Overcoming a Dating/Love Story in connection to PMO addiction (open discussion, please help)

{ Verily, God does not change the condition of people until they change what is within themselves.}
Sura ar-Ra`d 13:11
I can relate a lot to your story, short answer - you need to break this habit (I will put what can help to stop PMO in the end of this post).
What helped me in situation like yours - nofap 'hard mode' and accepting that maybe I will never be married if it is my destiny (even now I am engaged I try not to imagine a lot, we never know, I feel much better when I am OK with this).
Next thing - PMO problem, it is your problem and YOU need to deal with it, so telling your girlfriend (and especially her family) is not a good idea (I am not saying that you should lie, if she asks you direct question for example). You can tell someone who can encourage you, help you (professional help or just friend/family). And don’t encourage her to do this (like on phone).
Also when you are engaged/have a girlfriend don't fantasize a lot (sexual stuff and 'you future family'), it is counterproductive (be more at the present moment) and will make you horny.
Don't forget what we should put according to hadith in our life and in which order (we need to seek this, even for us it seems hard):
1.God
2. Prophet Muhammad (s.a.s.)
3. Mother
4. Farther
5. Wife
(for women it is her husband at 3rd place)
And unfortunately for us it will be more that (for example, lol):
1. Women (+PMO)
2. Money
3. Fame and acceptance of society
4. Parents (probably)

What helps, from my personal experience (you may find some other stuff what helps you):
1. Pray and ask for help
2. Get knowledge about this addiction (nofap, yourbrainonporn, etc.), scientific stuff and others experience
3. Do sports you like
4. Try to eat healthy (less sweets, etc.)
5. Have a daily routine and schedule, when you go to bed, when you get up
6. Take cold showers (not straight away, little by little, but aiming at complete cold shower for like 5-10 minutes, REALLY worth it)
7. Mindfulness exercises and meditation
8. Fasting (once a week for example)
9. Lower your gaze (don’t gaze women, look for ‘beautiful’ pictures in internet, etc.) and don't use P-subs (no Instagram, social media, Youtube music videos, IF you use them (and unfortunately almost every time people use them) as a P-sub (to see some beautiful girls). Even a little slip (‘ok I want to check up this beautiful actress’) will create a tension and easily lead to PMO.
10. In case of relapse (it's bad, but it happens, no need to feel too much ashamed and feel too much self-pity) analyze what have brought you to viewing P (boredom, loneliness, fear or other negative emotions, etc.) and pattern of your actions just before viewing P (Youtube music videos, Instagram, etc.), adjust your Nofap strategy and get back on track.
11. In case of a relapse you can make a vow to yourself to do something (like to do additional prayers or to pay some money for charity (not a big sum, but not a little), something not too hard, but not too easy either.

I wish you to get over her and good luck!

 

I have had similar feelings in the past. But it is a lie brother. Tell yourself if it breaks, let it break. Nothing will break
About talking to the dad; it comes with pressure of coming clean. But it's a false pressure. All you need to do is resolve to stop pmo (which has happened a million times before) and stay true to that effort.
Nevertheless, stay positive. Maybe it was the way of Allah telling you she's not the one. Otherwise, you would not have responded to His will.
Turn the Loss into Lessons.
Be blessed.

 

PMO had nothing to do with your break up.
First of all, you just dated this girl 3..4 times. You proposed yourself to this girl after only 2 weeks!! you don't know her at all. People start to behave normally with you after 3 months of dating. You need to date a woman for years in order to know her well and take the big step of bend the knee and propose to her.
in second place man is about purpose, goals, braking thru barriers, developing your carrear, succed in life. Woman is about bonding and connection. Instead of working on your purpose you you focus all your time in this woman and you also proposed to her, basically you were the woman in the relationship. despite she say yes it wasn't her idea to marry you. it's womans job to want to connect with his man and it have to be her idea to marry you, she need to tell you that she want that and that's when you make your proposal.
In thirth place you make her feel unconfortable by tring to change her, it doesn't matter that your intentions where good. She is the way she is and you have to love her the way she is, if you don't like her just move on and look for another girl that suits you better.
Finally you caved your grave by acting like an idiot on your fourth meetup and acting so weak while talking to his father. His father don't want a weak guy for his daughter so i'm sure he told her about your weak behaviour. She only knows you for a couple of dates, she is not in love with you yet, man fall in love instantly just by her looks, woman fall in love slowly over time. But you acted like a woman initially, propose to her, tried to change her and acted weak so now she is starting to think that you are not the man she thinks you were and she is not so sure to marry you.

She told you that she needed to think about both of you but you coudn't wait, you feared the worst so you called her to know were you stand with her. More weak behavior, she already make her mind that you weren´t a confident man that deserve her love so she dump you.

