should I let her go?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by PJT, Jul 19, 2019.

  1. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    Last night this girl I am dating, her roommate (a guy) and myself went to some hookah lounge. Both her and her roommate were drunk before I stopped by their house. I got there and drove to the lounge. My girl was drunk. She quickly made friends with someone at the table next to ours and started dancing with him. i shrugged it off. This guy though was clearly turned on by my girl's dancing/touch or whatever and started getting real close. i don't think they kissed and honestly I wasn't letting it faze me but I seen him try and reach up her skirt and slap her ass or whatever. And she didn't stop it or anything.

    The way I figure, if I showed I was mad she would have continued doing it, and honestly, i knew who she was going home with (me), so what's there really to stress about? I just couldn't help but thinking how pathetic this guy was though, because it's not like my girl was solely dancing with him, she was dancing with me too, making out with me at times, and also encouraging her roommate to dance too. Like if you are this guy, why would you want to involve yourself in all that? I can't understand guys who want to basically be a side dude. To me that shows you have a female spirit, and I don't know if that comes off offensive to women or not, it's just how I view this guy.

    So when we got back to her place, her and her roommate started like wrestling each other. They have a special kind of relationship. I don't think they had sex yet, but I was looking at it all and I'm like, why is this guy on top of this girl? I like her roommate, like I mean I think he's a good person, but it happened again with another guy and my question is the same; why are you trying to involve yourself like that with the girl that someone else is dating..especially when the guy is right there looking at you? So now basically i encountered two guys in one night with a female spirit.

    Eventually her roommate went back to his bedroom and slept and me and this girl had unprotected sex. And then again this morning. I trust her enough to not be having sex with other men at the same time that she's dating me. Even though none of what I stated that happened last night should embolden that trust.

    I've only been dating her for two months now; im 35 yrs old and hardly ever in my life went on dates, let alone with the same person and never for 2 months. At the same time, i'm not really trying to put her on blast and ask her about the roommate. She also has a third roommate who is a girl and this girl says that they love each other lol. Mind you I just met these three's company two months ago. We all are in our mid 30s. I'm trying to be level headed about it and am wondering if I should just dead all this and end it with her or continue to trust her.

    I don't know how many more times i can go to a lounge and watch her flirt with guys and see guys try and touch up on her. I don't know how much more of this roommate situation I can see without basically conceding to the guy or just calling them both out.

    But I like getting laid lol. And honestly, she's really sweet when we talk and on the phone and even in person when we aren't at some lounge. Just all the excess baggage. It got me feeling a little self conscious.
     
  2. ItsInTheBag

    ItsInTheBag Fapstronaut

    Getting laid is not worth paying the price IMO. What you just described would've been a deal-breaker for me. And, instead of having sex with her, I would've had a nice, long chat with her about it at least (to let her know why I was cutting off ties - a courtesy, really).

    Not sure why you'd trust her right now.

    Sorry, I'm more radical :).
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2019
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  3. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your perspective. I knew that having a chat with her when she was drunk like that was fruitless. Which was one of the reasons I stayed away from that.

    Maybe it's just my experience with women; it seems like they are always so capricious and whimsical. Every time I've tried to have any sort of talk with girls about something that bothers me about them it gets blown up out of proportion. I try and avoid at all costs now. I don't want to get played either so I know I should be saying something or do something in this situation.

    She mentioned to me in the past how the last person she dated started getting self conscious and started asking her questions about her sex life and who was the best she had and yada yada, and then when she told him it was some other guy that spelled the end of their dating/relationship b he started calling her a b*tch and whatnot. From that day and that story, I just looked at it like I shouldn't be trying to compare me to anyone in her past and that she may test me in this way. Part of me thinks it's just a test. And I feel like I passed since at the end of the night she slept with me and I just shrugged all of what she did off.

