Like, in Christ's fucking world, I literally try everything and nothing works. What is wrong? Could it be me? Could it be the fact that I'm not trying hard enough? Could it be that I'm lazy? I'm not sure what the issue is, even after self-introspection, it's vaguely attributable, I have anhedonia and a schizoid personality (I suspect), I try my best to study and I just can't get myself to study alone, I'm unwilling to study anything and I don't want to, I try my best to quit porn and no matter how much porn blockers I use (I've used the most difficult ones you can imagine), I still relapse one way or another after even reaching 7 effing days (Which I rarely reach). The process is capricious, sporadic, and scary, one time I'm motivated to quit porn; the other I relapse; one time I'm happy with my life; the next I'm suddenly and abruptly aloof, the answers I've gotten here on NoFap to my problems were all the same over and over again, they are constantly trotted out and reiterated. Like... Everything is fucking vague, I don't understand what's wrong with me, even after implementing lifestyles and plans to improve my life, I'm not motivated. I'm soulless, dead, emotionally cold and distant, emotionally-stunted, forgetful with a horrible memory, I don't have the ability to relate and I don't give a fuck about other people no matter how much I try to give a fuck... I pretend to be indifferent to criticisms about me, though on the inside my fragile ego is irascible and I can easily break down, this world even doesn't make much sense to me, one time we're empathetic towards people who suffered as a society, and the next we spew shit on people who did nothing wrong. Why is it that we have to suffer unchosen suffering rather than chosen suffering? What is the point? I literally keep relapsing incessantly every two/three days, and then I return back to my normal state of naivety thinking that I'm going to quit porn in my familial status quo, I have on average 5 to 6 missing assignments on my report every month of one of the subjects I'm studying in school. I'm not sure if porn is and was the cause of my problems (Which I have a foreboding that it is most likely more true), or if porn is one of a myriad of symptoms of a covert cause. To encapsulate the crux, how the fuck did you all figure out the root cause of your issues and quit porn? Was there even a root cause? What helps in quitting porn for schizoid people? I'm not sure if I need a Jungian psychoanalyst to help me.
You say you've tried everything. Obviously, this is not true, and you did not provide a single point. The main task is to retrain your brain, turn masturbation into a dull mechanical movement without pleasure. This is achieved by removing porn. Porn is removed by masturbation without it. Blockers are useless. The main blocker is the prefrontal cortex of the brain, if it is not trained well, then there will be no improvement. PMO is a problem, but only if it is in the nature of an obsessive addiction and takes most of the thoughts during the day. So i didn't quit completely yet, but the progress is very noticeable, I don’t watch videos at all anymore, sometimes sometimes i want to look at pictures and fantasize. And perverted fetishes are also leaving. The main reason for this addiction is the lack of joy in life (the wrong life scenario, physical inactivity, loneliness.) It's also important to quit gradually. People who are trying cold turkey after 15 years of PMO and in life is complete chaos and lack of joy... No comment, just good luck guys. It iss important to take it easy. For example, if you do not smoke, then you are absolutely calm about cigarettes, you do not struggle with them, you do not think about them, how harmful they are and destroy lives, you calmly walk past them in the store. With pmo it is necessary exactly the same. IMO i think that the best thing is to reasonably reduce it to a couple of times a month and live happily, not swear to yourself for life that you will never do it again, and go on a binge on the second day. AND START A SACRED WAR AGAINST VICE every new day from point zero on the counter.
I was 43 before I even had an inkling that PMO had messed me up. I was willing to try it because my life was in the sewer. I believe I have schizoid, but it was not official. So what helps? I think the main thing is to try to cut out most of the stuff you did, and focus your time and energy on staying in this reboot. If you have school or work, keep doing that. Fitness and diet is important too, and some time on a laid back hobby that is cheap. But a reboot is about recovery, don't lose sight of that. Introspection into the past only has marginal utility today. Instead, journal about what eats your lunch today. What is your major issue that makes you feel bad? Can you fix it? Then do it if you can. For me, I spent a lot of years in that existential crisis, even though I was a Christian, still am. It's unproductive. You mention suffering in two kinds, chosen and unchosen. The fact is that the default of life when you grow up, as you already know, is suffering. Just accept it, work around it, don't get in your head about it, be positive. By the end of 90 days hard mode, because of the suffering you endured, things are going to be dramatically better. Trust in that, in the testimonies of rebooters like me.