Work on yourself, take more time to know a woman before you want to marry her. You are a good catch, she also have to earn your love with actions. Act like a man, go after your goal and wait for her to want to marry you. then propose to her. Good luck!

 

What you are describing is PIED

Her father most likely was the one who called it off. He sees a 30 year old man but, he thinks of masturbation as something only done by those much younger.

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The solution is a hard reboot and next time don't let the woman's parent's view of you be tarnished by PMO. I'm not saying that you should lie to the parents. I'm saying that if you want a marriage and if MO or PMO will destroy that possibility, then semen retention and a long Reboot will work.

 

Stimulating your penis = edging (very harmful stuff).
Semen retention is nofap hard mode and no sex (or sex without orgasm).

You don't need this stuff brother, what I advice you to do is nofap 'hard mode', no PMO (including edging), no psubs, no fantasizing, no women ogling. Put some small goal (it depends on you, what is small for you), like for example '90 days hard mode' and go for it (also it can be helpful if you create a reward in case of successful accomplishment of your goal, like a trip in some country for example.
When you accomplish 90 days you will see what you want next (i think that you after 90 days will be very different and nowadays you, so left him decide what next).
The other thing - you can go back to PMO anytime you want, why not to do it also as an experiment (lets do 90 or 120 or even 1 year and then you decide, either to go back or to continue, and I am sure about what you will choose, Insha Allah)

 

As for women-men relationship
What is @p1n1983 saying is 100% true.
But I want to add my 5 cents:
PMO one of major causes of your break up, because PMO makes person weak and needy for women approval. As for men-women relationship and proposal thing I don't find it good (as a muslim) to have a long term relationship before marriage. Also you can live with a person for 1-50 years but only something bad happens and you will see her/his 'true' face, so there is no absolute need to wait 3 months or more to better understand a girl.
So what I find the better approach, lets say you found a girl you are attracted to (physically), what you should know:
- Her family (best case it is full family with father as someone who is very respected, relationship between her parents is her 'role model' for her future family).
- Virginity (especially if you are pure)
- Her attitude (especially towards you) and religiosity (same level or more, no less)
So I find that its completely OK to meet several times (3 for example) to make your decision (before that you should meet her and she should meet your parents of course). Just try to discuss also major stuff (like what you and she see as a role of husband and wife, will she work or she will be a housewife, etc.) during your dates, also ask your relatives/close friends about her and her family if they know them.
Then either you say 'goodbye', either you propose to her (I am not for bending your knee neither for making a big wedding, small ceremony in mosque will do it, but it is up to you how to do it).

The analogy for men-women relationship - you are a company's CEO (man) and you are looking for en employee with exact qualities (depends on you, what you want) (woman). So you define the rules.
Good luck.

 

Women are emotional beings. They don't want to hurt your feelings. A woman will never told you the real true about a break up because it's always your fault, if not she wouldn't broke up with you. A woman is not going to told you how to be a man, she is not there to teach you, it's your job to behave like a man a hers to behave like a woman.

Quitting porn is a good place to start to become a better man. But you also need to act more like a man should, nofap is not going to do that for you. You need to change the way you see yourself and the way you interact with woman. Theres a lot of books out there to learn about it. This girl was into you in the beginning but because you acted like a woman she went away. Work on yourself and with time you will see that your dating results are going to improve.

 

I think you can find short answer in this:
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman; (otherwise) you will be a loser.” (Al-Bukhari)
So I think mental attraction is more important if you want to compare both and by mental attraction I am talking in general about woman's attitude towards you (and of course if she is religious she should be very good in her actions towards you), which shows her character and mentality.
I think your should be physically attracted to your possible wife, I am not saying that she must be a gorgeous-looking model, just that YOU (and everyone has different tastes) find her physically attractive.
I don't think that sex life is very different if your wife is a model or just a nice-looking girl, sex-wise they are the same at the end of the day (I don't have much experience regarding this question, I hope if I am wrong @p1n1983 will correct me).
From my personal experience: I dated very good looking girl, but after she showed some disrespect, she became 'ugly' for me, and her beauty can't change anything.

So to summarize she must be religious and if she is indeed religious you will see it not only in her words and religious practices, but also in her everyday actions towards you (showing much respect, later obedience and love) and your family, also you should be attracted to her (not lust, just base-level of attraction is enough). So being religious is a basic requirement.
If she is religious AND gorgeous looking, from very good and wealthy family, take it as a bonus. I wish you such wife brother

 

Both. First you find a girl that you are attracted to physically. After dating her you also became attracted to her spiritually. That's when you can consider settleling down with her (girlfriend / wife).
Dating a girl that you don't find attractive either physically or spiritually is making you settle for a woman that don't satisfy you completely. Remember, she is going to be your woman for a lot of years or life, take your time to choose one that is almost everything you want in a woman. Until then, keep yourself single and keep dating different woman until you find and special one.

Totally, this is so true.