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Relapsed after 31 days

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Mr.Z, Oct 1, 2014.

  1. Oct 1, 2014 #1
    Mr.Z

    Mr.Z Fapstronaut

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    So, I couldn't reach my goal of 90 days. After I moved into college dorm, I felt a very strong urge to PMO despite my commitment against it. What triggered it was the high-speed internet available in the dorm. I reached 31 days because I was busy with work and the fact that I didn't have access to free high-speed internet. In the dorm the urge was so strong that I couldn't sleep no matter what. Then I said fuck it and binged for 2 hours until the early morning. The chaser-effect got the best of me so I pmo'd twice today (to some extreme stuff). I guess I did it because I felt an overwhelming desire for instant gratification. As always, I felt awful afterward. I've learned that once you relapse, you'll most likely want to binge for a while (a couple of days in my case). This is a mistake in my opinion as it demonstrates that we are far from being "cured".
    Anyway, I told myself that I can't afford to make the same mistake I made last year. Heck, I remember buying my first notebook so I could pmo, which feels disgusting in retrospect.

    I also found out that a relapse is not that serious but if you give in to the chaser effect and binge you'll lose progress. Because after the relapse, I hadn't changed that much except for a bit of guilt. I interacted with people normally. Also, once I relapsed my p fantasies increased significantly. I think it has to do with the neuro chemicals in the brain finding their old paths again. I said to myself, you've relapsed, you might as well stick around for a while. What a desctructive thought. I think it demonstrates that I will probably need more than 90 days to reboot. A period of time spent in the best possible way: towards self improvement and adopting altruistic attitude.

    Forgive my ranting but I had to get it off my chest. Peace.
     
    Mr.Z, Oct 1, 2014
    Mr.Z, Oct 1, 2014
    #1
    Dares Greeneye likes this.
  2. Oct 1, 2014 #2
    serial suicide fro ambush

    serial suicide fro ambush Fapstronaut

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    Don't worry about what had happened bro. Just think and plan what will you do next time the urge comes to you,cause it's better thing to do. You have to stay strong mentally and think about beautiful time of your childhood when this wretch was unknown to you. We gave in at the same time I guess and we have similar goal so let's do it together..If we could just hang on and fight it a bit more victory would come around corner :rolleyes:
     
    serial suicide fro ambush, Oct 1, 2014
    serial suicide fro ambush, Oct 1, 2014
    #2
  3. Oct 1, 2014 #3
    beauty

    beauty Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed after 30 days only 4 days ago. And yes, the initial feelings afterward are horrible and you feel incredibly guilty, but you need to start somewhere and get back in the race. For myself, I was kind of pissed off, I was mad that I threw everything down the drain after 30 days for a little bit of self gratification (it seemed worth it at the time, but afterward it couldn't have been farther from it). I was mad because I belittled myself in the demeaning act of self gratification, because I couldn't control my inner sexual urges. Be the master of your own consciousness, don't let PMO call the shots. Break the chains that hold you to the darkest parts of PMO, and live freely.

    If you ever want to chat about this, PM me. I'm a college student as well.
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2014
    beauty, Oct 1, 2014
    beauty, Oct 1, 2014
    #3
  4. Oct 2, 2014 #4
    Mr.Z

    Mr.Z Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, we're in this together bro. We WILL succeed this time. Peace.
     
    Mr.Z, Oct 2, 2014
    Mr.Z, Oct 2, 2014
    #4

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