Tonight I relapsed after 37 days without P. What did quitting P & M give me? 1. Tons of confidence 2. A lot more energy throughout the day 3. Happiness most of the time instead of sadness 4. Better sex and more attraction with my GF 5. Productivity What did quitting P & M take away 1. Subtle but constant feeling of shame and guilt 2. Poor self-image 3. Laziness 4. Feeling of unworthiness What led me to relapse? 1. Feeling tired late at night 2. Knowing that I can quit again 3. Facebook women teasing on my phone(!!) What is my plan now? 1. Quit P & M altogether. I thought that quitting P is enough but after 27 days I M'ed and it triggered me back into P. 2. Take the 90-day challenge 3. Block Facebook (I rarely use it anyways) I'm very proud of my 37 days without P, it truly showed me a different way of living and introduced me to the best ME I can be! wish me luck on my continuous journey.
It really heartens me to see all the things that you've gained since quitting P & M. Sorry to hear that M triggered you to go back to P. I have mentioned this horrible cycle in another post you submitted. I haven't missed P much but I really miss M & O, well maybe not so much the M but the O definitely! I nearly had the opportunity to O with my lady friend at the weekend, but I'm sort of glad I didn't as it could lead to that chaser effect, just like M'ing may lead me back to P! Just seeing your gains has given me a lot of hope. I need to start feeling some of those benefits soon, I think I'm in a horrible flatline at the moment. The feeling of depression is weighing me down something chronic, so each day it's hard to really get going. I have been over 120 days PMO clean a year or so ago and experienced bouts of depression along the way, so I know I can quit again, just like you. You've got great evidence to spur you on in your quest against this affliction and you've identified your triggers. I'm sure if you stick to your plan, no matter how hard the going gets, you're on your way to more great benefits. Keep up the great work.
Thank you so much for the comments! You have helped me gain perspective on the situation and I cherish that. I hope you continue your journey, it sounds like you're a bright human being and I'm sure you'll find your path towards happiness and relief.
Many thanks for your kind words. What's lovely is that we can all learn from each other here. There are many pitfalls and scenarios we can become alerted to in advance of us facing them blind, so it's great to learn/discover new perspectives, as well as us sharing our own trials and tribulations. One of the worst feelings you can have is feeling you are all alone in your suffering or thinking you are the only person that has experienced some of these really warped feelings. Understanding the patterns of behaviour PMO has directed our minds and bodies to adopt is a major step toward full recovery. Keep using whatever victories, no matter how big or small, to take you towards taking back control of your life. Stay blessed bro.
