Sex Chat Sites

That is true.

 

Guys, I keep coming to understanding that most important thing is substitution.

Its like either "life sucks, another day - same stuff" or "I'm freaking bired. I don't know what to do in life" and so on.

Eventually you think "Okay, I gotta quit this PMO, constant guilt and stuff". And then in a time of struggle you still say " uh, I suck anyway/ life sucks anyways , so I better sweet it up".

I am saying that we lost something that makes us like life BEFORE getting into PMO, not after.
When it comes to life, hobbies, achievements, dreams, some thing driving your life on..

Another part is running from problems.
"Feeling sad/stuck/up to your neck in problems at work? Turn on computer, do some porn. You can't, you are trying to quit? Still do something that feels good, play an addictive game, eat some more tasty food.. Do something pointless that will put you in a good mood and will distract you"

So once again, we are stuck with something different and bigger than PMO.
People who love life and are not frustrated with the fact its not ideal, they have no time for habits like that.

So that's a lot of psychology here in the first place. And a lot to fix, a lot of fears to face.

 

Hey room! I'm having a hard time staying away from chats.... I have such a huge urge to go to kik... does anyone know any PMO help groups on kik that I can go to? Maybe it will help prevent me from the other type of chats on there?

 

Yes, it may be true. In my case is that I never had a girl a procrastination, for sure.... On the other hand, If I find the way out of PMO, shouldn't I be more satisfed with my life? Because now I can see how the life is good without PMO and what suffer brings in porn, sex-chatting and so on... However, the man is greedy creature and wants more and more all the time.

I think, even if we could break the addiction circle, we should stay humble about this and never forget what "brings" porn into our life.

 

Remember, girl on the other side is not perfect. She has her shortcomings and online it looks like a great romance but in reality she's just a girl. First of all whatever she sends you is perfect. And your whole world is a fantasy where you make up her imperfections.
But in reality you both just idealize things

Think how much time you will spend to get to the point you want with her? Think how much of a self hate you will have if she turns you down. Think how much you're not gonna have sleep until you find the right girl. Do you really think you are such a bad guy that you are worth it? Or such an animal to depend on your reflexes? No.

Respect yourself. Don't go for it. You can do much better. Without self hatred.

For that reason control your mind. You are stronger than that. And eventually you will gain your credits in self respect and self love.

Your life is not so shallow to go for it. Its not worth it man. You know the truth yourself.

 

What ?

If you are addicted to any form of sexual arousal, it is bad. If you have no self control, and can't stop yourself because it feels to good to stop....you are an addict.

Doesn't matter if it's a technique from circa 1595.

 

For me it's been a really elaborate lie, basically. I would not necessarily go to a chat that is explicitly sexual, but once you get into someones head enough you can go there more easily anyway because they are willing. I think in a way it's worse because it's really psychological, I mean with porn you might not make the jump to think of people that way, with this kind of chat you kind of blur the lines. People start thinking about things they would not normally think.

 

that makes so much sense. That is a good dose or reality. Thank you. I know I'm better then that. Plus I try to remind myself that sometimes those girls I talk to are probably not girls at all and some nasty creepy guy. Which makes me sick.

I really appreciate your kind words. Thank you, you asked some great question to make me think. I am going to try to remember those next time the urge comes up.

Thanks again.

 

That's exactly right. I know because I've been that creepy guy in the past. Don't worry, it fills me with just as much anger and shame as it fills you with. Then think of all the time that's wasted in those stupid rooms -- time that could be spent interacting with real women. Sex chat rooms are evil.

 

Total truth. Sometimes you think "wow, you can get in just about any head and thus you have unlimited potential in terms of girls..". And when truing to quit, same comes to mind like " hey, yes, its a deviation of yours and it's not normal, but do you really wanna quit this brilliant ability of yours? Look at this girl outside? You can get in a head of such so easily!".

Btw that's where you also think - if you have the whole world and real people there why would you wanna live by real life and struggle with marriage stuff? There are so many more advantages in the imaginary world! (With real feelings and people).


