One Day at a Time Journal

Hi all!

I introduced myself a little bit in my first thread so I want to open this one as a journal.

I would love to hear your input and feedback, and hopefully correction exhortation if the need arises (which it probably will… ).

I’m dividing it into 4 parts for now, I'm only on day 3 so things might change a little, but I think this is a good start.

External Triggers - did I encounter any external triggers, if yes, was I able to follow my strategy against them, if yes, how successful were they?

Protective Habits - Did I carry out my protective habits? If not, why? (protective habits for me are daily habits that give me a framework and stability, spiritual things such as reading the word & praying in the morning, and natural things such as shaving daily, eating breakfast, dressing well, etc. nothing fancy but something that gives stability)

Urge Coping - Did I experience urges, if yes, which ones? Was I able to follow the my predetermined plan against them? How successful was it? Can the strat be refined?

Take Every Thought Captive - Did questionable thoughts pop up? Did I find time to pray into them and exchange the lie for truth already? If not, do it now.

I’m already on day 3 so I’ll start posting with this day.

 

Day 3 - Wednesday, August 3, 2022

So far so good. I felt strong today and didn’t have any strong urges/temptations.

Before I started this reboot process I researched a bit and I saw that a lot of the successful people emphasized having a well planned out week with times of work and rest well scheduled is very helpful. So I took this and I’m enjoying it a lot so far.

As long as I’m in this phase of being motivated by the novelty of the reboot, it would probably be a good idea to refine my strategies to cope with temptations/urges, so that I’m ready when they arise.

External Triggers
I spent all my time at work today, so there was very little probability for external triggers to happen.
In one of my work-related discord communities, there’s some people commenting with posts that could be used as p-sub. So far no double-takes have happened, and I’m fighting for it to stay this way. I’m also blocking the people that are posting so I won’t see their posts anymore (has no impact on my work performance).

Protective Habits - I did all my protective habits. I prepared my clothes for the following day yesterday which I forgot yesterday. Also, it feels good to have a good shave again… I also worked out for the first time in a long time yesterday and it felt really good. I have workout/stretching planned each day.
The daily word, devotional, and prayer are actually very enjoyable - something I haven’t done in quite a while.

Urge Coping - in the morning I felt urges to M twice or 3 times. They weren’t very strong and I did the thing that I felt the Holy Spirit telling me yesterday, during review of Day 2. I’m taking 5minutes to pray about this now.
I asked the Holy Spirit what the lie is that I was drawn by at that moment and I felt Him saying the lie is: “I need this, I need this to be satisfied and happy”.
Then I asked the God what the truth is that I should replace it with. I heard Him saying: “The presence of God makes me satisfied and happy.” - Saying this feels really, really good.
Other than this one, no urges came up today.

Take Every Thought Captive - I started reading 1.Cor today and the first part in ch.5 made me feel icky in not a good way. I didn’t have time to deal with the thought at that moment so I took a note. I’m taking myself another 5mins to pray about this now.
I asked the Holy Spirit what the lie is, I felt like it was: ”I want this, I need this. This is what I want”
I asked the Holy Spirit what the truth is, I felt like it was: “I want to be holy, I want to be pure, I want to be free”
Wow, these 2 truths are so good, I’m putting these into my daily commitment

One more thought: a lot of people in the community are giving a lot of credit to APs, I love the concept, how can I get involved in the process?

Blessings to you all, and thanks for reading.

 

This is great, thank you! I'll look into those resources!

 

Hi all!

I'm on Day 4. All in all today has been a fairly easy day in terms of recovery - it's still pretty early and the rougher stuff will come for sure, I reckon it's a good time to get prepared for that now.

It's a lot of text, so if you read through it, it's very much appreciated and I hope it will inspire someone to continue moving forward

Here is my summary:

