Severe case of Win-O-Phobia

Hello, I'm recovering from addiction to porn, games and mariuhana and today made me realize that I have a huge problem with guilt. This is getting so severe and so ridiculous that it's unbearable and I need to talk about it to someone who has been there and/or maybe knows advice.

I'm 31, and started to slip into addiction with a carreer that went nowhere and a broken heart many years ago. About 18 months ago I started on a self improvement trip and managed to improve some areas of my life, but it always comes down to this root problem, girls. More precisely my absolute, sickening, disgusting, horrible, suicide-inspiring, boring... FUCKING inability to take the win with a beautiful girl, or anywhere else for that matter.

It's always a hammering voice inside my head, that says 'don't offend anyone', 'it's ok just stay as you are'. Even though being stuck with the ugly one makes me sick. I rather stay alone than waste time with a women that I don't admire. What's the use of that? It's not even good for her either, yet I don't do anything about it, because of fear to offend, to stand out, to look good, to feel great. It just doesnt feel like me, never has, it's not who I am. I'm the loser, no women, just ugly ones, or old ones. I am in prison of my own mind and it can't get out. I feel horrible!!! I know I need to change this and I want to break the chains, but where do I start? I heard taking a shrink in this situation is advised and somehow I feel I really should be getting one.