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Please bear with me, sharing very private thoughts

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Hold the Line, Jul 31, 2021.

  1. Jul 31, 2021 #1
    Hold the Line

    Hold the Line Fapstronaut

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    Thoughts i'm not happy that i have, but it's somewhat good when they appear, because they show me how bad my situation is and give me motivation to hang on and not relapse.
    It's not easy for me to share this because it's twisted and shows me as very bad
    My brother got married couple days ago and we met with the bride's family at the event.
    A fairly large portion of the time i only though about the bride's younger 14 year old sister and how much i want to %^&* her... she kept looking at my and it made me feel very awkward, every time i caught her looking at her and didn't know what to do to make it stop.
    I'm 22 years old, luckily i'm a very rational person and would never try anything stupid with a 14 year old, especially when it's now my sister in-law, if that's how it's called.
    She has another 28 year old sister and all i can think is like, wow she's so $%^&ing hot...
    And a fair portion of time is spent glaring at their bodies like a baboon, i try to avoid it as much as possible, it happens quite often with women that i inspect their body and imagine sick thought with them, i'm ashamed to tell you that younger girls also do it for me...
    like even 13-12 year old if they look good...
    I don't know if it's a mental disorder or that it's quite common, because i'm not quite sure if it's ''cureable'', i think it's just something i need to bear, and accept that it's wrong and won't happen.
    These are my personal thoughts, i don't controll them so please don't go hard on me, i would like to know if anyone feels like me.

    Doing nofap for about 10 months, currently at a 36 day streak no PMO, about 70-80ish days no P.
     
    Hold the Line, Jul 31, 2021
    Hold the Line, Jul 31, 2021
    #1
  2. Aug 8, 2021 #2
    Saythatagain

    Saythatagain Fapstronaut

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    Hey man. I think you are doing awesome and I’ve had similar issues. You are at your peak and I found when I was pushing for a streak to watch out for the major points (7-14-30 days, any almost month) etc. it’s all a challenge. First off your body is created to eat, breathe and reproduce. I feel so many guys just expect these urges to stop. Honestly it’s all involuntarily controlled. I see a ton of guys obsessing over “failure “ when mostly it’s progress. Maybe in the past you would have flirted, been touchy and done what you could to F those girls no matter the consequences. In this case you noticed and you corrected your behavior. That’s awesome. I’m in SA so I’m down with “one day at a time” and “progress not perfection” stuff. Try hard to keep stepping forward and work hard to not step back as far as you have before. Push to not stay on the ground too long. You know you can act out and do what ever your brain and your dick want. So try to do steps in a better direction. You will be able to offer someone something that no one else has the balls to do man…advise, encouragement and hope. I would be more impressed with that over the girls you banged. Keep going.
     
    Saythatagain, Aug 8, 2021
    Saythatagain, Aug 8, 2021
    #2

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