(real question) is seeing escort a relapse ?

No. Sex is fine, one of the goals is to get rid of desensitivation caused by porn so you can have normal sex

 

It's a relapse, if you think it is a relapse. I see that many times we emphasize on the behavior itself, but it's also the connection of a particular behavior to your particular addiction. To phrase it a bit differently, it doesn't matter only what you do, but why you do it.

For me, it has definitely been a relapse, for a long time now. Most importantly, because sex with an escort can resemble a lot the behaviors and stimuli associated with porn. But also, from the perspective of recovery management, and the risk of replacing and transitioning from a porn addiction to a sex addiction.

Of course, there are plenty of other reasons why you could consider it a bad idea (e.g. health or moral reasons), but that's a different issue.

It's true that you're dealing with a somehow different behavior. But the important question is, what kind of sensitization are you aiming for? Is the sex and (lack of) intimacy you typically have with an escort your end goal?

 

I'm glad that's the case. If it didn't bring any negative effects, then don't worry much in terms of your recover

At the end of the day, what really matters is to make progress towards your goals.

 

This is not a relapse since it's with a woman. But just be cautious of STD's they may have, yeah they do their business professionally but still it's a risk.

 

For me it sounds unscientific and not rational - sex with "normal" woman is ok, but with escort counts as relapse, but why? It assumes you can have sex only with someone you love or and feel intimate or something, but one can argue you don't need to love someone to have with such person, and that sex "not for money" has always this "intimacy" feeling going on. It also assumes you can't have "intimacy" with escort which i feel is reaching, cause there are higher paid escorts offering "GFE experience" so they will kiss you, hug you etc. But i am not addicted to sex and not very interested in escorts too (one i met were of "GFE" kind) so it may be different for other people.
From my understanding pornography has bad effect on mind because you can watch as many videos as you want in short amount of time, so click on one video after another, see one attractive woman after another then you edge abusing your dick for hours causing PIED then such orgasm abuses your dopamine. But when you are with escort you are for one hour or less with one and the same woman, so how it can be different than sex with your girlfriend or wife? I mean logically, physically how can it be any different?
Only way one can criticize it, is in more abstract realms of "love" or "intimacy", words which are not so easily defined

 

You make very good valid points Marcel.

the fact you stated you go from chick to chick on videos is a good wake up call on how fake it is on what you're doing to your body, which is putting stress on your mind not just your Penis.

I've come to realize that's why we feel so shitty for a relapse because It's not real, you may hear the sounds or visuals but the touch isn't there in reality and this is why we resort to fapping because that's at what most we can get out of it. Then of course looking at another video a day later our minds are triggered to release in the same way because the Woman isn't there.

 

Thanks for pushing back on this. I probably didn't express my rationale in much depth or well enough, in fairness.

I guess you're right, sex with any woman can be problematic in this sense. The reason I think relates to the psychological underpinnings of the addiction, rather than the sexual act itself. That's why I said that it's a relapse, if you think it's a relapse. Obviously, the reasons of the addiction and its association to the various behaviors are not common for everyone here.

It's true that I make many implicit assumptions you mention. From what I understand, building healthy boundaries and a healthy relationship to sex is an important step for many people recovering from this addiction. I've met several 'higher paid escorts' offering 'girlfriend experience' as you mention, but I'm pretty sure that most would agree that at the end of the day, none of this crap feels like real intimacy. At least, not if you have an IQ over 50.

You make a good point about the effects of porn vs the effects of sex. It's true that a lot of the problematic aspects of porn come from the modality itself. However, it's empirically evident that many people transition into a sex addiction. It's also evident that for many people addicted to porn, there are several elements which have been internalized and become part of the addiction. Fantasies, extreme visual stimulation, suspense, promiscuity, orgasm, and even power and control in some cases. I believe these are all elements that can be found in prostitution, which are not typically associated to a healthy sexual relationship with a partner, and can all act as triggers and reinforcement of the addictive pathways.

I agree with you, that these are not easy concepts to define. You can't objectively measure the presence or the effect on recovery of any of these. Nevertheless, it doesn't make it unscientific, as I think many people have experienced these problems from their own experience, as I have.

This is my personal view, and one answer to a complicated question. I'm happy that there are a lot of people that can transition into sex without significant concerns/setbacks.