PIED. I think I have Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction or Sexual Performance Anxiety

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by Dovahk11n, Jan 14, 2019.

  1. Dovahk11n

    Dovahk11n Fapstronaut

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    Hello all,

    New here. 27 yrs old. Started a new journey recently. On day 2 of my new goal to reach 90 days.

    I know that i dont have a physiological dilemna getting erections. They happen at random, morning wood, at work, when i watch porn or even touch myself. But i think i might be battling with a mental/psychological dilemna. When my new SO and i have attempted sex, i deal with a surge of anxiety unlike ever before, and it causes me to not be able to get it up. Sexual performance anxiety at its core. Its terrible, and its frustrating. And so i am embarking on this journey to not masturbate for 90 days and not watch porn or any triggers during this time frame either.

    I have a deep gut feeling that porn and masturbation has conditioned me to have this ED, because i probably did too much of it growing up, and recently, between relationships. Now that i have a SO, and we're both dealing with this problem, its negative effects on the relationship are catastrophic. Im trying to find a way to help us both move forward, and help me deal with this issue.

    Any advice? Has anyone dealt with sexual performance anxiety, and if so how did you overcome it? What about PIED? Im not sure how to even bring this up with my SO. It all seems like such a hard conversation to have. Where do i start? Will she even find me attractive after all this? Could this destroy this relationship? Could this situation somehow bring us closer together, or will it push us further apart?

    All and any advice welcome. Thank you.
     
    Lawliet129 likes this.
  2. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    I had performance anxiety. What helped me was to wait. The girl never forced me to put my dick inside and i took the time i needed to be 100% comfortable. I made sure that she was still feeling amazing and desired every day, just not with my dick inside her. Learn to make her happy, and don't make it about intercourse alone.

    Eventually, our first time was magical and i feel privileged that i had my first time with i woman i wanted to be with and who wanted to be with me as well like that.

    Kiss her
    Make her feel desired.
    Make her come without intercourse just because you want to see her happy
    Kiss her
    Cuddle
    Tease her (underestimatd AF)
    Kiss her
    If you are romantic, use candles or roses. whatever floats your boat. Or hers
    Listen to her adn be a help in Life, show her you actually care
    Did i mention to kiss her?
     
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  3. Phoenix Azure

    Phoenix Azure Fapstronaut

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    You have some very good advice here already. I will just add in some of my own experience that might be helpful to you.

    It is a hard conversation to start. But that's the most difficult bit! I have had some very difficult talks with my partner, and mustering the courage to start the conversation has been the hardest bit. You are your own biggest obstacle. My experience is that once you have broached the subject, while it may be awkward at first, it is very much appreciated by your partner.

    I have been unable to orgasm for a year, and my boyfriend took it very personally in the beginning, even though it had nothing to do with him or his techniques (it is medical/physical). Having some (difficult!) talks about this was helpful for me, but even more so for him. He is now ok with it, fully aware that I am happy with him, our sex life and the relationship, and we are doing better than ever. Showing your partner this vulnerability is very humbling, and great for your relationship. They will probably also then feel more comfortable with being very open in return. And not least, making it clear to her that this is YOUR problem, and not in any way related to her will make her feel a lot better about herself and your relationship. I would very strongly recommend gathering your courage and talking to her about this.

    Best of luck to you!
     
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  4. SirErnest

    SirErnest Fapstronaut

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    Yup maybe take time off all sexy stuff. And look up something called Karezza: I think many people now think that what we see in pornography is what real life has to be.
     
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  5. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    @Dovahk11n

    Hey bro,

    Let me give you some big brother advice from a happily married man of 9 years. We have to REALLY redefine what GOOD SEX is.

    The whole point of sex is NOT about performance. It is about connecting.....giving and receiving. Part of what makes sex so great is the vulnerability there. You are both engaged with the most intimate parts of your anatomy.

    So the 1st piece of advice is to change your mindset. Sex is about enjoying each other, and learning about each other's needs. While an orgasm is cool, there are MANY times a guy can O and be emotionally and spiritually FAR removed from their SO.