So here comes the BIG QUESTION about the motivation to quit!

 

Truth. I suffer with porn addiction, but do you know what my urges are? "Going to chatting room..."

Sex-chat is much more dangerous than classic porn. And if you are telling yourself: "I'am just going on some "clean-chatroom", then forget it very quickly. Because from my experience, this is usually the biggest lie.

 

Hi
I too have the sex-chat thing as an issue and I just relapsed to it yesterday.
For me though, there are even BIGGER issues. I was using a certain chatroom as my "agony uncles". I've been divorced a little over 4 years and I've been using a certain chatroom to ask questions about guys and dating. I may not be your glorious "18-25" year old range but there are some young men in there with a thing for "MILFS." But that's not even the main issue.

Part of the bigger issue is that I have been using it to ask the guys in there - cos in my room it IS mostly guys trying to get laid - questions about dating, sex and guys.

Trying to navigate this whole new world of being single again plus I'm not in my home country, nor was my ex-husband from there.

It seemed like a smart idea at the time.
But I feel now like I've been dealing with fantasies, rather than going out more and meeting REAL man. I DO that that sometimes and I get so tired from my work that it HAS seemed easier to just do online dating and meet THOSE guys once a month (was never one of those lucky one date a week girls, lucky bitches!) and ask questions about my love life in chat to try and figure out how to date so perfectly that I would finally meet someone special again and have another relationship.

But maybe that room has actually been holding me back.

Firstly, they are a bunch of horny guys just trying to get off who are probably equally clueless about love as I am or they wouldn't be there, or even MORE so. So, really, what do THEY know anyway, why have I been seeing them as experts, JUST because they are guys and sometimes younger guys, which is the demographic I'M really attracted to.

Secondly, sometimes I would go in for normal chat or guy advice, or even cheering up and end up masturbating to certain types of sex chat. Not ANY sex chat, some of it is REALLY BORING. What do you look like? What do you do for work? Are you horny. Same old questions EVERY time. Yawn!

But yesterday also, it's what I relapsed to. Certain types of sex chat and then even NORMAL sex chat!

But it started out with me asking the guys for advice on things that happened with a particular guy.

That room is one of two things - a certain lover has been the other - that are crutches to me during this dealing with the whole divorce thing.

I found the room in April 2013, yes I actually remember that. And now, 3 years and 7 months later, I have to stop using it at least while i clear this masturbation addiction up.

But also, I've been using it to try and learn about how to deal with guys, that plus online dating and meeting and chatting there, rather than really trying to meet men in the OFFline world.

It's hard because - with the online dating - I see guys, like on Tinder, I'm actually attracted to and in real life not so much.

But I think both are exacerbating the problems I have with men for various reasons.

And now I have to find a way to block that site. I was literally CRYING over knowing I have to give this up.
I've really relied on it. It's been a constant in my life for a few years. Any guy drama, BOOM I could just go to that room.
But in that room...horn dogs. Online dating guys? Horn dogs. In the main, anyway.
And I DON'T want a guy who just wants to fuck me. I want a flesh-and-blood boyfriend.

Sigh! Porn bores me but that chatroom on the other hand is a MASSIVE trigger and as shaky as I feel about this, it HAS to GO.

 

..still it all gives me many thoughts.
Generally.

To quit PMO/chat thing you need motivation, life change, goal.
It sometimes hard to find.

Looking from the other side:

PMO is a filler of stuck or bored life. Nobody would go there If he/she was fulfilled in the first place.

But once the person gets into it - he/she gets stuck.
I believe its those of us who are scared to face things in life.

Fears, anything...

Here (this post I reply to) there is a relationship topic. Necessity of time to figure things out. Running from reality into fantasies.
Then getting stuck.

What I suggest based on what I said? Um.. Quit chats for a while to get head up and look around.
Refusing sex chats won't resolve post-breakup problems and pains right away. There will be emptiness and time for thinking about past experiences.

Relationships don't start when you actively look. Sign that you are not ready is if you compare every new guy with your ex. That means, you are not ready.
If you are exhausted and feel that you are still weak being on your own you are not ready.

