One month off sissy stuff - and feeling worse than ever...

Hi guys

REALLY struggling right now.

I've followed the common escalation of straight to trans to sissy material (each one feeling more pleasurable than the last), and over the last two years or so become highly addicted to the latter. It's the CRACK COCAINE of porn - it literally felt as good as a drug to me. (and B***i Sleep is the worst offender of all, for those that know what I refer to)

Anyway, due to the effects it was having in terms of triggering me outside of watching it, and especially how DAZED AND DIZZY I would now become even while consuming it and thereafter, I decided to knock it on the head.

Quitting, ironically, was the easy part. I've gone a month now without watching it, although I've still dipped into straight porn now and then. The problem is that evidently the tidal wave of my addiction has still only been growing, and for especially the last 48 hours I've been in a very bad way. Again, that terrible spaced-out, dizzy, brain fog sensation constantly, accompanied by acute anxiety (I work from home and I ain't getting much done), and I'm being triggered all the time (by films, TV, the internet, real people.......), which just snowballs. The effects of the porn have led me to sexualise so much, and because there is a clearly OCD-esque element at play, the more I try to distract myself with other activities or not think about it, the more it rears its head.

I think what triggered this acute episode was a date I had the other day, the first in ages. And she was such a cool girl. But lo and behold, the OCD brain seemed to kick in afterwards with all these porn-related thoughts, and kill off any thoughts of me pursuing it with this girl right now. Indeed, could any attempt at intimacy with her only trigger more porn/sissy-related thoughts?? Frankly I'm crushed by this, because she was the most wonderful girl I've met in a long time.

I worry that abstinence isn't enough here. I've really polluted my brain, and changed and perverted my sexual tastes, which feel out of control. I've considered hypnotherapy but because the sissy genre is founded on the idea of hypnosis, I worry that it would only complicate the problem further rather than resolve it. (I also understand now how easily porn escalation can lead to peadophilia for example. It's terrifying.)

The solution (in theory!!) would be for me to simply stop thinking these thoughts, and have these triggers die away. But tell that to my brain! Frankly it seems utterly impossible right now.

Can anyone relate? Did anyone else's addiction get so bad that they'd feel spaced out and dizzy even when watching porn? (that may have something to do my with specific choice of genre) Anyway.........would appreciate any words of wisdom, especially from fellow sissy sufferers. I can't believe what porn has done to me.