Relapsed and feel ashamed

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by spartacus2000, Feb 17, 2015.

  1. spartacus2000

    spartacus2000 New Fapstronaut

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    I had a good January. Went through it totally determined and managed to not do anything.

    February has been a disaster. Looking back at it now, there was a huge slippery slope. The worst being porn 'alternatives', literally they are everywhere, any attractive woman pictures are fine for me. This progressed into looking at other videos, or watching TV programmes because they had a hot chick in it. I rationalised to myself that this isn't porn, so it's OK. Before I knew it, I was back in the old routine of MO (for the last few days)

    Eventually this last couple of days I regressed into looking at the big P, my brain said I deserved it. That's been the first time in over a month (although I think the other alternatives I looked at were just as bad), and it was over within a minute.

    I'm not going to beat myself up too much, but I feel ashamed, almost ashamed that the thoughts of desire are making me like this instead of using the energy in a more productive way.
     
  2. Panda.RN

    Panda.RN Fapstronaut

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    I can empathize with you. Coming up with ways to justify the behavior. I used to have very long streaks of success but now I can barely go two weeks. It's because I justify my behavior. I will look at P and then MO later. Not looking at it and not thinking about it but doing it separately is just a way to cheat but I'm just cheating myself. I've allowed too many small things in that build up into something much bigger. I understand the shame but it's good that you're not going to beat yourself up too much. Sometimes that can really do more harm than good. Stay strong and don't ever give up. That's when we truly fail.
     
  3. heartpower

    heartpower Fapstronaut

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    I know what it's like to feel ashamed. The good news is that it doesn't last forever if you change your ways. It's important to be conscious of what you're doing and ask yourself why you want to do it, then ask yourself if it is really a good idea. With this stuff the juice is rarely, if ever, worth the squeeze. Don't be too hard on yourself, but don't be too lenient either. Hope that helps.
     
  4. groove311

    groove311 Fapstronaut

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    I don't think I had enough willpower when I was in my 20's.
    Now it's a different story because my libido decreased.
     

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