PMO, SSA, and Masculinity

Newbie here. Been struggling with sexual issues most of my life. I was sexually abused multiple times, by male and female, when I was a kid, and I've sort of always had a pretty high sex-drive since then. I did a lot of "experimenting" and messing around with friends growing up and even a little into High School. I also discovered porn very early and got into it pretty heavily early on too. I didn't have a whole lot of friends growing up, so I think part of my attraction toward guys was really a longing to be accepted with the cool guys, or to have that "brother" figure. That desire, I think, just became intertwined with my hyper-active sex drive and morphed into really strong SSA. I never wanted a romantic relationship with another guy. I've always really enjoyed romance with women. It's weird: for me, it's always been easier to see men as sex objects with no emotional attachment, and women as potential relationship material before being very physically attracted.
I AM very physically attracted to women, though. It's just that objectifying them doesn't come as easily to me. If I watch straight porn, both the guy and the girl have to be physically attractive to me, otherwise it's a turn off (like if the guy is fat or something). I know, kind of weird.
As I've analyzed all this, it seems like a lot of my sexual issues (including PMO) are rooted in issues with my own masculinity... like the fantasies I indulge in and stuff are sort of artificial boosters to my own sense of masculinity. I've done a lot to improve myself over the past decade, including working out on a regular basis (and having a very nice body as a result), eating healthy, going back to school, etc... and I notice that when I make improvements in true masculinity (like gains at the gym, or financial mile-stones, etc...) it helps me not be so tempted by PMO. But, when I get depressed or down on myself, especially about my masculinity, that's when PMO and sex stuff in general gets way out of control.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this?? I know it seems kind of weird, but I'm guessing I'm not the only one.

Most recently my struggles include a lot of other people's opinions... like I have a subconscious need to be affirmed or admired as a man. I get off on other people being attracted to me, or turning others on. I've gone onto hookup apps like Grindr to post pics and stuff, not to meet up (I usually don't go that far), but just to see the buzz I can create and sort of fantasize about "what might happen" if I did meet up. I also catch myself checking out other dudes a lot. Trying to see their package through their shorts or something to "measure up" and compare. I've noticed that when I fall hard into PMO, I start to turn EVERYONE (not just guys but girls too) into sex objects around me. If I see a hot guy or girl on the street or at work, I start to imagine all of the sexual stuff I'd like to do with them.... but then when I actually think about it, I *know* I don't actually want to do any of that with those people. The thought of actually doing it grosses me out.. which makes me realize that it's the PMO screwing with my brain.

So, long story short, I'm on here to try to kick all this crap. I don't know exactly how it's all related, but I know it is. I want healthy male-male relationships that aren't potentially sexual in the back of my mind. I want confidence in my own masculinity. And I want a strong, vibrant, healthy sex life with my wife. In order to achieve all that, I need to kick my addiction to the quick fixes of PMO, etc...

I'd love to know if there are other guys out there who can relate. Thanks.