Sharing where I am currently having success in a reboot.......

I'm a 15 yo male and I discovered masturbation about a year ago (though I had seen porn at the ripe age of 10 ) it has deploy affected me in my growth as a person maturity and education. When I first "figured it out" I thought it was incredible. "All those dreams about getting really good feeling can be satisfied in 10min. " little did I know, it would end up nearly destroying me.

For about the first 2-3 months I thought pmo was great. Then I was in church one day and (though I knew this before) I really saw how bad pmo was for me and literally everyone who has seen it. This was when I decided to stop. I tried on my own for about a month and saw no success there. Then while searching on YouTube I discovered noFap. I signed up on the website and quickly found accountability parteners who had the same struggles as me, I had many great conversations about emotion, religion, physical body, girls (my current crush) and all sorts of other things I don't really talk to anyone about. It was amazing.

But as time went on I noticed my problem wasn't really getting better. It's around June or July now (I started in October or November, I know shameful......) and there's this girl I really REALLY liked. I wanted nothing more than to be with her. So every time I got the urge to fap, I would think of her and how I didn't deserve her because of it. I was able to stop for about 2-3 weeks and, funny thing, I think around that time she started to have feeling for me too. Then one day when I was feeling bold and courageous, I decided to ask her...... it was this day I was walking down a hill to her, and legit when I was about to ask her for her number, I see her with another guy (a guy who was new to the swimteam and I was a quaint ed with)..........

I was absolutely crushed and cried myself to sleep for a few nights. I eventually recovered from it but relapsed several times during this period. This caused me to become less motivated, look wimpier, and over all feel like a pos. Summer ended a school started (I'm homeschooled) along with winter swim. The girl "aparently" broke up with the other guy and was currently single. This was my chance! There was only one problem I had another friend who she was very good friends with. (It was hard to tell sometimes if they were just friends or more than that) I went through highs and lows of "she likes me!" "She likes me not....." and had an over all (what I would call normal) pmo count. But again when I was feeling high and going to ask her I find out she is moving to Japan this summer...

This was not as bad as the first time since I had gone through it before but I still relapsed a TON and felt bad. But again I recover and go back to a normal pmo count and still kind of "like a little more than just a friend" but not love, the girl. End of year time comes around and my problem from a year ago still isn't solved. I tried everything at this point. Deleting instagram off my phone, deleting youtube, listening to inspirational videos, even taking the tissues out of my bed so I couldn't "clean up" it was bad.

At this point I've accepted this as an addiction and decided I would tell my best friend. This is the best choice I have made in a very long time. He was completely understanding and said he went through it too. I told him that I just want to beat pmo and that each time I relapse I would give him $20 (I work hard for my money!) Each time I relapse. He said he would do that and that if I ever felt like I was going to relapse to "hit him up"......

I have done exceptionally well since then and haven't relapsed in almost 2 weeks. (Longest "break" since last summer) I'm feeling confidant in this and truly hope this is what it takes to beat pmo. I've had the urge quite frequently in these last 2 weeks, and each time I think "is it worth $20 though?" And this has kept me strong.

Thank you for reading all this. If anyone can relate or needs help "hit me up" I'll talk with you about it. Also I'm open to advice (if anyone has any) so please let me know. Again thank you and I hope you find strength enough to do what you've been trying to do...