I'm gonna make this clear from the start, this is not my first reboot attempt, it's my third. But although I may have failed twice already, I did learn a hell of a LOT of useful information that's gonna make things much simpler and straight forward this time. You see, the other two times I sort of went in blind and not exactly understanding what I was doing, and unbeknownst to me I was setting myself up for failure from the very start. Here I'm gonna share all I've learned with you and seeing what feedback comes my way. Firstly some basic info on me, so you know where I'm coming from. I'm 30, male and have pretty much the same deal going on as most of you guys have. PIED - I fucking hate that term, but who doesn't, right? Brain Fog Death Grip I'm just gonna get straight into what I've learned and leave the rest of the unimportant stuff out. So If you're starting a 90 day reboot, I really recommend you take a look at this. "Pre-Boot" One of the most important things I learned from my two previous attempts was to make things easier before things start. The old saying "PPPPPP" or "poor planning produces piss poor performance" rings true on this guys. If your starting on a full 90 day reboot, then I would recommend you do what I call a "Pre-boot". It's like leaving your clothes out for a busy day, on the night before so you're not rushing around and end up late. I'm gonna list things here that worked for me, and should help you too: Step1 - Set a goal: Take Steps to making it happen! I cannot stress this enough, whatever yours is you need to imagine it real hard and ACTIVELY take steps to make it HAPPEN. Whether it's getting your erections back or what ever. Get things organized, get a plan in motion and GET IT DOWN ON PAPER. Leave no room for bulshit or error. Imagine it sitting in your driveway, waiting for you to complete 90 days. Be ruthless, chase it down relentlessly. Make it your primary focus and you're on the right track. Step 2 - Porn curfew: No porn before 8pm! Trying to quit porn a day after a marathon masturbation binge is like trying to jump out of your car doing 100mph, sure it "might work" but there are better ways of doing it. One thing that I recommend is, set your start day a full week away from today (assuming you start your reboot today). Mark the calendar (start day & Finish day) for a full 90 days. Think of these 7 days in-between as not some kind of holiday, but rather you setting things up to make the full 90 MUCH easier. As simple as it sounds, limiting your porn time to certain hours DOES WORK. For me it was 8pm, as it meant I didn't waste all day and actually got stuff done during the day instead of using porn. First I curfewed my regular dose of porn then worked down to curfewing the rest (emails, forums, etc) until there was NOTING before 8pm. It also really helps if you apply the same thing to ANY device you have, phone, tablet and computer! NO PORN WHATSOEVER UNTIL AFTER 8PM!! Believe me, this helps A LOT! Step 3 - GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! This goes without saying, but you can't spend the day jacking off if you're in public. Think about it, we do all our wacking off at home and if you're not at home, you're not wacking off! This means getting the fuck outside for as much time as you can. Go for a walk, preferably a long one 20mins plus, and preferably LEAVE YOUR PHONE AT HOME. Go into town, meet friends, walk the dog, etc. You get the idea! Step 4 - Time Management: Hobbies. Now that you've cut porn out of most of the day, you're gonna want to start filling in the free hours and FAST. Simply put, you need a distraction...BUT... not just any old distraction will do! Trust me, this is where I came undone in the past. Let me explain; Imagine your brain is like a race car and normally it's gets revved up and speeds straight to Pornotown at a100mph. But now, since you're rebooting you've got it stuck in a red light and it's getting more and more revved up by the second! Its engine is roaring (urges) and its tyres are smoking (libido) and the light is teetering on the brink of turning green. And here's the kicker, if you let it roar off at 100mph right into the middle of some boring or shit job you've been putting off for months it's going to end BADLY! DO NOT DO THIS!!! You will literally be counting the seconds until the job ends and feel worse afterwards. Instead, use a hobby you LOVE DOING (that bit is important) and let the race car speed headlong into that. Whatever your thing is, do it with all that pent up motivation. The clever part here is, you trick your brain by replacing something pleasurable with another pleasurable thing and NOT some mind-numbing task it will scream at you