Porn, inexperience and relationships.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Gate708, Nov 14, 2016.

  1. Gate708

    Gate708 New Fapstronaut

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    Apologies in advance for the text wall. I just feel like it's helpful for folks to have as much info as possible. I'm closing up on day seven and I feel pretty okay. Today I've been kind of thinking about exactly how porn has changed my thought processes and stunted my own growth.

    A little background: I'll be 23 in a few days, and I've been what I would consider a pretty heavy porn user since about 17. I've had very few romantic relationships in my teens with the last one ending at 18. None of them lasted long and none were really sexual, save for the last one. After that I THOUGHT I was getting into a comfy relationship with a very nice girl, who turned out to just be extremely overly affectionate. We never did anything sexual, but she was very touchy and cuddly. Turned out she just wasn't into me that way. I've been catfished a couple times as well but those were a direct result of porn use.

    The long and short of it is I don't think I really know how to start and maintain a relationship with a woman. I didn't date through high school. I've did not and do not have a "ready supply" of girls to go out with and get to know. Even if I did I couldn't tell you if a girl was interested in me or found me attractive unless she told me straight up.

    I know it's pretty early in my recovery to try and hunt down a steady girlfriend, and that isn't what I'm looking for. Articles I've read on porn addiction and recovery have said that affection and intimacy with females is good for recovery, and I'd tend to believe that especially considering my total lack of experience. But where do I even start? My hobbies and work don't really take me places where I would meet girls, and even if they did I'd still be disinclined to chat up a random girl. That has just always felt intrusive to me.

    Have you had a similar situation? Have you felt like you just didn't know how, or even didn't deserve to be in a relationship at all? What did you do about it?
     
  2. F50C137YZ

    F50C137YZ Fapstronaut

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    First off, approaching a woman in the right way is not intrusive, as long as you can take a hint. You can approach anywhere, you just have to work on being more socially aware so that you don't make anyone uncomfortable.

    I have experienced basically everything that you are saying.

    Btw, that girl DID feel that way about you. It sounds like she wanted to take things to the next level physically, but you didn't catch the hint and she moved on. You can't always take women on their word. They often say one thing and mean another when it comes to dating, especially if they like you.

    It's easier for her to say, "I never felt that way about you." Than to say, "Well, I did feel that way about you and I even tried to escalate things physically, but you didn't take the hint, which turned me off and made me feel differently about you. So, now I don't really feel that way anymore."

    Touching is like the main way to escalate things to a physical level. If you were hesitant and unsure when she's touching all over you, she takes that as "I'm not confident in myself and my sexuality. If you want this to go any further, you are
    going to have to make the move." Which is not sexy to a woman.

    Anyway, check out Hayley Quinn on YouTube. She talks all about this and a bunch of other stuff when it comes to dating.
     
  3. Gate708

    Gate708 New Fapstronaut

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    I DID try to take things up a notch with that girl. After about a month or a little more of seeing her I tried to kiss her and she stopped me. I kept seeing her after that, and one night I stayed over at her house. We didn't do anything but she fell asleep partially on top of me while we were in her bed watching a movie, so I just stayed. When I left the next day she announced later through Facebook she was suddenly ENGAGED to a different guy, and they got married within a month. I stopped talking to her immediately.

    It's a big fucked up story but trust me, I did try. If she was into me, why did she stop me from going further? With just a KISS? It even seemed to be a romantic moment, out in the dark in the rain.

    EDIT; I watched that video and, well, yeah that sounds about like exactly what happened, except I did try to escalate.
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2016

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