External Triggers - 2 external triggers of seeing more loosely clothed women in public. No double takes happened but one image is sketched in my mind. I want to pray about it right now and see what the Holy Spirit has to say about it.
I asked to Holy Spirit to let me re-experience the emotion I felt when I saw that woman. I felt the lustful, insatiable desire that draws me to PMO and while experiencing it, I gave it all over to Jesus. I saw in my minds-eye how my lust took on a human shape and I saw how it started beating and bruising Jesus. I saw how that lust nailed Him on the cross. I heard the Holy Spirit say to me: "I have let your sin do this to me so you can become who you're truly meant to be" - obviously he means that Jesus offered his body because he knew that when the Father thought of me, sin was never in the picture. I'm quite impacted by this… You really need to make sure your battle-plan is solid, you can't let God's mercy be wasted.
wow…
well, let's move on…
**Protective Habits** - I was able to do all of my protective habits today. It still feels amazing to have a daily shave again, lol.
I'm still pretty impacted by my lust being the reason why Jesus did the Isiah 53… It was all so I could become how the Father always meant for me to be. wow… let that truth go deep. I'm adding this to my daily commitments. wow… thank you Jesus…

**Urge Coping** - No urges came up other than the one connected with what I prayed about just before. I'm still in the beginning of recovery and I reckon once it gets hard, this section will grow some volume.
**Take Every Thought Captive** - when I was in the presence of one of those ladies today, a thought to double-take came up. I quickly removed that thought but I want to spent a moment right now to pray about it.
I prayed about it and I asked the Holy Spirit what the lie was. I felt Him saying that the reason I wanted to look is because I allowed myself to take on the identity of a 'looker' - I asked him what my identity was, and I felt him saying: "I'm a son of God the King, I'm called to reign in life" - I'm also putting this in my daily declarations/commitments.

 

Thank you @bertieboy . Yes, let's move on and take it one day at a time. Let's focus on this: the grace of the Father raised Jesus from the dead, that very same grace is now with us. He sees us holy, blameless and above reproach (Col 1:22). Whatever we may think we are, that is our true identity because the Father sees us this way.

 

Hey @Lost Hope . Yes, I'm committing to, as long as my mind is overstimulated by these triggers, I will do whatever is necessary, within reason, to spare myself the torment of having to deal with wild fantasies. Let's rely on who we are in the Father's eyes - beloved sons and daughters, back in the family of God, washed clean in the blood of the Lamb.

 

Hi all,

this is my review for today. It's a little lengthy, if you do take the time to read it, it's much appreciated, if not, that's understandable too

Today was a good day, and still fairly easy. The only thing is that I woke up in a little bit of a slump, I was not feeling fit and it took a little effort to get going. I've noticed that the urges I experienced yesterday were somewhat stronger today, that could be connected with me not feeling 100%. This could be the first rising of the tide - it's something that we know is going to come and I hope I'm still preparing for it well. It feels a little bit like knowing that a storm is coming and I have to be sure to close the windows and bring in the chairs on the lawn.

**External Triggers** - When I sat at my at my work desk today, the desire came over me to watch P. Since I've never really payed attention to it, I've noticed how the desire felt. I was able to resist it quite easily, but I can see how it's going to be a force to be reckoned with once the urges are coming to hit harder.
I want to take myself 5mins right now to pray about it.
I asked the Holy Spirit to experience the urge, so I can go through it with him. When the desire came, I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me: at the moment when the desire/urge is present, when the body experiences the dopamine imbalance and looks for its trained behavior to resolve it, the power of the urge can’t be ‘reduced’ - it can be reduced over time but not at the moment when it happens. So the lie isn’t the urge itself, that is a reality and needs to be accepted as such - the lie is in my identity, what I believe about myself.
How will I respond to the urges of PMO when I believe that I have no value, that I’m insignificant, and not worthy of love, affection, attention?
How will I respond to the urges of PMO when I know that I’m a son of the Father in heaven, loved so much that He knows my value and my purpose even when I was covered in sin - and provides a way for me to come back into community with Him, into his family, which is the blood of Jesus.
I felt the Holy Spirit urge me to focus on my identity and who I am on a daily basis, so that when the temptation comes, I would react out of a position of sonship, valued, beloved, and believed in.
(future value speaking: well, now I have a responsibility to take care of, don't I… let's do this!)

**Protective Habits** - I did all of my protective habits today. Morning routine with reading the Word, prayer, and a devotional, and some other things. Feels great.