    The most important thing you can give to your SO is an open heart and mind. Let her know about your NoFap journey, and that you are going through alot of chemical changes by reducing PMO. Also let her know how much you care about her and want her to feel good.Tell her how beautiful she is and that you think about her all the time.

    Now here is the good news for you. When a woman is comfortable and reassured, she can easily achieve an O (barring any extra circumstances). Between oral, toys, fingering, massage, and other kinky stuff....that can happen. If lesbian couples can be fulfilled sexually and have no penis, trust me bro it can be done.

    To be honest, the hottest thing for me during sexual encounters with my wife, is to actually see her O. Alot of my M time before NoFap actually involved me thinking of my wife O'ing in alot of different situations.

    Also, maybe try 69 as you are both stimulating each other.

    At the end of the day though, remember. You are radically changing your body doing NoFap. Give yourself time to adjust.....but while that changes you can still ravish the HELL out of your SO. Trust me she will thank you for it.
     
  6. Dovahk11n

    Dovahk11n Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the advice. I do need to make sure she feels desired. I think maybe i have been lacking in this area. Unfortunately, she is not into foreplay one bit. So this kind of makes it difficult to please her sexually when all she wants is intercourse. I'll definitely try harder tho to figure this out. Thanks man
     
  7. Dovahk11n

    Dovahk11n Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the advice. I think in my situation it isnt much of an addiction, as much as it is just a habit. But its a detrimental habit, when the only times you have a sexual experience is when porn is involved. But who knows, maybe this is an addiction and i havent even realized it. But for sure, i need to open up soon and let her know about this issue. And like you said, if she walks, then what can you do. Ill keep in mind 1 day at a time. Thanks man.

    Btw, how do you reach out to a moderator? I might move this over if i can
     
  8. Dovahk11n

    Dovahk11n Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the advice! I need to find the courage. I know the conversation will be the hardest part. Im just afraid ill be veiwed as weak or broken, and she wont want to put up with that. It sucks when you think that a random dysfunction might be the reason someone walks away. But i guess all i can do is suck it up.
     
  9. Dovahk11n

    Dovahk11n Fapstronaut

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    Interesting. Im going to look this up! Thanks
     
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  10. Dovahk11n

    Dovahk11n Fapstronaut

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    That is all great advice. Appreciate you. Thats awesome you have such a great sex life with your SO. I believe thats the goal for all of us. Ill listen to your advice and do what shes comfortable with. I need to definitely reassure her. Thanks brother.
     
  11. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    Ha ha..... I hear on the "she isn't interested in foreplay, but just wants intercourse".

    My wife says that too. TRUST ME it is NOT true. Many times sex for a woman is like accomplishing 1 of their many tasks of the day. So if it is right before going to sleep or late then sometimes they want to just "get on with it".

    But rest assured the BEST foreplay starts WAY before you see each other. Remember, women are more mental and are about the DESIRE of connection. Men are about the ACT of connecting.

    So throughout the day, say and do things that will make her think about you and want to be with you. Let her know that you have taken care of something she needs/wants, or that you cant wait to tell her something later on that day. Etc, etc. Again create an atmosphere where she can be at peace or feel safe. Trust me bro, the more you do that, you put her mind into overdrive.....and let me tell you. A womans mind is FAR more powerful than any tongue, hand, finger, toy, gift, etc.

    Start giving her massages and find out where she likes to be touched. That is worth its weight in gold. The neck is WAY more powerful than breasts and crotch.

    Just some tips of the trade bro. Hang in there man. You are on your way. Just keep being honest and sincere in your desire to be better through NoFap and honesty and you will be good.

    Matter of fact, its 10am now. I am going to text my wife some things to start getting her in the mood for tonight :)
     
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  12. Dovahk11n

    Dovahk11n Fapstronaut

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    Haha. Bro. This is great advice. Those are wise words from an experienced man. This is why you are married, and we are not lol. The matter which you explained it, has definitely opened up my mind to how women are. It all makes more sense now. They are all about feeling connected, and we are all about doing the connecting. Crazy man. So true. Thanks again bro. Ima make sure i send her a few communications her way as well.
     
