I can sympathize. I definitely think that PMO plays a role. It makes you selfish and it conditions you to only take pleasure in novelty. A real physical woman requires intimacy, selflessness, and a rejection of novelty. What I noticed is that I'm very attracted to my wife as a person. I know that I wouldn't be really attracted to others beyond the novelty. I mean as I got to know other women, who I may find sexually appealing, I'd lose interest.
I was less interested in my wife (who is at least 2-3 points above me on the rating scale) sexually when I was looking at porn for 2-3 hours per day. Now that I have quit, I do find her as attractive as I used to, AND we are connected more. There's more love, more connection. I've seen a slogan that says "porn kills love" I believe that's true. Do a detox and I believe that the attraction will come back
Duke of Gine - It's from "Fight the New Drug". I totally understand. My girlfriend is amazing, beautiful, funny and endearing. But she's also hot as hell. I didn't think I'd manage to conquer her heart. Yet, even her undivided attention didn't stop me from watching pornstars and looking at other girls lustfully. There were even times of losing interest in her. We won't be seeing each other for a while during the summer to aid in my recovery. I find myself waking up thinking of her more lately. It's never sexual or lustful. I just miss sitting next to her in silence. Squeezing her hand. Having her head against my chest. Gives me hope in that I can totally fall in love with her again.
Have you tried asking her how she feels about you? Have you tried a open and honest conversation? I do believe in finishing the reboot before making a decision. You will have ups and downs, and brain fog and all sorts of stuff. However, a open honest line of communication is key. What if she has feelings or thoughts on this? What if she's unhappy in some respect? What if she wants to do something spicy? Or has some ideas for intamacy? Then you are missing out on a opportunity here. I always worry I'm not attractive enough for my SO. It's a thing, it comes with the territory of being with a PA. Being honest helps both sides tho.
Hey mate, know exactly what you’re going through. Have a partner of 10 years who im not attractive too anymore. She is pretty and beautiful but Im just not on the same level with her sexually, spiritually or mentally. We got engaged three years ago and I still dont want to tie the knot. It’s a very sad state of affairs that makes me think of what a better life she could have found with someone else. Im not the free spirit I used to be and I blame her for all the friends and family I have lost. Deep down though I must take responsibility and realise it was never going to be happy ever after. At day 60 and not feeling any attraction towards her. I look from time to time but I find other woman more attractive. PMO has messed up my brain though. I always look for flaws in women instead of appreciating their natural beauty. Breaking up if difficult as Im confortable and can’t afford to rent on my own. I will lose my dog as well so there are a lot of negatives of parting ways too.
I definitely feel where you're coming from too. Before starting this journey, I didn't realize how much of a barrier PMO can be to real relationships. Each day is like having more and more fog lifted. I'm in the same position too. Been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 6 years now, but it feels like it's been held together by PMOing during the 2 years of long distance. I don't think I would've done the long distance if I didn't have PMO in the background of my life. Now, I have 2 cats with her and if I want to leave I have to leave them behind. Same thing with having no ability to pay rent if I leave. The first step is to get the career in order. Then (hopefully) the rest will fall into place. I'm hoping that through this reboot I'll find some of what's been lost through the addiction.
Totally get where you're coming from. I did a lot of trips away with work so know how PMO fills the boredom and lack of companionship. PMO was always a good outlet to feel like I was getting it without actually breaking the rules of a relationship. When you prefer PMO over the real thing then it started becoming an issue. Definitely in the same position here too. I left a comfy $70K p.a Government job to spend 10 months working for home on an average of $16k p.a or $300pw. Finally I reached breaking point (PMO/Anxiety/Depression) and found a Internship. Had to work unpaid full time for 4 weeks just to land a minimum wage $24hr 3 month IT Desktop Support Contract. The job security is gone and I'm getting $30k less than what I was on. Changing careers cost me about $80K last year. Here's the thing though I feel healthier mentally and physically without the high stress, high pay job. Now I'm just another middle class nobody. You have a lot to look forward to during this journey. Your body/brain messes with you in the first couple of weeks but then you get this dragon ball Z rage of energy and nothing can stop you. This is when you start doing all those things you have been procrastination and putting off for years. All the best, spoiler alert, Day 25-35 was the most energy I have had for 10 years.