**Urge Coping** - I guess my experience in the External Triggers section should really belong here.

**Take Every Thought Captive** - Today I had an uncorrelated interruption in my thought process. I was thinking one thing and suddenly a phrase comes into my head: "I want to see a woman's chest area!" - I'm wondering if that's coming from myself or from an external demonic influence. Either way, it doesn't really matter, since I'm taking care of it with prayer anyways. I took a mental note.
I'm going to take myself a few minutes to pray into it.
I asked the Holy Spirit to show me what the lie is that I'm believing. A couple things came up. They were declarations: "I want this, I really do. I really want this and I need this to be happy and fully satisfied." - I heard the Holy Spirit say that this is connected to my identity again, I believe that I am this kind of a person as opposed to believing that I'm His son, made in His image and, through the blood of His son, restored to that image. That in His eyes I am holy, blameless, and above reproach (Col. 1:22) - not because of what I did, but because of who I am, a believer in Jesus, redeemed and cleansed in His blood.
I asked the Holy Spirit what the truth was that I should replace it with. I heard Him say: "I don't want this. This is is not real, this is fake." I also heard him say: "The true pleasures in this age always come from hard work and pain.", whether it's my own hard work in any field, which when achieved gives the sweet pleasure of sustainable success, or if it's the pleasure of living my life near to God, which is something Jesus worked really hard for.

Again, thank you for reading if you took the time and let's move on forward - Jesus paid a great, great price for us to be where we are, in the arms of the Father - let's make sure He gets His full reward - a people revealing the nature of the Father, revealing what it means to truly love.

 

Thank you Tao! Let's keep on moving!

 

Hi all,

Here’s my daily review for today. Again, it’s a lot of text, if you read through it, thank you, it’s really appreciated, and I hope it will encourage you

Day 6 - Saturday, August 6, 2022

Today I met up with a friend - if you read my post from yesterday, I mentioned how I felt the Holy Spirit was telling that I should focus on my identity, who I am in God now that Christ has come - my friend is a minister and not 5mins into our conversation, he started sharing about how God is leading him into a new understanding of his identity in Him - exactly what I want to be focusing on as well - Our meeting ended with us realizing how many times the Word emphasizes that we have a responsibility of constantly, proactively remind ourselves of our identity in God, (Phil 3:1, 2Pet. 1:12-13, and many more) and how much fruit comes from doing this consistently. We made an action-plan on how to do this practically, we also decided to meet on a weekly basis to share and refine our process.

**External Triggers** - I went shopping today and, to be honest, I was a little excited. I know that I have to change the behavior of my eyes around women and I need opportunity in order relearn behavior. I think I did fairly well, when the somewhat loosely clad ladies passed by I was able to observe my heart and see the lust coming up, but knowing that it’s not me, but sin in me, I was able to restrain and starve the desire, choosing what was holy, blameless and above reproach - exactly how the Father sees us (Col 1:22) I really, really hope I will have this same energy and motivation when things get harder!

**Protective Habits** - I forgot to prepare my clothes for today, a thing I do everyday before going to bed. It’s a small thing but, right now, I’m treating it as a big thing - other than that, I did all of my protective habits.

**Urge Coping** - This section his pretty much correlated with my external triggers section above.

**Take Every Thought Captive** - In a cafe, a lady walked in and I habitually started giving room in my mind to lust - I caught it very quickly but took a mental note. I’m taking 5mins to pray into it right now.
Almost immediately I felt the same emotion I did in that moment. I felt the Holy Spirit asking me to linger in it and experience it in this safe place with Him. After a minute or so, I started to experience a sense of hopelessness and desperation. I asked the Holy Spirit what those lies are and I heard Him say: “I’m powerless against my lust, it’s stronger than I, and I cannot but to give in to it.”. I also heard Him say that I’m believing the words of well-meaning but confused teachers who say that struggles with sexuality are normal for single christians and that they need to be accepted. I don’t do that often, but I felt it was right to use my words to ‘break those lies in the name of Jesus’ and I asked the Holy Spirit what truths I should replace them with.
"I'm a son of God the King, I'm called to reign in life, I am powerful, I have full control over my body, at any time (besides exception circumstances), and I am taking full responsibility for the choices in my life.”
I’m putting this truth on my list of daily declarations.


Again, thank you for reading if you took the time to go through it!
Have a wonderful day

value

 

Thank you Tao, I saw you mention this strategy in a lot of your posts and it really made sense to me; so, thank you for this! - the Holy Spirit really reveals truth when I follow these steps.

