New member introduction

Hello. I'm a 37 year old, married male. I've been heavy into PMO since about 1997. I thought it was normal for the longest time, but slowly have came to realize it affected my regular and sex life. I've lost my erection during vaginal intercourse the last two times my wife and I had sex. Sometimes I can't finish during sex and can only cum by finishing myself. I've lost sensitivity in the head of my penis. It's the death grip. I've also been late for work, missed family events, stayed up way too late, etc., due to masturbating. Brain fog is intense at times. I'm tired of it and want to stop. I want to be a better husband and lover to my wonderful wife and want to be a better me.

I'm fortunate to have a loving spouse of 13 years who understands my situation and is supportive and goes. Like any long term couple, our sex life goes through ruts and heavy periods. The ruts cause my PMO habit to go into overdrive, which leads me to avoid initiating real sex and that makes the rut last longer. Recently we had a long talk about sex and are on the same page as a couple (my libido is higher, but she admitted to be receptive most time I initiate sex especially if it's spontaneous, but is sometimes reluctant to initiate herself.) My fapping leads me to not seek real sex. So, I feel like I'm hurting us both. My wife has no problem with porn, watches occasionally herself and very much enjoys us doing mutual masturbation with or without porn as a quickie alternative. So, PMO is cool with her. But not with me anymore. I'm on a five day streak of no PMO with a goal of 30 days to start, but hopefully I can go much longer. Being alone is hard. I've unplugged my laptop and zipped it in its case and try to keep my phone charging across the room. I've dealt with some moderate insomnia because I PMO'd before bed 4-5 nights a week for as long as I can remember.

I'm doing normal mode because I still want to be sexual with my spouse. I just don't want to watch porn or fap. My primary goal of my journey is to get to where I lust after her touch, not my touch while watching a screen in the dark. The guilt, shame and feeling like I'm cheating on my wife with a machine has finally pushed me to seek a way to end my relationship with PMO.

Wish me luck.