Not (yet) ready for another relationship

A couple of things to take into consideration.
1. After a breakup our emotions are all over the place. So basically we are not ready for another relationship yet.
2. Because of n°1, in the beginning people can show a lot of interest in you but suddenly get cold and don't want to see you at all.
3. It's totally fine to go out and have fun with a male/female after a breakup if you just focus on having fun and not to start another relationship.

In your scenario you did to much to soon. You spent to much time together in the first weeks and it became to serius to soon. As a man that is used to be only in relationships you probably gave her the vibe of a relationship and she of course is not ready for that yet, woman fall in love slowly in time. She probably felt that vibe and backed off imidiately.

Another thing is that you didn't made a move at all. She kissed you and asked you to sleep with her several times. It's the man's job to go after what you want, kiss her, ask her out and escalate things to end up in bed to have sex. When a woman ask you to sleep with her is a green ligth to seduce her and have your way with her in bed.1

Not making a move at all, her been dumped reicently and giving the relationship vibe right from the start killed any attraction she had for you.

Next time just focus on having fun, keep the interaction light, go for the kiss, escalate the kissing and touching until you end in bed together having sex. Only sleep over after sex, if sex don't happend just leave. Sleeping together without sex gives a huge friendship or relationship bive, both works against you. And last, don't do to much too soon. Keep it to..one or at most 2 dates a week, woman gets bored quicky if they seen you a lot of times a week in the beginning. Leave her wanting more from you, don't give yourself for free 24/7.

 

I had a familiar situation. Some pointers that worked for me (maybe it will work for you) permanently walk away from dating sites and social media, Love is not an algorithm, love is natural, not man made. “Hit off” truly starts when you can share your vulnerabilities with your potential SO, Vice versa, and not just some good fun times. It sounds like you outgrew her and Ive noticed it has been a growing reason for breaking up. Trying to be romantic with people you can’t truly say you know. Also, describing someone as smart, funny, outgoing, that’s cute but can you in your mind elaborate how she is smart, funny, etc. and most importantly why? One thing I noticed is that people fear the unknown, sometimes deep connections bring out the unknown powers of people, characteristics that you had no idea exists. For example, ask yourself why you are not ready, try to reflect and then repeat 5 more times. Relationships are not this fairy tale, everyday supposed to be happy and joy. Both parties have to be willing to grow through the storms (sufferings).

 

@mindflayer

Disregard that statement. I re read and had a better understanding of the situation.

 

I never said that, I said that you just focus on going out with her and have fun in several dates. If you are meant for each other, eventually you will start to date more seriously. Every relationship starts with casual hookup.

Always look at what people do and not what they say. She said "let's take it slow" but she kissed you and invited you over 3 times! For woman, sex has to be mans fault, she made it really easy for you to seduce her in bed and end up having sex.

she said something, but then she procceded to do what she felt she wanted to do. Be with you and just have fun because she felt good doing it. Your job with her was just show up and have fun with, keep it really light, not talking at all about relationship, have sex and see what happens.

 

Self-love is one of the most underrated traits - I encourage you to finish this journey and get where you want to be. I'm in the same place - I wouldn't be a good partner because of my own issues, so I don't want to bring those problems into a relationship.

 

I agree that self love and self knowledge are very important. On the other hand it can be a big pitfall to think that you somehow have to have everything figured out and be a perfect person to be 'good' enough to be in a relationship. Now I know that is probably not necessarily what you mean, but I think the fact that you see that you have to work on certain aspects of yourself can make you a good partner. Even if you don't have them under control or figured out yet. It would be a shame to let opportunities pass by to really connect with someone because you have a idea about yourself that you are not good enough or not ready. Also the fact that you can share certain things with someone close to you may make it easier to deal with them.