Never been on a date..

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by pornfree4ever, Jan 15, 2020 at 11:36 PM.

  1. pornfree4ever

    pornfree4ever Fapstronaut

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    Background about me:
    • I am 34 years old man.
    • I have been living in the US for few years.
    • I have Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees and currently working on my PhD.
    • I saved enough money from my previous job.
    • I live alone in my place, and drives my dream car.
    • I go to the gym multiple times a week.
    • I have never been on a date.
    • I have never had close friends.
    • I decided to lose my virginity to an escort at age 28 after trying online dating and approaching 10 girls on campus without success.
    • Since then, I have seen over 14 escorts. About once every few months or so.
    I am not mentioning my life style to brag, but to make the point that even if you had your life in order, including living in your own place, driving your own car, working out, excellent education, multiple degrees, and a potential 6 figures income job that doesn’t mean women are going to be attracted to you.

    I have no friends to tell me if there is something wrong with me (personality wise, or look wise). I don’t want to continue seeing escorts forever. But here is the thing:

    Sometimes you can only do so much. You might think you are physically attractive but in reality you’re below average in the eyes of the women you’re attracted to. I am specifically looking for a game plan so that if I followed it perfectly and didn’t succeed in getting a date by the end of it, I then know that my datelessness is most likely due to other factors I cannot control such as look, ethnicity, skin color, etc.

    Thanks!
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2020 at 3:37 PM
  2. Karimtolstoi

    Karimtolstoi Fapstronaut

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    Hey buddy

    I think the first thing you should do is quitting escorts once for all because you want a real woman. Yes regarding sex you have to be patient till you find a good girl for you there is no other choice.
    Other thing you can help yourself by making male friends from your age who are successful with women and who can be honest with you about your flaws or try to invest the money you give to escorts to some dating coach.
    Finally, yes there are women who are only interested in money but I don’t think they will suit because they are just like escorts and you don’t like escorts.( No one likes them on the long term by the way).
     
    ichigobankai likes this.
  3. romeolima

    romeolima Fapstronaut

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    I don't think you can conduct your life like some kind of experiment.

    There are too many variables and most importantly you don't get a second opportunity to re-run your experiment, with changes, to see if you get a better result.

    Reading your post makes me sad for you, not because of the sex and relationship side of it, but because of this:
    Whilst I know people who live solitary lives and are happy with their own company, by and large we are a social species. Friendships are probably the most important relationships you will ever have.

    I know you mention that you go to the gym but I often see these as sterile environments, everybody seems to go there with blinkers on. Most of my friendships stem from more social activities, outdoor clubs, youth groups, sports clubs (distinct from gyms).

    Once you are able to interact and ingratiate yourself with social groups other relationships are likely to follow.

    I wish you good luck in your journey.
     
    ichigobankai likes this.
  4. HVL85

    HVL85 Fapstronaut

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    This sounds a bit like that movie with Nicolas Cage, 'The Family Man'. All focus on career and money, but no women in his life. You can still regain the experience you 'missed' though. See post above mine.
     
  5. Teagualicious

    Teagualicious Fapstronaut

    I grew up without any understanding of dating or how to court as a male. In the last year or so, the YouTube channel Dan Bacon has helped me a lot. I think the guy's spot on about how female attraction works, but it's a pretty drastic viewpoint shift once you accept it. I encourage you at the very least to check out his stuff, at 34 it's not over for you man. Just work on your self value and remember that your value as a person doesn't come from your relationships.
     
  6. pornfree4ever

    pornfree4ever Fapstronaut

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    On one hand, I just don’t feel I tried enough to seek dating or relationship. On the other hand, I don’t know what’s hard enough. Was trying online dating and cold approaching less than 20 people in college hard enough? Should I cold approach 50, 80, 100, 200? There has to be a line where I know that I have to move on. I hate always feeling that I didn’t do enough. There is no law in physics that says there is someone for every one.

    I don’t know about the importance of friendship in my life. Now that I think back about it, I recall I had few “friendship” in school years and early college but I never felt they added much to my life, that’s probably why I didn’t remember it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2020 at 3:39 PM
  7. pornfree4ever

    pornfree4ever Fapstronaut

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    I bought his audiobook “The Flow”. He assumes his audience have good social skills, charisma, and are competent at “small talk” with women. He lost me there..
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2020 at 3:40 PM
  8. Zapster21

    Zapster21 Fapstronaut

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    Consult a dating coach. There are so many out there who can help you with your dating life.

    It's all about playing your cards right. I was very unsuccessful with women earlier in life. But now I have many dates per week.
     
  9. pornfree4ever

    pornfree4ever Fapstronaut

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    Will add dating coach to my list of things to try. If this doesn’t work, not sure if anything else would. Thanks.
     

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