Outing a pedophile..

I know you don't mean to be insensitive and that you want to do what's right, but it's not as black and white as you are portraying it so you're coming off as being very insensitive. Have you been abused as a child? If not then I can tell you that what happens never leaves you. You don't just get over it, you learn to live with it and a lot of the time that's like walking on a tightrope. Your actions will require the abused to relive the abuse, so it's not as easy as accepting a little discomfort. In fact the very reliving could possibly undo years and years of therapy. It could possible result in the person commiting suicide.

There was a good article that was done by psychologists on the ethics behind this very situation and I wish I could post the link because they do a better job of explaining the delicate intricacies behind this delima.

Also I'm not saying your position is entirely wrong, but it's also not entirely right or ethical either.

 

Great feedback. Sorry to hear it sounds like you have experience with this

Do you think if some counseling / therapy has happened, it can better prepare someone? Or, is there always risk? Maybe some of this depends on the severity / duration of what happened.

 

There's no way someone can answer with "Well, I would" because it's such a difficult situation where every intricacy of judgement is required. Here's what I think I would lean on: Do what the victim wants. If the victim needs support in wither direction, offer it or help finding it. The possibility of future victims could haunt either decision. If it gets brought up and he gets away free from punishment/stigma/etc then will that encourage another round of criminal behavior? The statute of limitations is there for a couple reasons, to a lesser degree because there may be something wrong about suffering for past sins so much later in life.. not sure about if that applies here, of course.

Very difficult, @noonoon.. rough that you end up in this situation. You certainly have all the tools at hand to make a wise decision, though.

 

I've never been in this kind of situation, but from my perspective if you don't report him it gives him the opportunity to do it to someone else. How long has it been since you found out? From how it's worded it seems like a long time. Every day you don't tell is another day he could rape someone else. It's definitely not an easy thing to do, but this person is a threat to any young women he comes across.

 

I never said it was easy... in fact, I very clearly stated that it would be absolute hell to go through. You're acting as if I just said "whatever, she should just get over it and grow up, it's not big deal." I know this is a sensitive subject, but you're completely misrepresenting everything I said and making me out to be a heartless person. I don't think that's fair at all.

And no, I have never been abused, so obviously I can only speak hypothetically. But I still stand by everything I said. Even if it put me -- an adult -- through hell to relive that experience and tell the police, that would be infinitely worth it if it protected someone else -- a child -- from going through the same hell. I understand you're coming from a place of emotion, but I'm coming from a place of logic. If it is truly as much of a hell as you describe to go through something like that, and I 100% believe that it is (Which is why I said that in my comment, and I did not, in any way, say that it isn't a big deal or would be easy), then it just stands to reason that you would want to do everything in your power to keep others from going through that. Especially a child. I understand that it might not seem fair, going through all of that pain again to protect someone else. It might not be fair, but is it just? Is it ethical? I would say absolutely. I don't see how it would be morally ethical to spare yourself more pain at the expense of other children being abused. I'm sorry if that sounds judgemental or hurts your feelings. It's not my intention. But this is a really important thing, and I will not stand down on what I believe here to spare feelings. My first priority, in this situation, is to protect other children from sexual abuse, and I think that is worth a lot. An adult can continue to get therapy and work through their past and seek more help or medication or something if reliving the situation will be difficult for them. A child, on the other hand, is completely defenseless.

The difficult dilemma here is that you're essentially asking me to choose between the life of an adult and the life of a child, or multiple children. Neither one is a good choice. Obviously it would be terrible if the adult in this situation committed suicide from the difficulties of reliving the situation. You're almost acting as if I think that's no big deal, which is completely unfair. I'm not a heartless person. Obviously that would be terrible. But in my opinion, more children being sexually abused would be MORE terrible. Neither one is okay, but if I had to choose between protecting the woman or protecting potentially multiple other children, I would choose the children. You're free to disagree with me, but that's just how I feel about it.

 

Yes, unfortunately I was abused by my step-mother.

Yes, I think counseling/therapy can help. Having a proper support structure can make all of the difference, but I believe there is always a risk. That is what makes this situation incredibly difficult. Sometimes you can feel ready but when it happens everything can unwind. There aren't words to describe this type of situation. I think it's niave to think everything is going to workout and that the family will all understand and shower the person in support. Life doesn't work out that way, even when the family members believe you!

Yes, a lot of it can depend on the particulars of the abuse/trauma. There are a lot of things which can factor into this.

 

By the way, when I use the word "you," I'm not saying you, @Ash Wednesday, specifically. I just mean it like a hypothetical other person. Like you, me, or anyone else in the world.

 

Again, you're completely misrepresenting what I said. I didn't say it's going to work out that way. I said it's possible that it could. I think it's just as unrealistic to think that it couldn't possibly work out that way. Neither of us know.

I'm really trying to be sympathetic and tread lightly here, but it's a bit difficult when you're painting me as a heartless person and twisting my words.

 

I'm not painting you as a heartless person. That's you attributing a motive to what I'm writing that isn't there. I even tried to imply that by saying this....

I don't appreciate you saying I'm not approaching this from a logical position. Your entire position is based on an "if there is a risk of future victims" an "if" you haven't established exists in the case @noonoon has described.

