Never again

I'm 27 and I have experienced pornography addiction since the age of 14.

My first experience of erotica was via a copy of my mum's cosmo magazine, seeing girls in lingerie and reading erotic stories. This steadily progressed to internet pornography images -> videos. I had a hard time talking to girls after the age of 16. I turned to porn to cure the feeling of being lonely. It became normality - 4-5 times a week, and I had no feelings of guilt after using it. The type of porn never really got extreme. It became a problem when I started becoming sexually active around 23 years old. During my first time I couldnt get it up. I became plagued with ED issues throughout my next two sexual relationships.

I am now with the love of my life. She makes me the happiest man in the world. She is incredibly supportive, loves me for the man I am, and had to find out about my porn issues the hard way. My erections started dropping off, my porn use increased with increasingly stressful times at work while in a long distance relationship and I felt like crap after every time. I had to come clean to her about it as I knew that it was starting to take a real toll on our sex lives. I almost lost her forever, twice.

I have been seeing a psychologist about it, but we haven't delved into strategies to overcome it, moreso reasons for it becoming a problem. I have relapsed twice since starting to quit porn and it's been circumstantial around stressful times at work. I know my libido has increased when stopping porn and my erections are actually good, but my anxiety over whether I'll get an erection is always there. I tend to get scared that I wont get an erection and it will make my partner think I'm not into her (I'm super hot for my girlfriend, she makes me feel so sexy - but it often doesn't show because my penis doesnt show up to the game). In the process of praying I'll get a good erection when starting to get freaky, I end up creating my own downfall. We now have an agreement that if I feel I'm too caught up about my penis we can postpone sex to diffuse that expectation - if your partner is supportive, share your story with her. Show her the literature and explain how debilitating it is.

In terms of my progress I'm about 4 months in with 2 relapses during that point. I'm hoping to go PM free until the end of the year at least. That is my goal. My masturbation free life starts today! I know it's going to do wonders for my relationship and I plan to marry this wonderful woman.

Look forward to interacting with you all and sharing the love of the porn free life.