Incest dreams and thoughts hard to resist. Please help

I am back. Trying Again.
Last 2 reboot journals were unsuccessful but I did manage to hold out about 7 days, when I last started journaling so here is for more days.

So WHATS NEW?
Prostitute Habit didnt get better, still losing money on that front and my experience isnt even that great there.
I get limp when I try to have sex or I cant cum when i need to or the orgasm just isnt that great. Nowadays when I go to the hookers I just get them to give me a handjob because thats the fastest way I can get off and I cant even seem to get erect again for a while aswell. I would come home and then wank multiple times to get myself satisfied.
Masturbating at every opportunity i get, that I am alone.
My taste in porn is going off the rail.
My incestuous thoughts with my cousin are just not getting better either, i just have to keep remembering that its family and it is absolutely wrong and I am able to stop jerking off sometimes.

 

First Day was a success. Had a lot of urges and managed to get past them. Even in my dream when I had sexual thoughts I resisted. I am using this app called Habitaca. It's an app that gamifies your life. I add Resist habit. If I press positive that means my character gets experience if I press negative I lose health. This kinda helped me through yesterday. It was also in my dream and why I managed to resist in my dream aswell. Now let's get through today. One step at a time, one day at a time.

 

Batman is a master of all things. Naturally he is a Jedi

 

Got through Day 2. Lot of temptation but didnt act on anything, just cleared my head and got on with my day. The habitaca app is proving real useful. 2 days is good but I feel like the real struggle could just be beginning.

 

As I had assumed today was a major struggle. My brain kept saying just one more time before I stop fapping for good, its amazing the excuses I was giving myself but I kept saying no to myself in my head, it wasn't working so I started saying it out louder, it was better but it wasn't till I started punching the table and felt a bit of pain that I stopped that thought for a bit. That was around 2PM.
Around 5pm got sexual thoughts again. I seem to be sexualising any women around me, irl and on the internet. Its difficult.
There is 2 voices in my head and I'm trying to shut one down. Its night time, I am watching sadhguru videos to help me control my thoughts, might read a book but I have made it past this before so I will do it again.

 

Really struggling today on the 4th day. Mood swings and i keep telling myself just one more time, this is so much more difficult than last time. I am trying to study and the next thing I know im making up a sexual story in my head, fantasizing about what i would do, thinking about my fetish. This is disturbing, how far have i fallen

 

Day 4 Report

It was a real struggle today, this was just too much to bear. I made it through and writing this journal now but damn I had a rough day. So many mood swings today, getting pissed off for the littlest things, thought of giving up many times but made it through.
The most difficult thing was the intrusive incestual thoughts about my cousin, which i seem to have in control right now but its always difficult in the moment to persuade myself, once I am able to venture through those thoughts, i find myself disgusted. My cousin sister is older than me by 13 years and married. I dont know why I feel this way. It wasnt like this before, she was just my faviroute cousin, that was it. i just dont know what to do anymore

The other big issue is my escort problem, today I was convincced that it was okay to look at escort profiles because its not porn and that is just ridiculous, it would have lead to some sort of sexual pleasure just looking at those profiles, I genuinely concerned that I was thinking that, it makes absolute no bloody sense when I am calm but when that craving starts, all reasoning goes out the window.

Goal for now is 7 days, lets get this. Also anyone have any thoughts on my issue?

 

Day 5

Got through today alot easier than expected, no sudden urges except in the morning when I woke up. I am finding things to fill my time and really change my life. I started just going on walks for a few days and today I started running again, it was difficult but I was pumped up when I was running, saying all these positive affirmations that I will make it through this and live a life that I want.

No intrusive thoughts that much today aswell which is a big suprise, the time that it only came into my head was when I was browsing this forum earlier on today. Going at this one day at a time. Nearly reached my short term goal of 7 days so I am feeling good.

Things that helped me today:
Habitaca App
Motivational speeches on Youtube/spotify
Impact theory videos
Walking/doing some sort of physical activity.

 

Ahh man. I just woke up and it's bad. Very sexual dream of me having sex with cousin and other people. It felt so real. I was shaking and confused when I got up. Luckily i don't seem to have orgasmed. This dream was so fucking realistic, my urges are so hard to resist. I don't know how I will make it. I need help. Somebody please help me.

 

Day 6 Report
Made it through. Today morning was a real toughie, I couldnt handle it, I was going to wank off straight away but I managed to resist. Went running and walking again and thank god I didnt take my bank card. My mind was on escorts the entire time I was out, i was like fuck this, let me just go one more time and then I can restart, I didnt look at any escort profiles and the only reason I couldnt go to one was, I was sweating, didnt take my bank card and didnt find an atm with contactless cash. If i had taken my card this would have been a different story. When I was coming back home, somehow i was fantasizing and i quickly snapped out of it but then 2 seconds later im on a different fantasy and my guy was starting to get erect. I kept dismissing it by saying NO NO NO NO and calmed down a bit. The thing I am noticing is that with me quittting PMO, sexual fantasies have been insanely high and frequent.

Even after I came back from my run i was just thinking about planning to go to an escort tomorrow and how i should sort my finances so I can get the money, I am very low on money so this also kinda helped but its just disturbing how my brain is reacting to me going cold turkey. I ended up watching sadhguru videos again which kinda helped my incest thoughts. The idea is thoughts are just thoughts, they are not real, should i resist, it would multiply, so just see it as a thought and dismiss it. I really feel this helped.

I then tried to keep the rest of my day busy. The habitaca app helps because, I am doing some new habits and its really helpful. I do 10 push ups and sit ups at night, watch a motivation/self improvement video, work on ideas for a personal project. I am not great YET but I will improve my life and make it better than each previous day.

so now day 6 is done, i will be onto day 7. Now it was on day 7 night last time that I relapsed and went fully back into PMO and escorts because I failed and felt that nothing could change me but I think different now, I will get past day 7.

Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever. - Lance Armstrong

 

Yep, I fucked up. I reset.
It was a good morning yesterday and I thought I was going to make it till I went walking in the park yesterday. Let's just say I have a thing for older ladies... anyhow one was running in front of me the whole time and my brain couldn't take it. I sat down on a bench in the park and looked for an escort. Eat there for 30 minutes just scrolling but not getting a hard on. Went home and my parents had to go out so I thought I had some time to regroup my thoughts instead I was tearing up the house looking for money to go to an escort. I was insanely horny. At this point I pretty much gave in and left for the escort when my parents came back. Did the deed and Orgasmed. Came back home and then masturbated to P once after a few hours and went to sleep. Felt disappointed in the morning but I will try again from Today. Coincidentally no nut November.

2 good things tho when I was with my escort I managed to dismiss my incestuous thoughts and the P I watch was rather vanilla.