Sex with wife has set off porn urges.

Do you know about the chaser effect and how that might affect you? Most likely sex will be a huge trigger for you, giving you strong urges. And if you feel like that's unmanageable, perhaps try hardmode for some time until you got better coping strategies for your urges.

 

If you quit sex, you are still going to have porn urges like every person quitting and addiction. I prefer having this urges after having sex than having then without sex.

 

It’s recommended in the beginning to go 90 days without any sexual stimuli. Any csat will tell you this. This helps you get clean while also teaching you delayed gratification which most addicts don’t have and self control, again most addicts are poor at this. No sex actually makes it easier for my husband. We first tried easy mode for 4 months but it was so hard with the chaser that we switched to hard mode and that helped him a lot. A year and 9 months out now, and we have regular sex (2-3 times a week). He found that if we had sex every day then he’d get hit with a chaser. You will still have urges, just not as strong or as many. That’s why knowing your inner, outer, and middle behaviors help as well as your triggers.

 

Know that after you have sex, you need to be careful in the following days.

 

I'll give you a different perspective. I don't EVER feel the urge to look at pornography or masturbate after intimacy.

Sex (I prefer the word intimacy) and masturbation or pornography use are as different as chocolate and a hammer.

Intimacy is about emotional connection, selflessness, an expression of love, giving to another person, respect, etc.

Masturbation and pornography use inhibits emotional connection, is selfish, is all about you, is self-gratifying, a lack of respect, etc.

Right now in your mind intimacy and masturbation have the same outcome, orgasm. We often believe that is the end game. If this is true for you then this advice will not help you. If intimacy with your partner is about connection, then read on.

You need to differentiate the two in your mind. You can begin to view masturbation in it's rightful place, a self serving action to get an orgasm when you want to. Intimacy is about connection with a partner that you love and respect.

If you can come to believe and internalize those those distinctions than you will not have urges for pornography after intimacy because there is NO connection, there is no trigger.

You might argue that there is still an orgasm. That is true. But the orgasm in intimacy is a the culmination of a selfless expression of love while the orgasm in masturbation an emotionless act meant to please the physical body only.

It will take time, and effort to do this. You can begin by reframing how you think.

 

Porn anway will make your performance drop down. Leave porn or else prepare for worse. Since your doing nofap and you're on day 3, your brain is tricking you. Your brain wants you to porn porn. If you want to listen to your brain then go ahead and porn and prepare for the worst. If you listen to your will power, trust me, your sex will be mindblowing.