New on this journey “TRIGGER WARNING *

My name Darren I live in West Monroe Louisiana my whole life my life is pretty great well my childhood was broken come from a broken family my mom took my dad back many times too many he cheated on my mom even before I was born I dad was there for me growing up but around 13 years old he left because he cheated for the last time and my mom had enough of being hurt they divorced after that my relationship with my father was never too this day the same I tried many times too have a relationship with my father but it hurts like he never had time for me and he remarried and lives in Delhi Louisiana and I lost my mom 3 years ago too stomach cancer and lost my grandpa too kidney failure and most my dad family lives in winsboro Louisiana and most my life I’ve been alone no social life an introvert a loner a black sheep of my mom side of the family the Brady’s WARNING:I’ve struggled my whole life with PORN because my family is religious narcissistic family cult and belief system in a narcissistic you got too go by the rules or they reject or shun you or gaslight you they got there own church it’s all about manipulation and control and religious TRAUMA and emotional abuse and emotional neglect I’m a scapegoat a black sheep of the family a truth teller I see the dysfunction in the family the narcissistic masks they all wear I believe in Jesus I know he loves me but I suffer from complex PTSD and deep emotional pain because deep down I want them too change their ways and really support me like I want this is why I still struggle with porn addiction and really want too change my mother was a narcissist and my uncle is a pastor and my uncle aunt and cousin I feel like I’ll never be good enough for them I wish things was different I grieve and cried many times over my family I’m a good person and I feel I can’t tell them how I truly feel because they will say I’m crazy and you don’t know what your saying and call me the crazy one I feel so hurt like I’m not good enough I know GOD loves me and I don’t go too church because of the religious trauma and abuse not only from them but my family church I’m sorry if this is too long but I got too get it out I really need support