On day 12. BUT scared of everything.HOCD

I'm 18.Male.Straight. Been on PM since 10 and Oing 13. During this 7/8 year addiction. I went from normal-lesbo-big boot*-big ti**-gang-cartoon-anime-granny e.t.c and was rotating them all around.

But at 14 my brain wanted more. So I discovered shem*** porn. I hated it after every relapse, making me upset and depressed. And when I was 14 or 15 I started acting out fetishes on my self and hated every second of it. Then I started viewing cross dresser and t girl and became very very interested in this filth. But I was still viewing old genres but mainly this new porn I found. I discovered nofap 2-3 months before I turned 16. Went on 32 days but relapsed because a girl found out and started making fun of me which led to a relapse. I was happy during that reboot because I started liking girls a lot more. Then at 16ish-18 all hell broke loose I started viewing a lot of gay porn and transwoman heavily and crossdresser submissive and dominant types even that sissy hypno I was addicted to ( I still get heavy urges for this- but I don't these thoughts or feelings). I was very addicted to it. But I'd still view lesbian porn and straight porn and when I'd relapse on lesbian porn I'd be happy. But if it was gay or transwoman e.t.c id be happy whilst watching it but after watching it I'd be traumatised and scared. As a kid I've always loved girls but this stuff has me feeling weird and sad and gay e.t.c

Now at 18 I'm still getting urges. I cant walk outside. I have no confidence. I want to start feeling mad crazy about girls again. I WANT my natural tastes back. I'm on day 12 of no pmo. Viewed a few girl pics (boobs,ass vagina) by purpouse and accidently went on gay pics whilst searching about the clitoris on google images. But its been 12 days of no pmo. But I get urges of HOCD most of the day. I stay at home all day. I'm scared.

Please could anyone with any knowledge on how to cure HOCD ,any experience e.t.c please help!!!

 

Thanks, I really appreciate that fact that you read my post and replied. Today I was saying to myself that 'I'm just stressed and I did move onto the next thing. It did work at times. But hopefully It'll cure the shit thoughts as time goes by.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and reply. I really appreciate it. You are right my mind dies judge me,shame me and scares me. But at times it does fade away then, fades back in. And there's actually a WAR going on in my head. I'm on day 13 now and I've not looked at any porn intentionally or tapped or Od. I dis sense an urge for girls today. So I'm kinda happy with the progress.

 

I agree. I need to stop caring about these thoughts. At times I forget about it and enjoy what I'm doing without having the thoughts pull my mind around. E.g. Playing a game and enjoying driving a car,fighting,racing. Or watching boxing without the thoughts in my head. Today I felt some natural jumping urges in my body when seeing an attractive girl on a game.
And every now and then when I'm tryna sleep or I'm bored. I do think about girls and kinda fantasize. I don't know if I force myself to think about girls or if it's naturally playing some random sequence in my head where I'm a teacher (not really a teacher) and I'm a with nice attractive female teacher and we kiss and feel each other. Or where I'm in car and talk and then feel.her and go low on her. I get these sequences in my head.SHIT. I have no idea what's going on most of the time.

 

Fuck the psy bastard. An you asked earlier if relapsing makes you gay, NO. It just makes rebooting longer. Here is a website that will help you out a lot. https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ask-us-iam-attracted-to-gay-transsexual

 

WARNING TRIGGERING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today I went to my doctors and I was hard over the lady receptionists. I wanted to fuck em both dry on the spot. Then I went to see the female doctor who was old. But I got hard over her too LOL. She had big ass though. Then she had to look at my lump on swollen scrotum. I like OK. Then I took down my pants and I was even more hard. I was ready to smash. She checked my swollen ball sack. And she was deffo turned on by my package. I was like 'touch my dick now'. But I stayed quiet during the whole thing. She just touched my swolen area on ball sackand leg. I wanted fuck. I'm happy about this because HOCD is a joke to me right now. But its still there. So I'll continue my journey no PM. And only O if I get some.

 

And I would've been on a sex offenders list after sexually assaulting her.

 

If you mean 11AM. I'm in UK and time zone waay different.