It's true what you're saying actually, I can't flee from sexual immorality when the temptation happens in my mind - I'm taking that thing with me wherever I go (for better or worse ). Since I can also only indirectly, preventively influence the urge, and not at all in the moment it happens, sitting with it together with Christ, knowing it's not me but sin within me, is the only reasonable way to really 'endure' it until it passes.
The concept also flows into not putting on the old Adam-self, but to walk in the newness of resurrection-life - basically my only two options during temptations are, giving into it, putting on the old man, or sitting prayerfully in my resurrection-clothing until the storm it passes. Hmm. this is good.

Let's trust the Lord that I will have the same determination when the true storms come.
Blessings,
value

 

Hi all,

It’s Sunday night here and I hope you had a great weekend!
This is my daily review for today, as usual, if you take the time to read through it, thank you!

Day 7 - Sunday, August 7, 2022

**External Triggers** - I made a little rule for myself, that when I want to search a video on youtube (or similar), I will search it from google and access the video directly. The goal is to avoid youtube’s landing page, since that’s not a place I want to be visiting right now. I’ll reassess if I get further into my recovery but I think it’s a good rule for the time being.
Today, I misclicked and accidentally opened up the landing page and it was good I have this rule for now - I closed it without a 2nd thought.
I experienced something similar where someone posted a picture of a woman in a group chat and I quickly closed it - I don’t think the picture was very suggestive, but it’s about my heart and I think it’s good to err on the aggressive side for now.

**Protective Habits** - I did all my protective habits for today, fantastic.

**Urge Coping** - There is something where an urge came up and I’m going to look at it in the section below.

**Take Every Thought Captive** - I have a window to my neighbors’ houses from which I can see some of the female neighbors. Now, before I was serious about this, I’ve fallen deeply into the trap of fantasizing with this window and looking at that window today made an urge come up.
I want to take myself 5mins to pray about this.
I prayed about it and the same urge/desire came up again - I felt like a small child that was denied something and was in a tantrum. I felt safe and stayed in this for a moment and then asked the Holy Spirit to tell me what the lie is that I’m believing.
I felt the Holy Spirit tell me (I’m being very open and vulnerable right now) “Your earthly father never gave you the gift of attention & affection, and you’re projecting this onto the perfect Father in heaven. You’re believing that the perfect Father is withholding something from you in the same way your earthly father, in his state emotional brokenness, wasn’t able to deliver.”
I’m pretty impacted by this, naturally… Mostly because this rang very true.
I know (but not believe, I reckon) that God, my Father, has no failure in him. He doesn’t mess up or forget something in His role of fatherhood. My adoption happened by me being reborn as one of His children through the blood of Jesus - that is the greatest gift anyone could make.
But it still looks like the belief-system in my heart has some inefficiencies in that region.
I really want to work on this, so, if I find a few verses I can start to believe on (perhaps, as a rule/habit, pull them up whenever I go to the restroom and use that time to feed my ‘believer’), that could be a good start.

Lk. 12:32 (TPT): Your loving Father joyously gives you his kingdom with all its promises!
Ps. 84:11 (TPT): Those who walk along his paths with integrity will never lack one thing they need, for he provides it all!

Many blessings,
value

 

Hi all,

Here is my review for today - it’s a little lengthy, so thank you if you take the time to read through it!
These reviews give me a lot of insight into my thinking, I hope it will be encouraging to you as well!

Day 8 - Monday, August 8, 2022

I did feel somewhat tired/exhausted yesterday and today as well - not overly, I think I know where my boundaries are of overworking and I don’t think I’m pushing it, but I’m wondering if this is connected with my lifestyle-change and my body/mind getting used to submitting to a constant and scheduled day, or it’s my body going through withdrawal symptoms, either way, I’m not too concerned (let’s hope I’m right or I realize it early enough if I’m not. )

**External Triggers** - I walked by that window I mentioned yesterday but it did not create any urges. I was aware that there was, in a way, a space in my mind, if I chose to go there - but it wasn’t difficult to not let my mind go there. Great! For the rest, I was at my work desk all day so the probability for external triggers wasn’t very high.

**Protective Habits** - I did all of my protective habits today, great! I’m only on day 8, but I can see how, in a few weeks, these could bring a lot of stability into my life. They’re simple habits - shave, stretch, work-out, read the word, pray, etc. - but I think their impact can be profound over time, let’s see how it develops.