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  13. Phoenix Azure

    Phoenix Azure Fapstronaut

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    True. Listen to this man.

    Honestly, you can make a woman feel insanely good without ever going near her crotch. Go play =)
     
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  14. Coolyorky

    Coolyorky Fapstronaut

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    It’s good you still get morning wood etc

    Abstain from pmo brother. Interact with your bird bit you’re not allowed to touch it apart from washing or taking a piss haha
     
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  15. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    I like this guy.

    Mate, you are like me. We have the absolute same mindset. You are my spiritual brother now, whether you want ot be or not : )
    I just havent found the right one for me yet, thats the only difference.
     
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  16. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    It's not about him being married or not. Its the mindset that makes the difference. if you make yourself vulnerable to someone else, you can get hurt, yes, but also very beautiful and magical things can happen that sadly, not a lot of people actually experience.

    Sex isnt about quantity. its about quality that makes it a positive part of your life. And that includes the whole relationship with the woman around it as well : )
     
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  17. Lawliet129

    Lawliet129 Fapstronaut

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    i feel you bro
    hey man im 1 year older than you and i still havent reach day 90...im at day 71 but I can already see the good effects of NOfap... everyday i have a morning wood and its stronger than it was before... aside from nofap i also dont take a hot bath i always use cold water i think it also has a good effect for 'that' and I also do some exercise funny but from mantak chia just search him on youtube and its also important that you do some meditation atleast 5 minutes a day this i learned from Dandapani search him too on youtube, just focus on breathing through your nose only its important man trust me. oh one more thing lift some weights but do not overdo it, just lift for not more than an hour. Discipline is the key if you want to see some change in your life.
    that is all and God bless
     
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  18. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    Trust me guys,

    I am still learning. It takes TIME to understand your SO. You have to be willing to take your pride and ego and put it on the shelf.

    Also your SO has to feel safe enough around you to let you know what they ARE REALLY thinking and feeling. In my opinion, it takes women awhile to really figure out what they TRULY want. I would say it's not until women are in their mid 30s to where they start understanding that and can communicate it.

    Part of marriage helps you learn that. No relationship is static and the people involved are constantly growing and changing. So at the end of the day you are always able to learn and discover something new about your SO.

    Matter of fact, last night I thought I was going to get sex, but instead she shared with me about a personality profile she took, that she thought really explained her thinking and behaviors. It was very vulnerable for her. So I decided it was MORE intimate to focus on that instead of sex.... and I told her that while I was horny, I would put that aside to focus on HER.

    Again, its about intamacy. I GAVE HER SOMETHING, that not even an orgasm can: premium time and attention

    Remember....intamacy STARTS with non-sexual first. I heard a mentor say it this way: "Whatever you give a woman, she will return it back to ten times over"

    So, I know all DAY today, my wife is going to be thinking about how her man MADE TIME for her.....because he values HER. What do you think I'm gonna get for the next 2 nights??

    Anyway, it's about being the things your SO needs at different times. Sometimes a lover....sometimes a bit of a jerk, sometimes a friend, sometimes a counselor...... whatever it is. But you just have to STAY IN THE GAME.

    Be encouraged.
     
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  19. Dovahk11n

    Dovahk11n Fapstronaut

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    Thank you brother. This is some good advice. I have started doing some meditation to deal with lifes stress and the anxiety I get, and i can tell you man, it helps a whoollle lot. A crazy lot. I never believed in meditation until one day i was like, "ok, its either try this, or go to the doctor". Im do glad i tried it. I need to do more of it for sure. Incorporate it daily.
     
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  20. Dovahk11n

    Dovahk11n Fapstronaut

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    Thank you all for all your advice. I really appreciate it. Ill keep on strong and keep yall updated as time goes on.
     

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