You're arguing semantics. The definition of failure: "omission of occurrence or performance ; specifically : a failing to perform a duty or expected action" That's exactly what relapse is. Nothing in failure's definition connotates permanence. I agree 100% that if we mess up we need to get back up. BUT. This constant repetition of - "Relapse is OK. Be happy and accept yourself. Just get back up, don't worry." - is making it easier to relapse! Relapse is NOT OK. We are all here never to relapse again. In the end that is the goal for almost everyone here. Do not be easy on yourself, stop sparing yourself and face up to the fact you messed up. Facing the reality of failure is much more difficult and transformative then just minimalizing it. Now, we gotta face our failings like a MAN, and say "I messed up. You don't define me, I'm better then this. I WILL succeed" We seem to forget that success IS possible! This CAN be the last time you relapse, if you truly believe 100% in your heart it will be. It's that little doubt that gets you.
I agree with this. ^ “Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”
You are awesome for making it this far. I've never made it as far as you. Remember the feeling of pride you had when you got so far. I hope you're also filling your life with other meaningfull activities so you've experienced a different kind of life? A counter in itself doesn't say much about mental health. Fight for your freedom. Get up again.
We will have to agree to disagree there. As addicts there is already a lots of shame, condemnation, self-hatred and low self esteem. More guilt, and legalistic self blame will not help. For me the fact that anyone is here at all trying to quit is a clear enough sign that they are serious about ending their addiction. If freedom from addiction was that easy, no of us would be addicted. We will just snap our fingers and bam! everything is back to normal. But that is not the case. Fighting addiction is a real battle and one needs all the encouragement and support they can get. So, using the word failure for me personally is out of question. It is not just about semantics. It is about a fundamental philosophy of life that is based on grace, unconditional love and acceptance no matter what. Encouraging someone who has had a stumble is not being soft. It is called being supportive. If being hard on oneself and legalistic rules were enough to break free from addiction, I would have been free long time ago. I see recovery as a journey rather than an event from which one either success or fails. If you are traveling from point A to Z and stumble at junction M, it's not failure, it is a stumble. You get up from M and continue the journey. But we may need to disagree on this and we may be coming from different frameworks. Peace
I've relapsed many many times my friend. And it was because I just said fuck it and didn't hold myself accountable at all. I was so focused on immediate gratification that I forgot that the only way to find a relationship with the kind of women I am attracted to is if I man the fuck up, become a goddam boss at life, and quit this petty fapping bullshit for good.
Only one thing to say : "Failure is often interpreted not as an action(I failed), but as an identity(I am a failure), which is unmistakingly wrong..."
Hiroki. I know that feel man... The reason I said I've relapsed more then anyone is I've been at this 8 years. From the first day I masturbated I was on NoFap. There was never a time I wasn't trying to quit. So really every time I PMO'd it was a relapse. Suyash and Tombuktu. I see what you mean. If failure is truly perceived that way it may be better not to use it.
Don't be sad, buddy. I relapsed also after my 70 lousy days of NoFap! But guess this, don't feel bad or depressed, just start all over until you overcome and be stronger and wiser than ever!
LOL! You're making progress if you're using your imagination instead of the internet. I bet most people here have lost their ability to fantasize normally.... It's not the gold, but a bronze laced in silver. Keep up the good work...or...the lack thereof. LOL!
No way Jose! You have been doing this for 8 years and you are now 19. I count my time doing this in decades, not years!
