I think I have begun to understand one of the main causes of my problem. I work mostly at home on the computer. The job is stressful, but it is largely self imposed. There is always more work that COULD be done. I often feel burnt out, yet trying to force myself to do more, and feeling guilty. This has lead to PMO to try to make myself feel better. The problem is I don't give myself enough choices. My mind tells me I'm supposed to sit at the computer all day and try to work, even if I don't feel like it, and I'm not supposed to go do anything else. So I sit in front of the computer struggling to stay focused. Eventually I cave in and PMO. The problem is I've only given myself two choices, work or PMO. When I don't feel like working, I think I just have to allow myself to do something else, like go out and do some activity or hobby or improvement project and to just NOT feel guilty about it. The argument I must only try to work more, is clearly faulty because it led me to waste time on PMO and damage my health and I didn't get much work done anyway. And I was not even at risk of losing my job. If I had just released myself from the self-imposed prison of sitting in front of the computer all day, I could have done something much better and healthier. Also I have realized that stopping PMO is now important enough that it probably has to take priority over trying (and usually failing anyway) to get more work done!
Yes, I should do that more. And reevaluating why I constantly feel that wherever work I do is somehow not enough. This may largely be unnecessary self imposed stress.
