Playing with fire

I know what you mean. Stay away from it. One action will lead to another until you relapse and hate yourself for even thinking you could control it.
It's better to think ahead and keep yourself clean from urges like that. If you realize you are in a position (undisturbed, in front of your PC, nothing to do ...) that could lead to something, try to act preemptive and remove yourself from that position. Leave the house, do something productive, whatever.
Don't trust yourself.

 

Every time you successfully fight through the urges and avoid relapse, regardless of how much of a close call it was, is what gives you progress my friend. It's not always like a perfectly laid out path of happiness towards a reboot, usually it's rough and bumpy, and you gotta struggle and fight.

As long as you don't intentionally seek for a dopamine kick, or start edging, you're fine and you just gotta persevere this no matter how hard okay? Stay positive, keep going and keep moving forwards, get up every time you fall. Good luck!

 

I think you have to know your triggers to understand where, when and why. I've been at it a very long time... 32 years lol. I could wake up and mo, go to bed and mo, come home from work and mo, sit at the pc and no, open the phone and mo, edge all the time I could. Crazy.

What I did was block social media on my phone. Researched brain chemistry and swore here I wouldn't masturbate or watch porn again.

The only thing I've "sinned" with is sex chatting to one woman always initiated by her. I've treated this as some kind of test of willpower. I've kept my hands off my dick throughout my abstinence despite sometimes being extremely horny. Woke with woodies and bathed in the urge until it went away. Kept off internet porn altogether and just recently started to scale down the chatting. It's been a gradual process of letting go for me really rather than ... bang cut off cold turkey.

I really do not feel like having a wank ever again, I seem to have built an emotional disgust to it, the same with porn, watching people fucking while you masturbate to them. Doesn't sound at all right that, does it.

In this time I've gradually gone out more, done more things, met more people, told a few close friends of my struggles and keep in contact everyday. This has also led to a profound drop in social media usage altogether. I'm getting to the point that's under control too.

I understand now where I did it, when I did it and why I did it. And it cones down to spending too much time alone. Not only in my own company but in my own head. All my life I've been like this but now I'm self aware and tackling it head on and winning the battle.

The sex chatting to one person only has helped me learn things about myself too and this is now dying away. I can say no. And that's because I've built up will power of controlling my urges in masturbating altogether and watching porn where and when I watched it and keeping my hands off when chatting.

Creating a disassociation with masturbating, porn, pc, and phone.

 

At the beginning of a reboot I think you should stay away completly from all kind of trigger. Don't test yourself to see if you can resist, it's not about you, it's about chemicals in your brain. After a while you'll feel stronger and then you can just live your life without always having to worry about triggers leading you to relapsing. The time it takes depends on everyone. It took me 40 days to build enough strenght and confidence to resist any trigger.

In example, at the beginning I wouldn't risk showering at the gym with all the naked guys. I didn't feel safe. On day 40, i felt strong enough to shower with them without looking, getting turned on and end up relapsing. They are still a trigger to me and yes I got excited, but I felt strong enough to just keep going with my life.

About ex-guys which whom you used to have kinky chat, I recommend blocking them, especially at the beginning of a reboot. First, it's nothing real/authentic. Second, this is probably one of the biggest trigger...

 

I hav

e also lived in and lived from in my head for so long, some days, I see how I am starting to see reality, and living from reality instead.