I would recommend reading the article

"Ethics Rounds
This month's 'Ethics Rounds' offers guidance on psychologists' ethical obligations. Must a psychologist report past child abuse?"

Put the above title in your Google search and read the article. Look for part 2

 

Well forgive me if I don't feel that that last tiny sentence that's half nice doesn't erase all the other ways you twisted my words and called me insensitive for my opinion that it's worthwhile to report sexual abuse.

I didn't say it was necessarily your intention to paint me as heartless, but regardless, it's what you're doing.

 

Well I still stand by everything I've said. Obviously nobody is going to know if that guy is molesting other children, so I don't think we should wait for proof that it's happening before we tell somebody that he's a child molestor. I also explained in some of my earlier comments ways in which he could report the guy without giving the victims name. Which wouldn't be nearly as helpful to the police, but it would be infinitely better than nothing. I'm not dismissing or disregarding the pain of the woman in any way. I've been very clear about that.

And honestly, how could there NOT be a potential risk toward other children? Because again, if he has abused other kids or is currently doing it, who's going to know? Nobody. Sure, perhaps he will never do it again, but it's impossible for any of us to ensure that's the case. Therefore, there is a potential risk, which I think is worth it to report. I'm not going to change my mind on that, so we will just have to agree to disagree.

 

When you use words like "twisted" I feel you're implying that was my intention to paint you as heartless.

You cannot report abuse without divulging who the victim is. The police will not act on that call. Their is no way to do this without getting the past victim involved. You also don't get to be the one who gets to assume there is a risk the abuser will abuse future people. Your obligation is to take what the absued has said and not draw your own conclusions. If the abused agrees there is a risk of others being abused then yes, both of you should work on reporting this. If the past abused doesn't agree there is a risk then you need to accept that this person knows the nature of the abuser better than you do!

 

Whatever you decide to do, please don't blindly trust what anyone is saying on these forums. They aren't lawyers.

You need to look up what the law says in your country/state about a crime of this nature. If nothing else, make sure that you're not legally responsible for not reporting a crime you knew about.

 

I see your point, but I still completely disagree with you. I don't think anyone, even the victim, is capable of knowing if that person is a risk or not. In fact, the victim could be especially incapable of knowing that, because their judgement might be clouded by their own emotions and their desire to not have to report it.

This conversation is difficult, for obvious reasons. Clearly you have past experience with this and I don't. And that's awful that that happened to you, I'm very sorry to hear that. I don't know if you reported what happened to you or not, and I'm not going to ask, because it's none of my business and it would be unfair to bring that into this discussion. But I'm burdened a bit here by trying to be sensitive toward your experience, and if you haven't reported your own abuse, I don't want to come across as if I'm judging you for that or saying you're a bad person for not reporting it. So I'm trying to bite my tongue a bit.

We clearly disagree on this, and I don't think we are going to come to an agreement. I have thought about this stuff a lot. I used to study psychology, particularly because I wanted to help victims of sexual abuse, and I still don't believe there is any moral reason good enough to not report abuse, given that silence could put others at risk. That's just what I believe, and I'm sorry if that's difficult to hear. I don't lack sympathy for people who are put in that position. It's a really crappy position to be the victim of a crime and then, on top of that, have it be your responsibility to report that crime. It's completely unfair and terrible. And that's why I think it's so important to do everything in our power to stop more people from being put in that terrible position.

 

Good advice. We are all here providing our own opinions, but they are just that... opinions. You can take them or leave them.

 

I appreciate you sharing your view. I'm sorry if I've come across as hostile. As being someone who's been abused and who knew my abuser in a way others didn't, I have knowledge of this person others do not have. Our main disagreement is in that the abused can't know certain particulars about the nature of their abuser and then make an accurate threat assement based on this information. I accept that we will agree to disagree on this point and that's just the way life goes.

 

No, no, I didn't say that. I said we can't be sure if they can or not. How do you determine if their assement is "accurate" or not? Short of being God or a psychic, you can't. You can't see the future and know with 100% certainty that someone will never do _______. And when someone has already done a particular thing in the past, it's even less likely that you can say with 100% certainty that they will never do it again. I never said that the abused can't know their abuser and give a somewhat accurate threat assessment, but the point is, it's never going to be 100% certain, and even the abused, themsleves, might not realize what kind of clouds they have over their judgement when it comes to that person. Everyone has clouds in their judgement, and very few people know where their clouds are. So I don't think anyone can say for sure, even the abuser themsleves, whether or not they will commit that crime again.

And even if they won't commit that crime again, they did still commit that crime in the past, and technically there should be consequences for that.

 

If it were me, I would've told the stepmother about him so she can take half his shit and move out with the daughter. I don't think that there's any way of proving that he did the deed so divorce seems like the only possible action. Although, I would have the daughter present while you give the mother the news. I'm assuming that the mother would be understanding of the situation and keep it secret. If that's not an option and if you live in a 3rd world country, then I would recommend aggravated assault. Do the right thing, I'm counting on you! Best of luck.

 

Nothing operates under 100% certainty, which is why risks need to be evaluted. That's something you will need to accept as a psychologist if that's the path you want to take to help clients who've suffered sexual abuse.

 

OUT HIS ASS