On day 12. BUT scared of everything.HOCD

I'm tempted to relapse now.

 

Still on my streak. Somehow some way I've not fucked it up yet.

 

Today marks 17 days without PORN MASTURBATION and ORGASM. Unfortunately tomorrow won't mark the 18th day. I relapsed 5 minutes ago. Over some natural lesbian kinky latex porn. But I'm happy that I've gone 17 days.And for Some reason I'm happy because I haven't felt like that in years whilst watching Lesbian porn. I actually truly loved and enjoyed watching girls together like I used to back then. But the HOCD sons of bitches are still trying to lure me to the dark side and whilst slightly craving that dark side shit I was able to show my true colours and go back to lesbian porn and feel so amazing watching it and fapping to it (last time I felt like that I was probably 13) I'll reset my counter for NOFAP but no reset my counter for staying away from HOCD. So to me its day 0 NoFap and day 17 battling HOCD. I'm not upset that I fapped because I needed to release some type.of energy. And since I have Crohn's I cant exercise. Hopefully none of you guys feel bad for me because I'm still in the journey. By relapsing I've not fell down, I've actually stayed up and got higher. I feel like I've achieved something by going 17 days and relapsing over something I actually like and felt good as fuck after fapping to it. You guys stay strong out there. Keep on point and don't let boredom get to you. I pretty tapped by looking at insta girls,soft-core lesbian and then eventually landed on kinky lesbo latex. lol.

Don't even peak. If she looks good just say in your head 'Oh shit she nice' Then just move onto something else that will get your mind to stay off her. Don't even sit on your own. I fapped in my room, I was alone. If I was downstairs I'd probably would be on a game and not fapping.

NoFap is hard very hard to do since were all basically addicted but in life to be the best you have to push through the pain, blood sweat and tears, go through the stages where people laugh at your dreams-whys that? Because they know you can do it since you show all the abilities but they get salty because they aren't talented in any aspect and don't want to see you on TV whilst they work there ass of a 9-5 and all there kids like you. I used to do boxing (will again soon when I beat Crohn's) and trainers would say ' I'm holding the pads but look at the bruises on my hands and arms, your only 15 (18 now and weak as fuk) but how do you hit so hard, you need to go to a boxing gym,most people punch weak,you have a natural right hand' e.t.c. But dikheads at school would watch the video and be like 'woow' then after watching it talk shit and really fuk up my drive towards boxing. So at 16 I said fuk boxing. But now during NoFap (at 18)I have re-discovered my love and passion for boxing which I had when I was like 3 or 4. And I'm spiritually glued to boxing right now like I was back then But now I love it even more. I will go pursue my dreams and.. Anyway we all need to make sacrifices that you'll regret for now but in the future you'll be like 'YEAH FUCK YOU I MADE IT'.

Is NoFap a gateway to being what ever the fuk we wanna be????