I had a good January. Went through it totally determined and managed to not do anything. February has been a disaster. Looking back at it now, there was a huge slippery slope. The worst being porn 'alternatives', literally they are everywhere, any attractive woman pictures are fine for me. This progressed into looking at other videos, or watching TV programmes because they had a hot chick in it. I rationalised to myself that this isn't porn, so it's OK. Before I knew it, I was back in the old routine of MO (for the last few days) Eventually this last couple of days I regressed into looking at the big P, my brain said I deserved it. That's been the first time in over a month (although I think the other alternatives I looked at were just as bad), and it was over within a minute. I'm not going to beat myself up too much, but I feel ashamed, almost ashamed that the thoughts of desire are making me like this instead of using the energy in a more productive way.