Hi everyone firs time here. ill try to keep this short. I developed schizophrenia at around 17 but wasnt diagnosed until I was 20, that was about 3 years ago. I grew up watching porn since I was 12 and consumed it almost daily up until I was 18, at that point i decided I wanted to control myself a bit more. During the pandemic my symptoms worsened and i went from jerking 2-3 times a week to 3-5 times daily. One day i stumbled upon a video on a popular porn site. the video was an amateur video of a girl stripping. I became paranoid because I thought "what if this girl is underage? like 17" and for some reason that idea turned me on more. I began looking for more videos that had girls that looked like they could be anywhere from 17-20, and i would just assume they were underage because the feeling of breaking that rule i guess was just thrilling and i couldnt control myself. I did this for a while and I just feel super guilty. Ive stopped but I cant help but feel guilty. Am I over reacting? if you think theres a chance a girl is underage you should stop what your doing but I didn't. Even if the girl isn't, its the principle there thats making me feel like a piece of shit. This all occured after my antipsychotic treatment which was ended prematurerly a few months before all of this because I just "felt fine". Granted i was much better but I definetly still had some symptons, that hindered my ability to see reality as i should but i still had a feeling what I was doing was wrong and i continued to do it for a few weeks. anyone experience anything similair? edit here: i did go on some sketchy sites at one point to feed this fetish but nothing deepweed or anything like that. i did watch those omegle videos im sure some of you are familiar with and i probably did jerk off to some ubderage girls but realistically id have no way of knowing
