I need some help, some advice. My issue below has resulted in an uptick in my PMO and I’m sure it’s due to creeping depression and anxiety. I have been in a relationship for about 4 years now with what feels like my sole partner after separating a marriage that lasted 12 years. A week ago, while the two of us were having drinks with a buddy of mine and a common joke about penis size came up, my gf decided to chime in on my behalf that mine was perfect and not small at all but not too big. She commented that she had experienced one in the past, one time that was too big and did not feel good. My buddy commented “oh you had a BBC” and she said yah. Ugh I cringe writing it. Now, I know she had other bfs and was married once before. I can count 7 but I assume there are a few more, or in my mental state it could be so many more. I never dwelled on her past but now I am questioning the truth about what I know and playing small scenes I conjure up in my head. That short quick comment she made fucked me up. I feel like crying, like something I cherished is not the same now. I read it could be retroactive jealousy but feel there is more to it than that. I am stressed, not sleeping as well, feeling sad, PMO more (but not as happily), but trying to carry on like nothing is wrong. I was deeply depressed when I separated my wife and we have kids and now these feelings are a bit too similar and it scares me.
Yah she should have not said that and I told her that. She knew it messed me up for a couple days but I needed to bury it so it doesn’t become extra awkward and told her I realized it’s my ego and insecurity and I don’t have time for that shit. She doesn’t say stuff like that. I think she was a little tipsy and got defensive for me and angry at my friend. Nice idea poor execution. Now I’m left dazed and confused and falling down. It’s not so terrible, so I feel there is hope and time will make it dissipate, but it’s like the elephant in the room in my head. If I don’t stop obsessing and ruminating the times I do, I’m worried.
She disrespected you in front of your friend, that is bad news. Also what kind of friend do you have that is commenting on your woman's sexual past? If I was in your shoes I would drop both of them out of my life immediately.
I don’t think she meant to disrespect me but rather she felt she defending me by saying mine was perfect just the right size and not so big that it’s not good. In all honesty girls have always complimented my endowment. My friend can be an asshole and to your advice problay won’t hangout anymore. He picked up and that comment she made and posed the question back and put her on the spot , oh so you had one that was too big, and she said yes. Down the rabbit hole I went.
I’m grateful for this forum, a place to spend time vs PMO. I’ve been on and off for years and done my share of reboots, even did a year once. I think I need to delete my posts on this topic. It is a double edge sword, looking for advice, comforting words, but it keeps the thoughts ever alive and I need to love on. Am I ready yet to do the rest solo? hmmm
Don't feel bad to have an ego, we all have one, and it's not something you should even try to get rid of. So in sum, she did disrespect you, presumably as an accident. Now, you have two options: you either manipulate the situation into seeing something that makes you no less than a cuckold, or you recalculate everything as if you were on her position and she was in yours, which I assure will give you so much confidence. Imagine this situation playing out: A week ago, while the two of you were having drinks with a friend of her, a common joke about boob size came up, you decided to chime in on her behalf that her boobs were perfect and not small at all but not too big. You commented that you were given a couple tit-jobs with big ones in the past, one time that they were too big they really felt too fluffy. Her friend commented “oh you had some big latina titties” and you said yah. Do you realize she would also have doubts about whether she is enough for you, even though you meant that in no way? I tell you there is one thing that girls get pleasure from, and I promise you it's not dick size. I have a 20cm dick (7.87 in, the imperial measurement system makes me feel small), and girls have always gotten turned off by my low self-esteem, whereas a buddy of mine with a way smaller dick gets them ladies, sometimes taller than him, hooked to him because he exudes a ridiculous amount of self-confidence. Girls get off off self confidence. PERIOD.
Sucks man, I think you should talk to her about it. If I have to believe Jordan Peterson it's often beter to look at the dragon directly than being to scared to look.
Why were your wife and your friend even discussing this in the first place? That's some degenerate trailer-parky shit.
So I’m having trouble with this. That conversation over drinks seems wrong on a number of levels, and I get the feeling your brain is trying to tell you so. If you’re struggling with addiction, maybe you need to focus on that. Set a day counter and read in these forums about how others deal with resisting. It’s your life, but it might be possible you need a different relationship. (Formerly married is one thing. More boyfriends than you can count and the strange sh*t you’re describing is another. Not sure I would hang out with the supposed friend you admit is an asshole, either.) Don’t sell yourself short.
I've been where you are before. I had a girlfriend once who I used to get crazy jealous with - it completely ruined the relationship. Whenever those kinds of feelings come up now, I look back to the relationship that my jealously ruined and remind myself of the kind of guy I don't want to be. Some people in this thread are telling you the wrong thing - it sounds to me like she did nothing wrong. So she was a little drunk and tried to defend you - that's awesome on her part! Most women would be so concerned with trying to make a good impression on your friend that they wouldn't even think to defend you, but yours did. And yet instead of being proud of her for doing so you are choosing to dwell on the fact that she mentioned having a past sex-life. Look, you had a sex-life before her, and she had a sex-life before you. end of story. She is with YOU now and she clearly cares about you enough to have your back even at the risk of going against your friends! What she did before you doesn't matter and if you dwell on it you will push her away. She doesn't care about the size of your Dick - if she did, she'd have left you already. However, what she will care about is having an insecure jealous man. No woman finds that attractive and if you continue down that path then you will lose her. If I look back over the relationships I've been in, the absolute best ones have been those with a woman who just has your back and won't hear a bad word said against you. Sounds like you have that. Don't throw it away over something as unimportant as who she had sex with before you. Every woman you meet (with few exceptions) had a life before you. She'll have seen bigger dicks, and she'll have seen smaller ones. The only issue here is the one you create.
I agree with @onwards_upwards_1 . 1) She did nothing wrong, she just tried to stand up for you and also simply told the truth. It is your problem that you get anxious and insecure because of stupid shit like that. 2) It may sound harsh, but her past relationships are none of your business. It seems like you are overly obsessed with it, counting an exact number of people she has been with or questioning if she told you the truth is pointless, shows your lack of confidence and feeds your insecurities even more. 3) Your friend sounds like a retard, telling dick jokes and saying stuff like "oh, so you've been with bcc" is dumb and inappropriate, especially to a woman in a relationship. He either has no brains or no respect for you or both. If I were you, I would cut him out of your life and pay more attention to your social circle in general. It is true that you are an average of five people you spend the most time with. 4) The whole situation is kind of messed up because your gf, shouldn't have had to stand up for you in the first place. You should be able to do this for yourself and put people in their place whenever they overstep their boundaries. Nów, the insecurity itself is the biggest issue here. It has nothing to do with your retarded friend or your girlfriend. You need to work on yourself more and get rid of it. Don't you think it's extremely petty that you even care about shit like that? Quit porn, work on your confidence and find a life purpose that is more important to you than relationships.
@ISOhappiness consider those things the three of you were drunk she defended you and is content with your size it was disrespectful but at least you could hear it and it wasn't said behind your back (much more common) I would recommend to talk to your gf about it and maybe also to that friend. Have you already talked about past relationships and lovers? Since you know already THAT much you might as well hear the whole story. Try to understand your girlfriend instead of mulling over the dicks that were inside her before yours. Anyway, with time you heal And don't be stupid and watch porn!
I am interested to hear how this story unraveled and how you dealt with this. After you said "slut shaming", the next thing that came to my mind was "R-R-R-evenge porn" in Ewan McGregor's voice. Oh, Trainspotting 2 <3 Meme was for humorous purposes only, gladly we also had some good advice after that, especially your stance towards the OP's retarded friend.
