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New here, mild addiction causing insomnia

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by DrEpplesworth, Mar 17, 2022.

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  1. Mar 17, 2022 #1
    DrEpplesworth

    DrEpplesworth Fapstronaut

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    Hey I had a bad relapse and thought I'd reach out here for help. The TLDR is I've been mildly addicted to porn for ten years. I don't seek stronger highs or explore new kinks or anything like that. It usually happens 2-3 times a month, for 4-5 hours at night, and it gives me really bad insomnia. Apart from temporary sleep deprivation, it doesn't really affect my day-to-day interactions with people or get in the way of my commitments. I don't really have an objectification problem in the real world - a lot of my best friends are girls. Sometimes it is self-medication for when I get really discouraged, but more often than not it's just intrusive thoughts and an occasional free night. It's all compounded by 24 years of singleness (I swear I'm not some fat guy in their parents' basement) and still getting over a huge crush (she acted like she really liked me, then rejected me, then became best friends, then said she was asexual, we've been friends for almost three years, it's very confusing). I've been trying in small ways to improve my activity level (maybe lose that freshman 15) and time spent on creative projects, but that's definitely still a work in progress. I even stooped so low as to try Hinge *shudder* and it at least helps to see all the options out there. Luckily I have a very active social and family life now and that helps. I reached out to my dad about it a year ago, and it helped a little, but we're both too embarrassed for him to be reliably accountable to me. And my ears have about fallen off from all the CBT, journaling, and urge-surfing stuff I keep reading about. Also kinda turned off by all the "bro-bro-bro set-a-goal-and-crush-it-man" culture. I feel like I just don't have a good reason to stop, until I relapse and I can't sleep and I feel like death. Then I go back to not caring. I think it's helpful not to be obsessed with a streak counter and instead focus on other things besides strictly porn recovery (ie improving my life in general). I dunno. It's frustrating that it really hasn't improved much over the past so many years. On days like these I feel completely at my wit's end. And just hope I can implement one small change for next time. And usually don't. Just thought I'd lay all that out here. Any advice or if you relate feel free to share
     
    DrEpplesworth, Mar 17, 2022
    DrEpplesworth, Mar 17, 2022
    #1
  2. Mar 18, 2022 #2
    thatcactusguy

    thatcactusguy Fapstronaut

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    It's great that you feel comfortable having friends who are girls and a very active social life! Good things to start a reboot with. Levels of PMO addiction are different for everyone on here. For some, it's multiple times a day, for others, it's a few times a month. It still is an addiction, no matter the frequency. If you're finding it hard to gather motivation, you're definitely not alone there. I felt like everything I was reading didn't really apply to me because I was a moderate porn user, and not always a daily or every other day user. For me, I draw motivation from wanting to show myself that I'm capable of making a big change like this in my life. I keep going not because of all the benefits that people talk about, but because this is something that I have the power to change in my life and put behind me.

    This is hilarious, I get it. There's a lot of that on here. For some people, that encouragement is enough. For me, it's not the biggest help. My goal for my reboot is to increase my discipline. When motivation fails you and it feels like you don't care about your goal anymore, you can rely on your discipline and mental determination to keep you going.

    If you want to reframe how you think about your goals, you can set a goal for yourself that you know you have achieved in the past. I got this idea from @craftyboi and I am starting my new reboot with it in mind. I set a goal for myself of a single day, because I know that I can do that, and then once I reach that goal, I will just set the same goal and do it again for the next day. I know I can do one day, and it's much less daunting than a 7 day or 90 day overarching goal.

    Just some things to think about. Hope some of it helps!
     
    thatcactusguy, Mar 18, 2022
    thatcactusguy, Mar 18, 2022
    #2
    craftyboi likes this.

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