Basically from my observation person is ready to date when she/he has energy to SHARE. When there's independency and all the energy plunge is cured.

So until its done.. While you can't be on your own and don't ave place for another somebody in your heart.. You will have to fill up time with anything anyways.

Find strength for self-development. Think of what you would miss out on when you will get married again and try to be doing it now. Skills, travelling, anything.
Don't focus on relationship for now. Try to love yourself alone.

Also chats are always others minds. So.. Find somebody to talk to if you need it. Any safe way for you, to talk out your feelings, problems..

And not PMOing gives you strength. Allowes you to love yourself and respect yourself again.

But the best way out for you is always the one that only you can find inside yourself.

Figure out what you want with your life: some outlet for a while or building your new life. And put it in action.

 

I've been wanting to try those sites...

 

I'll tell you right now:

Nothing good comes from sex chat. Nothing. You waste hours in a virtual vacuum that does zero to improve or develop your life in any meaningful way.
You overstimulate your brain to the point where you keep going back for more because you think its actually safer than porn but in fact, while it may be less demeaning to women (if they are indeed a woman and agreeing), it's still addictive- badly so.

I'm your typical early 30's guy that grew up in the Internet boom. I never had a problem finding a girlfriend or random hookup but I still found something appealing about dirty chat.
Chat rooms were the big thing in the late 90's early 00's. You could talk to people from all over the world and it was amazing but then chatting becomes just another part of the Internet, the novelty wears off and it becomes an extension of sexual experimentation. I think it all started one day for me when some girl asked "do you want to cyber?" ...I didn't even know what that meant. I was 14 or 15.

In my late teens, I got into it a fair bit. Voice chat made it all the more real and I would spend countless hours up late talking to random girls. I then left home and during a long period of time didn't use chat rooms for sex at all. I got wrapped up in life and socialising. Sure, I met some girls in person that I met online and almost none of them looked how they'd described or even the photos they'd sent. I was cat-fished numerous times..

Then, just before I was to be married, I discovered random chat and it was like no strings attached sex chat.. You'd get done and both be on your way. I felt really guilty at this point in time but now I was aware of this kind of chat, I was tempted to go back when things became difficult in my marriage at certain points. Now, any healthy marriage has those low points and how you tackle them together defines your relationship in my opinion.. turning to sex chat to make you feel better is a terrible, self destructive idea.
Sometimes, nothing was even wrong but I was bored and would find a reason to go on there... I could spend hours at a time on these sites.. It's such a time sink hole

I finally laid it all out bare to my Wife (i've mentioned elsewhere here) and she took it remarkably well.. It's given me the opportunity to show actual strength in sharing my thoughts rather than thinking it was a masculine thing to suffer in silence.

Please take a good hard look at your life. Look back at the hours you've sunk into chasing that next MO high. It's such a damn waste of time... nothing good comes from it, the experience disappears into the ether and you're all the emptier for it. Imagine if you spent that time investing in yourself? Learning new skills or building knowledge? How about being the very best humans we can be instead of being a slave to our sexual desires?

I'd recommend using K9 web filter to reduce the temptation and giving the admin password and control of the account to someone you trust. It's a powerful tool for blocking to make sure you don't block sites you actually need.

Stay on this site.. do anything you can to get the support you need and take control of your life.

 

I have wasted too much time on chatting, some sexting, it only resulted in a date with a single mother that only wanted to use me, she just pretended to care about me.

Another girl changed her mind after posting pictures about the bed she had bough, she was really hot but i decided i had to cut her out from my life completely(i guess i was friendzoned).

The girl you are chatting with can have a boyfriend, be underage, have STD or simply just wanting to use you as a tool(i experienced all that).

I had to forget about females for a while and focus on succeeding in life, not short term pleasure. I want to be a father, i want to have my owm company, etc.

 

Hey, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I suppose you quit that dangerous thing?
How did it influence your relationship?
Despite the fact you told your wife...

How other things changed just speaking of the fact that you quit?
Did your relatio ship get better? Did you get more feelings for your wife, more compassion?