I have a close-minded and perfectionist psyche, I'm not accepting of nature, and I always want to do amazing in school and have great progress during my porn reboot somehow miraculously, I'm not patient, it's as if it's ingrained in me to always expect life to be roses and flowers, the best people are not the ones who meet expectations, but the ones who are trying to meet expectations while at the same time accepting of their fate where it is doomed or optimistic, I'm the former, and I have a down-trending view of the actual world that is directly proportional to my fantasy of what the world could be because I'm not accepting of reality and I don't have forbearance towards life's tribulations, I don't have the necessary skills to go through life and I wasn't provided these skills in the first place, the main reason why I think I can de facto quit porn easily is because I've grown up in a buttfucked world of instant gratification wherein I demand things to be the way I want them to be, so for instance, I keep attempting to quit porn without any support system and change of lifestyle because I demand that I quit porn without any lifestyle change due to me being unwilling to change (That could also be because of the household and environment I'm living in not being conducive and open towards change, but I don't think that's the main reason), I need to stop using technology, man up, and convince myself to not get scared of change, and go to sleep without watching fatuous and useless YouTube videos that serve no utility, I need to face my problems and stop being a complete wuss, the reason why I constantly fail to achieve things, is because of my tenacious mindset of not wanting to work towards change and expecting change to work itself for me.
Try to take very small steps in everything you do. This is a frequent state of a person that you don’t want anything, there is no energy and desire. And you need to take these small steps out of interest, seeing where they can lead. Start any thing in 2 minutes, it's easy, because you don't have to spend a lot of energy and time. For example, one of the easiest habits that will help reduce all porn thoughts to a minimum is to get up immediately after waking up. Personality is made up of daily rituals, habits, so it makes more sense to focus on it, take small steps, train the brain in the right direction, not stress and enjoy life.
The answer is in your first sentence. Without Christ, I wasn't on earth any more. Now I'm free from PMO and peaceful at heart. Pray and ask and you will receive.
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/you-wouldnt-believe-me-neither-do-i.325889/ Read this and read some other threads posted by me and just try to grasp the misery i went through and am going through..my parents think i need to be admitted to an ASYLUM..when they talk ti me i observe how they talk to me like im a child..you know why..youre experiencing it.. And as to why you cant stop..the reason you cant stop , why you cNt remember ,make memories and feel anything , because the stimulation the PMO is giving your brain is blurring everything...give a person some significNt whiskey and ask him the next morning how much he had , what did he say after having it , hell say he doesnt remember..the same thing is happening in a very covert and disarming way.. You cant stop because you havent seen your world burn YET..ive seen mine burn..i dont have anything left to lose..thats why im fighting it..all the frustration you have , i had more than it..all the mental issues youre going through i went through worse..TRUST THE PROCESS BROTHER..STOPPING PMO FOR 20 DAYS HAS DEFINITELY HELPED ME AND IT IS HELPING ME AND UT WILL HELP ME..
Maybe. I know that there is love, hope and peace for everybody, that's what I try to share here. I'm an example of a lost soul who found back the path to life.
bro..glad i found this post. i am in the exact same spot. what you wrote is exactly what i am going through. like jesus fucking christ !! i just joined this forum today because i am fed up ! i dont think i am an addict. but the problem is i have tried to stop myself intentionally just to see my own will power, but i mostly relapse back within 5 days. like my brain just doesnt want to control after those 5 days of hard work. it just goes and does its thing. i am fed up of my sex urges not being in my control. i thought as a human i could control everything within me. but i cant do it. i feel the same as your third paragraph. i think talking about this with someone, should help. i think writing regularly on this forum might help me find the root cause within me ( i also suggest the same for you), and eventually help me. atleast reading this post gives me confidence, that i am not the only one with this problem. hope to help you and help myself.