for. One thing worth nothing is, Porn is a hobby. Whether we think so or not, it ticks all the boxes as one. It gives us pleasure, we're skilled at getting it and it fills out time. You need to take these three factors and instead of using them on porn, use them on your hobby. Step 5 - Change how you see porn & the real world. One huge thing I started to see into my first reboot was I began to notice the world around me, more specifically, Women! Now that I was boycotting porn, the only outlet I had was non-pixel women. I've always been sexually aware of women, but porn had really dulled my sense of real women to the point where, I knew they existed but had little or no interest in being with one, or having a relationship with one. Don't get me wrong, I have tons of female friends and I love their company, but as for a relationship, I was dating porn and that dirty minx did EVERYTHING I could ever want. The former got me thinking, and I imagined what would happen if I did meet a girl? Or better yet, what if the girl of my dreams walked up to me wearing a swimsuit and stuffed her number down the front of my pants?? WHAT COULD I REALLY DO? Think about it for a second, what if that actually happened? A stunning girl, on par with those pornstars I'm used to seeing actually hitting on me and here I am with a dick that doesn't wanna play ball! It's like a nightmare and even worse, its coming true! So I figured I'd flip it on its head. Every time I saw a pretty girl I remembered that nightmare scenario and used it to motivate myself. Afterwards when my first reboot failed, I carried that idea over and it works. Next time you look at some pornstar, think about what would happen if you ever met her and she started hitting on you. Well one thing is for sure your dick better be on it's A-Game! And there is only one way to make that happen. Once you try it, start to see motivation everywhere. Pretty girls will always catch your eye so imagine yourself AFTER your reboot, talking to the stunner you see at the bar and knowing that if you ever do get her number Mr Happy is gonna have his head in the game! The real world is full of sexual imagery, and don't think of them as Triggers but rather Motivation. Everytime you see a poster, or a ad on tv or whatever with a sexualzed theme, think of it as a teaser of what's to come when you're rebooted! Like a trailer for a movie you REALLY want to see, but have to wait for! Just remember how good it's gonna be when you get it! Step 6 - Ramping it up & the stash Step 6 is simple, take what you've been doing already and ramp it up. Get outta the house more, tighten the curfew to 10pm, deal out more time for your hobby and actually do it. By now it should be easier to do. Also make time to connect with real women. This is IMPORTANT. This means meeting them and spending time with them, if you're eating into your porntime then EVEN BETTER, as it means your replacing negative with positive, which is ALWAYS GOOD! The idea here is to lay the foundations for during and post re-boot. If you're a single guy then having lots of female friends is a HUGE help. (For varying sexual orientations, insert your preferred gender here, you get the idea.) Basically what I'm saying is, get out there and see what's gonna be on the table post re-boot and if you have a decent circle of female friends already in place it will make things run a lot smoother. As for The Stash, now I realise this is a Heated Topic. Some will advise getting rid of it right away, but I would say not to. And here's why. If you were like me thinking purging the lot because 90 days will be a breeze then I've got news for you Buddy, IT ISN'T! A reboot is TOUGH. Porn addiction is not like Alcohol, Drugs or Gambling addiction; for those you need outside stimulants and money. Vodka, Crack and Cash are all required for the former, but porn is always there in one shape or form. Whether its your laptop, work computer, phone, supermarket or even a sexy billboard on the way to work. Its in our heads and we need to rewire in order to fix ourselves. We live in a world saturated with sexual imagery, trying to deny that or hide from it is IMPOSSIBLE. Instead we need to become immune to it, we need to be able to see it but not be affected by it, the same way we see smoker and not have the urge to rip it from their mouth and suck it down to the butt in one drag. Going cold turkey is TOUGH. We are wired to seek novelty and our stash has that, but in a limited way. As strange as this sounds, I found only looking at porn from my stash was nowhere near as toxic as looking at new porn online. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all that helpful either, but it did stop me bingeing out more than once. It should ONLY be a LAST RESORT for the DESPERATE! AND ONLY A LAST RESORT!!!!! Now some argue that it was a relapse and YES it was, but if I didn't have a limited stash to look at I knew exactly what the other outcome would be... Hours and hours of me wacking off and building stash number 2! Which would lead me right back to square one! Just to be clear so there is NO confusion; Looking at your stash is worthy of a reset and if you feel you deserve it, chalk it up as a relapse. It should only be used after EVERY OTHER AVENUE HAS BEEN THOROUGHLY EXHAUSTED AND YOU ARE AT ROCK BOTTOM! Even then you need to use it SPARINGLY and SENSIBILITY. It's NOT an excuse to FAIL! It's NOT an Avenue to CHEAT! It's there so you don't go online and revert & relapse completely! Basically its the equivalent of sawing off your hand to prevent the zombie infection from spreading! (Borrowed that off the walking dead) Step 7 - Get ready & read Read READ up on what's to come!!!!! Last step in the pre-boot is this; GET READY! Know what's coming and what to expect and plan accordingly. Think of each phase as a sign you're fixing yourself. The Flatline might be shit, but at least you know your brain is undergoing changes, its a positive sign, Stick to your guns. Use each of the things I already explained and apply the during your reboot, you've already done the ground work so its now just sitting it out. But stay the fuck off porn, get outta the house, get a hobby or two, meet more women and imagine how fucking good its gonna feel when you're back in action! Good luck, mate! I know we can do it!
I disagree strongly with a lot of what you're advising to be honest. The only way to beat an addiction is to cut it off at the head. While you're condoning a reduction in porn use, you don't realise that the only way to cure an addiction so rampant is through absolute abstinence. A recovering alcoholic doesn't fractionally reduce his time in a pub, nor a heroin addict allow himself a hit once a week. It's simply about being strong enough to see what's killing you and make a "do or die" decision that you're done with it. Don't rationalise a half-assed approach.
Here is an excerpt from an article of a porn addiction recovery program's blog, a program designed by neurologists and psychologists, experts in the field of addiction recovery: 'This is Not an Excuse Understanding that you need to start slow and be consistent doesn’t mean using porn here and there until you get a bit stronger. It means knowing what you need to help you along the way. This is where accountability partners, web-filtration software, social media restrictions, and counseling (to name a few) could all come into play. Understanding that we can’t just will ourselves into a porn-free life means finding other ways to support yourself until you get stronger. Remember that recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. We are prone to wanting things in high-speed, but recovery doesn’t work that way. Just like healthy diet and regular exercise are the only real ways to lose weight, recovery from addiction takes sobriety and consistent life changes.' http://blog.fortifyprogram.org/blog/2015/11/24/the-difference-between-willpower-vs-skillpower Another great article: http://blog.fortifyprogram.org/blog/2015/12/10/top-4-porn-addiction-myths-qa
Not sure if you missed the main point I was getting at, but I'll say it anyways. The title was "Pre-boot" not Re-boot. I'm under no illusions as to what addiction is like, I was merely suggesting some measures I found and that MAY help some people get ready for a re-boot. Cold turkey is a beast, as is walking into a reboot with no clue as to what to expect. Taking a few days before a re-boot to set things up and make it easier on yourself is not such a bad idea. The post Trevor posted is right, its a Marathon not a Sprint. But you sure as hell don't prepare for a Marathon by running 26 miles without building up to it. You train for it! I was using the same context in my post. A few days beforehand to get things arranged, develop good habits, have a clear goal in mind, psyche yourself up and get going is far better than flapping like crazy a week into a Re-boot wondering what the fuck plan is!
I understand what you're saying - even as a prerequisite it's not something I'd advise but if it helps someone curb their addiction, then do whatever works.
That's exactly the plan, well for me anyways. Goal is set, knowledge of what to expect is factored in and taking steps to set a good foundation for a proper reboot. Everyone is different, especially peoples brains. What works for you might not work for me. What about it exactly is not sitting right with you?