Or else what were problems in your relationship at the time you were into sex chats?

 

I have quit it. In saying that, I've quit a number of times with the best intentions (months at a time) but I would always end up back there for one reason or another. If you use K9.. you need to use it properly- don't have the admin password and the email address that owns the account needs to be one that you can't access, ever.

The biggest thing is having accountability. It's a shameful thing to admit but just because you don't admit it doesn't mean it doesn't exist or is any less real. I believe it takes a serious amount of guts to confess it.

For me, triggers would be sexual frustration- not getting enough action. I didn't want to ask (didn't think admitting I needed it was a manly thing to say) and her sex drive was low or needs different. We also have different love languages where by I crave affection but she shows her love differently so that played a part in it.
It could be a heated discussion, something she said that hurt me, boredom or just being tired after staying up to late (similar to being drunk) and having my judgement impaired. Any number of those things could lead me back to it.

Admitting it was a scary thing but I remember the vow I took at the alter and that gave me courage to tell her because she is my partner for life. If I can't share it all with her, who can I share it with?

She took the news really well.. asked me what she needed to do to help me through this.. suggested therapy etc. I was in amazed at her level headed response.. even if she was hurting.. She said it was lame and asked me to try harder for the sake of our marriage. That was all I needed to hear.

Any way.. yes- it changed my perception of her.. It made me love her even more. That one secret in my life was a big invisible barrier that devalued our relationship and diminished intimacy. Having it gone is like stepping out of a fog.

It's important to note that I was using K9 before but always had access to admin mode which deactivates the control. I was able to avoid chat a lot but once I caved in, it would happen again and again until I shook myself out of it and re-affirmed my commitment to stop. This was a cycle in itself that I had to put an end to so locking myself out of those sites was just the beginning.. giving my wife the admin rights and letting her set the password was me giving all of it to her.

This time, I have really quit and I won't be going back there. I despise it...It wastes time... hours I won't get back...my life, my time.. I was losing it all. I think that's something we've become desensitised to in this era of over stimulation. We can scroll through FB feeds for extended periods of time, end up on websites for no apparent reason other than just to waste time but for what purpose? What are we achieving? These are the things I'm pushing back against. I'm a work in progress, for sure but chat was the single biggest destructive sink hole of time in my life and I'm relieved it's gone.

 

Yea buddy... When you really boil it down to its basics.. It's just not worth it, it's a total waste of time. Nothing is achieved, it's a short term fix for a deeper problem and like a junky, we end up back there again. Lets face it, you don't know who you're chatting to and even if you do on the odd occasion- it's not going to amount to anything.
Focus on succeeding in life.. make a list of goals you want to achieve and work towards them instead of sinking hours (think of your time as money) down the drain.

 

For me the chat room was different from online dating.
Some of the online dating guys I DO want it to "amount to something" but the guys on the chatroom?
We didn't have photos, cam etc. but sometimes I exchanged face pix and i would almost always think nope don't fancy you.
But it's more that the time spent on it could perhaps have been spent getting out there and talking to ACTUAL flesh and blood men I DID find attractive, maybe. Or just working on my own goals!
Instead of the huge time suck of sex chat and masturbation.
This is what lead me here the second time, I am on reddit and I wrote a list of goals for the day on a subreddit, and did I do them ANY of them? NO one day I spent hours getting myself off in chat. At the time it felt awesome, but afterwards I felt so ANGRY with myself when I looked at my list of goals, things I really wanted to do with my day left untouched.

Like I've said elsewhere on another post and maybe here too, I also used that chatroom to ask questions about guys, sex and dating. But, really, most of that chatroom is a bunch of horny guys DESPERATE yes DESPERATE to get laid and all due respect to them and I DID have some good conversations and laughs but i guess it's weird I thought they might be experts on men, just because they ARE men.

Sometimes as I think I also have said, the chat was boring too, like if I DID do sex chat usually it started with things like, what do you look like, what's your name? (seriously WHY ask my name for that??) what job do you do? asked those things over and over again UGH!