Ugh. Today has been pretty rough. I am reading all of these posts on this site and seeing so many relapses. And although none of them are positive experiences, I think to myself, "Hey, they've stumbled. I can stumble too. Just one or two fap sessions with some good porn... then I will reset tomorrow." This type of rationalizing is really getting to me today. I started this thing 10 days ago. I have also noticed that through about a week and a half of no porn and only one MO, I am not pawing all over the wife to get laid. I mean, I am still affectionate to a degree, but I am not offering foot rubs or caresses or whatever. I don't think she's even noticed. On that note, I feel resentful toward my wife. I have always resented her minimal sexuality with me. I've always thought, "Hey it's easy! Just give it up like once a week!" I'm lucky if I get it maybe every 2 weeks. It angers me and makes me rationalize porn usage. I know that the majority of the problem resides with me, and I should just sort of say the serenity prayer or whatever. But dammit! What about me??? I know I am being incredibly selfish right now, but I am just kind of venting. She can not be expected to just "give it up," at my whim. That would be unreasonable to say the least. But, I'm a really sexual guy. I am trying to curb my urges, but FUCK man! C'mon... Sorry for all of this ranting and raving. But I could use someone to talk to. I am at the point that I can't even get my full thoughts on paper because I am so frustrated!
Are you on normal mode? And how come your wife isn't craving sexuality with you? I know men naturally have higher sexual desire, but she should still have something.
She has always had a lower libido than me. There are multiple reasons which we have discussed. 1. She is on anti-depressants. She has had certain mental issues that were occurring long before me. 2. She has body image issues 3. 4 years ago, I was an alcoholic, and one night I was "sexting" with some floozy, and left everything up after I passed out. My wife found everything, including my porn web history. That was a big issue, which has since mostly been resolved. 4. Possibly due to my porn use, I have delayed ejaculation issues... this causes problems in the bedroom. I can always get it up, but I last forever... not exactly a blessing if your wife doesn't thing she can make you come. Those are the real big ones that I can think of off the top of my head. The infidelity issue has been primarily resolved, although there are probably some lingering issues from time to time in her head. Also, against most people's advice, I am not going to tell her that I have, in fact, been continuing to watch porn for the last 4 years. This information would crush her given the reasons above. She has anxiety issues. My need to discuss my porn habit would greatly impact her mental health. No... this isn't a cop out. My wife realizes that I fap, but I would guess that she assumes that it is from time to time, not every day on average.
Extensively. And unfortunately, it has led to arguments. Though lately, we have been able to talk about things more calmly. She acknowledges that there is a problem. But she refuses to go to a counselor/sex therapist with me. She is going to see a psychiatrist to possibly get on some meds, but that isn't for another month.
Yea don't let her know you watch porn. She might try to find the porn you watch, and start comparing her body to the porn actresses. That happens a lot.
Wow, you're the first person who actually agreed with me on that note. Regardless, I just PMO'd, unfortunately. But I did last about 10 days without it. And this time it only took me about 15 mins instead of an hour or 2. Progress I guess.
It could always get worse. The woman comparing herself to porn actresses... Its progress, remember no one does a 3 month streak right away. Heres my build up of accomplishments: 1. a 4 day streak 2. a 7 day streak 3. a 28 day streak 4. I am now on a 94 day streak
I don't agree with the not telling your wife bit. The best thing I could have done for my addiction was to come clean to her. She was upset, of course, but we worked through it and now she is one of my accountability partners, and we talk through every relapse and deal with it. I'm not saying just jump right out and blurt it out. I suggest getting rid of any and all porn first. Then, perhaps get a trusted friend to come with you when you talk to her. In the end, the honestly will be the best thing you can do for your marriage. I have also found that, after I quit watching porn every other day, my anger at my wife for not wanting to have sex as much as I do subsided as well. Our relationship has become deeper, and the sex, no matter how often, has become much more enjoyable.
