Hey everyone, A question for you all....Let's say back when you were dealing with your problems with porn you had a moment of weakness and just once you lusted after a girl who is a friend of yours in real life. You then finally decided to get that crap out of your life and are now going through your reboot. Now that you are getting close to (or have even past) day 90 of your reboot you can start to see yourself being in a relationship, getting married, the whole package, without bringing that baggage into the relationship. Now let's say that now that your view of women in general has changed to a more healthy point of view you start to view your friend in a different light and actually see her as a person and not an object. This leads you to actually like her. Because of your past mistake of lusting after her would you ever consider dating her or did that just mess things up too much? As a single man is it best to pursue a relationship with a girl who you meet post reboot who never knew you as the porn addict you were in the past?
I'm not quite sure what you're getting at here, but I think an actual emotional connection would trump a base lust or sexual desire. Personally, I lust after a few of my close friends, openly, but never do anything, because they're my friends and I love them. If you're still questioning women like you are, I think it's best to wait a little longer, until you can see them as people, and not as romantic options or sexual options.
I'm going through a very similar situation right now Bg. When I was in the midst of my porn addiction, I lusted after about six or so girls that I knew. When I started nofap I never went back to that lusting, even when I relapsed because I now see those women as human beings and I was dehumanizing them. Now I've been hanging out with the girl that I not only lusted after but also had a crush on. I'm trying to figure out if I should pursue a relationship. I believe that the answer is different for everyone. For me as a Christian, I'm feeling very convicted that I should tell her what I did and ask for her forgiveness. I don't know if I can bring myself to do that, it's really scary, plus part of my mind is justifying not telling her because maybe she would be better off not knowing at all. I don't even see how a relationship can work because of certain things that are happening in my life wouldn't permit me to spend much more time with her. Still that doesn't matter for me, I still feel the need to confess, even if a relationship is not going to happen. So to sum that up, in my opinion, I think it can work between you and this girl but if you don't tell her about what you did to her there will always be some emotional barriers between you two. With asking her forgiveness comes a risk, she may not take it well at all but I think it's better than the alternative, keeping it a secret from her. Even though she may not know what the emotional barrier is exactly, she'll still recognize it eventually.