**Urge Coping** - I’m remembering one instant where an urge popped up. I want to take myself 5mins to pray about it.
I started praying and I was experiencing the urge again - it wasn’t strong, it wasn’t dangerous, but it was there. I felt safe because I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. I asked the Holy Spirit what the lie was. It was the same as usual: I saw myself in an addicted frenzy, saying: “I want this, I want this right now, I don’t care about the consequences, I just want this right now”. I stayed in this, listening to that voice for a moment. I then felt the Holy Spirit saying that I wrongly believed that a man needs sexual satisfaction in order to ‘stay sane/grounded’ and that I couldn’t truly be me if I wasn’t sexually fulfilled on a regular basis.
I then asked the Holy Spirit what the truth is. I felt Him saying that I don’t need sexual satisfaction to be complete. I started saying that phrase a few times and I felt how there was disbelief in me. I connected it with Col. 2:9-10: “For he [Jesus] is the complete fullness of deity living in human form. And our own completeness is now found in him.” (TPT)
I think the plan here is simple: I need to feed my heart this verse until I believe it - it shouldn’t be too hard but it needs consistency - I’m putting this on my daily declaration list.

**Take Every Thought Captive** - Besides the issue I just prayed about, I can’t consciously remember any thought that I should bring before the Lord, I also don’t have any on my list.

Again, thank you for taking the time to read though it, it is much appreciated,
many blessings,
value

 

Hi all!

Hope you’re doing well and your week is going good!

Here is my review for today, it’s a lengthy one. I got a good lesson about consistently remembering my identity and who God is, which is building faith, through which we have access to grace - the power to live the life He called us to life.

If you do take yourself the time to read through it: thank you, it is much appreciated.

Day 9 - Tuesday, August 9, 2022

**External Triggers** - Yesterday night, after my review, I saw a neighbor-couple being cute - it was absolutely innocent and clean, but I noticed that this was is a trigger for me. I saw them for a few seconds, noticed what was happening in my heart, and quickly changed my location - I’m proud of the way I acted, but it’s sad what I trained myself to think. I’m looking forward to the times when my mind is renewed and I can walk away without getting the trigger.

**Protective Habits** - I did all my protective habits today - actually, I woke up 30mins early and went to read the word. If you read my post from yesterday, I felt the Holy Spirit tell me that if I wanted to be free from PMO, I have to work on my identity. I need to change how I think about myself and the Father. And the way to do that, apparently, is to speak the truth to myself, over and over until I believe it.
I started doing that yesterday, unorganized, without a plan, just before I went to bed, and it had a really profound effect on me (so much so that I would get out of bed 30mins earlier to keep going, that’s not the usual me… ).
So, I decided that I would do a 2 week intensive where, at work, every hour I would do a 5min declaration time (won’t interfere with my performance) - after the first day, this has been an amazing decision, let’s see how it is moving forward.

**Urge Coping** - at work I had a few minutes of downtime and I noticed urges coming up, I quickly got busy and they went away.

Could I get feedback on this? Is it a sustainable strategy to just get busy when urges start coming up?

**Take Every Thought Captive** - I want to take myself 5mins to pray about the issue I described above.
I prayed and I felt the same way I did when I had the downtime. I saw my old Adam-self wanting to PMO: “I want this right now and I’m going to get it. Noone’s going to tell me what I can’t do, I can do whatever I want to and I want this now.”
I’m recognizing it as the voice that always eventually won the battle over PMO. I took myself some more time to pray about this. I asked the Holy Spirit what the lie is. I felt he was saying that this was my old Adam-self, the old man that was godless and it’s own god, he created the law by which he lived and in that law PMO was absolutely ok, therefore, when he wanted it, he got it.
I felt pretty scared, I saw in myself how I felt powerless against this voice, and that powerlessness made me feel afraid and not in control.
I felt the Holy Spirit say: “don’t worry, there is no reason your old Adam-self would ever have strength again as long as you continue to remember who I am and who you are.”
wow. okay. I’ve been pondering about this for a good 30mins. I know how the successful people here on NoFap say that it’s not possible without God and that we’re completely dependent on Him for our freedom. This fits well with what I believe the Holy Spirit said. As long as I know/believe who I am in Christ and who the Father is, my old Adam-self will be buried with Christ, never to come up again. So, I really, really need to make sure I consistently remind myself and fill myself with the truth of the Gospel, of who I am, now that Christ has come.

Thank you for reading, it means a lot to me!
Many blessings,
value