Porn addiction, 12 Step and hopeless bingeing

Hello all you very brave souls. I’m a sex addict and porn addict, and have been for 45 years. I walked into an SAA meeting 2.5 years ago and dove very deeply into that program. I can say I’ve experienced some profound things participating in that group, but alas, have still, periodically had relapses. My question here is: are there any of you out there who’ve experimented with any sexual recovery 12-step groups, and if so, have they been beneficial to you? How so? After much self searching and program work, it is now crystal clear to me how much internet pornography has deeply shaped my entire life. And I don’t hear this subject talked a lot about in SAA meetings. From what I’ve experienced, many shares touch on pornography as being “middle circle” activity - which was my take for a while. As it turns out for me, the “marijuana” of my sex addiction (pornography) was actually the crystal meth. Incredible how sneaky and life altering pornography has been for me. I can honestly say that my obsessive and chronic use of pornography (and not pornography in and of itself - I even worked in the porn business) has guided the entire course of my life. I’ve wasted so very many years. Peace to you reader. May you not make the same mistakes I’ve made.

 

Thanks for your reply. I was unaware that PAA existed until recently, although I’ve never been to one of those meetings. It’s something I’m going to look into for sure.

 

Thanks for your input. I’ve worked through all 12 steps with three different sponsors, as well as having done my step one presentation 3 different times. I chose to do this because upon hearing another step one presentation at my home group, the thought immediately occurred to me that I needed to go deeper for my own benefit. Then, after I did it a second time, I was further encouraged to go even farther with a third attempt which helped me to really see my own powerlessness and complete unmanageability. Good luck to you in the program. It’s been very useful to me in a thousand ways.

 

770 days! Incredible. Congrats to you. Any sex addicted person knows that what you’ve accomplished is indeed very difficult. And yes, SAA gives each of us the opportunity to define for ourselves what is and what is not healthy behavior. And I can say that my circles have changed a few times over my years in SAA. My compulsive pornography consumption has revealed itself to be quite a problem for me, so I’ve had to redefine what kinds of images and videos are not good for me to consume. I’m a hard case. A very obsessive user. So very simple, non pornographic, images and videos have the potential to send me into hell - if I’m not clear about my circles - or about how these specific things affect my brain. Congrats again to you. 770 days is quite the accomplishment.

 

Also, I’d like to say here that I worked in the adult business for many years (I no longer work in that industry). And because of the position I had, I’ve seen behind the curtain like very few have. I have no interest in banning pornography or saying anything good or bad about it. Consenting adults should be able to do what they want. All I’m concerned with is my own radically compulsive use of internet pornography and the effects my use has had on me - and me alone. I don't know if pornography is the problem. What seems to be my problem is my own radical overindulgence and misuse of it. Example: my last binge was over 40 orgasms in five days - completely impossible without my use of extreme fetish based online pornography. It’s embarrassing for me to post this, but it’s also important for me to state that the “porn business” isn’t holding a gun to my head to behave this way. I’ve used my own preference (or need) for extreme pornography to fuel higher and higher experiences of “enjoyment” - essentially and successfully (if only temporarily) numbing all the real issues in my life - of which there are many. I blame no one but me. My only real hope is that I can experience some positive brain changes with my continued effort of using HSIP less and less. I have a long way to go, friends.