New here - Addicted to call girls

J

Jas-685

Fapstronaut
So far it’s been a week since my last visit. But I’ve been struggling with this for years.

Today I’ve been craving to go see one. I still am. I’ve tried everything I can think of but I can’t find any links or factors that could be related to the addiction.

I do watch porn which helps release some tension. I also have a fleshlight but I don’t often get a chance to use it. I’ve never been in a relationship and I feel like I’m not ready or have the confidence to do so yet. So I end up with the easy option which I end up regretting each visit. Despite repeatedly going back.

Can anyone offer advice on how to begin taking my mind off this? It’s a combination of the guilt but also it’s financially very draining. I don’t know what to do anymore and it’s almost becoming part of my regular life.
 
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Hi @Jas-Singh685, first of all well done for one week of success. That's a good achievement. And surely you can reflect on what helped you in this last week to stay away. What were you thinking, doing? My question would be: Do you have an idea what you want? Where you want to go? Who you want to be? How you need to think, feel in order to build the new you? In short ... do you have a vision? I mean do you know WHAT YOU WANT? Or only what you Don't want?

PS: I can relate a lot to your situation. Escorts was a big issue for me too ...
 
Hi @Spontifex

thank you so much for the reply. The week unfortunately has to be restarted. I caved in today. I know a week is better than nothing but I’m still disappointed.

I suppose I’ve been telling myself that I can wait, the opportunity is always there. But today I felt a combination of tiredness, stress and frustration.

I think at the moment I’m only thinking what I don’t want. I haven’t really thought about what I want. If I do, I feel I’m not ready for what I want.

If you don’t mind me asking, what helped you to stop?
 
Jas-Singh685 said:
Hi @Spontifex

thank you so much for the reply. The week unfortunately has to be restarted. I caved in today. I know a week is better than nothing but I’m still disappointed.

I suppose I’ve been telling myself that I can wait, the opportunity is always there. But today I felt a combination of tiredness, stress and frustration.

I think at the moment I’m only thinking what I don’t want. I haven’t really thought about what I want. If I do, I feel I’m not ready for what I want.

If you don’t mind me asking, what helped you to stop?
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Well, what helped is persistance, not giving up. Besides I started with meditation in 2017 went to a 10 day retreat and ever since I go every year besides regular practice at home. That helped me to be more aware of sensations craving or when aversion is around, focus helped, focus on sensations and not indulge in story, the content of the narrative. Then I worked the steps in CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) attended meeting for a few years. As well as in SLAA. That all helped. But recovery is daily work. And of course see the different approaches, one is avoiding, fighting the old the other is going for, building the new.

Being tired stressed and frustrated is a dangerous cocktail yes. Hope you do not trash yourself for giving in.

Why you say you are not ready for what you want? Or rather what makes you belief you need to be ready first?
 
Hi Jas, I was also addicted to call girls and once spent over $1000 on a day. I have since only struggled with occasional gambling addiction and PMO. For me, I also invested in retreats, spirituality (I came back to my church), and have sought therapy. Going on tech fasts and trying to use technology when you really need it helped this first hump for me.

It really took the hard stuff, like the awakening from God and discovering spirituality that I felt to stop seeing the call girls. There is a way and hope Jas! Don’t beat yourself up about PMO, getting off the call girls is the priority.

I know the feeling you have of not feeling ready yet for a relationship and I felt this too. I think prioritizing healing is absolutely the most important as you do not want to also get into a relationship where you don’t have control or understanding of your woundedness. I made this mistake and ended up in a crazy and manipulative relationship. So imo, I think you’re thinking prudently, but also when you feel even a little ready, don’t be afraid to take the plunge.
 
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Thank you both for sharing your experiences. It definitely gives me hope that I too can stop. I think the meditation and technology sounds like a very good starting point for me.

I have regularly started attending a gym to focus my energy elsewhere but so far it hasn't helped with my addiction yet. I feel I should be in the best position first before I try and meet someone, but at the same time, perhaps the waiting is making my problem worse.

I feel I'm not totally ready because of my career, I want to get a stable and good income so I can support my future partner. I also need to build on my confidence as I am not confident when talking to girls. I suffer from a lot of social anxiety.
 
Of course!! Thank you for sharing too, the gym is great. It will help with physical discipline for sure.

I agree with you focusing on your career, that is something that is key because dating isn’t cheap either. Maybe you can try something like a social group (workout class/meditation class). You can make friends and ease your way into social situations that way! Baby steps
 
That's a really good point actually. So part of my gym routine includes a workout class with a trainer. I have spoken to a few people but they always leave as soon as the class is finished. And we are too busy with the workout during the class, talking is a bit difficult. But that is a good step for me, for my confidence and physical health.

Yeah I know that the girls only do it for the money and they aren't interested in me, often it's a rushed experience too. I really don't know why I keep going back. If I knew, maybe it would be easier to stop. I know it's all fake. I suppose it's just the feeling of being close to someone. If I had more confidence to meet someone and enter a relationship, I certainly would never think about call girls anymore.

The money, that's another huge issue. It's really expensive, and I regret my actions because of this too, as well as the mental toll. I keep trying to think "I could have bought xyz instead of spending an hour with a girl who doesn't even like me" etc. But I still go back eventually.
 
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