    Another part of me realizes that her thrill ride programming with me might be coming to an end, and that self destruct programming is getting activated. And if she's in self destruct mode, then I got to play my part and walk away.

    The roommate has 2 kids of his own and a girlfriend who he is on pause with because he ate out another girl and his girfriend found out about it. And he wants his girlfriend back, or so he states. That girlfriend also accused him and my girl of hooking up but both of them denied that.

    Idk guys and girls can't just be friends. it just seems that eventually, if it hadn't happened already they will hook up unless she starts to love someone else (me)..but then if she does that she needs to switch up her relationship dynamic with her roommate. I'm not going to get territorial about this bc i don't want to get worked up.
     
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  4. The Lone Ranger

    The Lone Ranger Fapstronaut

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    If I was in your situation - bye bye
     
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  5. ItsInTheBag

    ItsInTheBag Fapstronaut

    Well, briefly:
    - you described most women today - drama queens. If you are thinking about settling down with her, ask yourself whether you need a drama queen that you cannot be straightforward with. I expect being able to talk to a woman almost as directly as I can with a male. Maybe, this is a possibility, she's not ready to settle down yet - she will, as soon as her looks start to fade. Will you be able to live with someone you cannot fully trust? You're taking a great risk.
    - guys and girls can be friends. I am in this situation. All you need is lack of enough physical attraction. It can work, if you have strong principles, even if there is physical attraction.

    No one puts hands on my woman. That wouldn't fly with me.
     
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  6. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    she never acted this way before around me. She missed out on a promotion and was reeling about that all week . Not making an excuse but putting some perspective or context to the night. But it does kind of seem like self destruct programming.

    I don't feel the need to get tested yet but you might be right.
     
  7. wearefamily87

    wearefamily87 Fapstronaut

    shit.. that's terrible... i would not wanted to be in such situation, wish you best... "you are who you attract"
    see, my, now ex girl wanted to have lots of sex, she said she masturbated like 6x in morning.. who does that, i would feel like crying cause know its a sign of depression and she worked all the time...
    but these people cannot relate to what you say.. she would be like but sex is okay, it's fun, everyone does it..
    i wanted to care for her, but being out of it now, out of all the attachments, it's better to be responsible for who you are... and i was not pure in my thoughts for sure... to be pure and attract relationship that will be beneficial and loving for both of us... relationship where both are willing to learn and move, be encouraging, supporting, loving and to become better people.
     
  8. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    She's not really my girl. No status has ever been established between the both of us. For the sake of the thread and not to get caught up in some long drawn out semantics I did refer to her as my girl this is true. Fact is I known her for two months we hung out at her place and at bars around town and I took her to the movies. Is this considered dating in 2019? Im asking cause I don't even know. I've gotten into a routine of talking and texting her daily and don't think she's lying to me about her where abouts and what she's up to. I don't fully trust her but I do think that she still may be worth establishing some boundaries down the line.

    Maybe I should expand my net and see more than one woman. Now if I were to actually find another girl and vibe with , maybe call off whatever it is I have going on with this girl now before I try and get intimate with the new one? Idk.

    I also think if she was sleeping around and brought someone else to her place one of her roommates would tell me.

    And I agree so many women are drama queens . It's hard to find one whose not.
     
  9. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    I don't have sex with her all the time. I think it happened on like 3 separate occasions.

    I'm trying to understand if she counts how many times she sleeps with a guy before she makes her own decision on whether she wants the person to stick arounnd. People do that right?
     
  10. ItsInTheBag

    ItsInTheBag Fapstronaut

    Don't know what counts as "dating" today, either. I've never had casual sex, for me the two words don't mix well together, I'm old school :).

    After my divorce I refused women hitting on me. These are my principles and I'll stick to them till the bitter end if needed.
     
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  11. MikeSilva

    MikeSilva Fapstronaut

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    Break up dude.... if I were you the second she stood up and danced around in a sexual manner with some guy while I am sitting there and watching it I would drive away and never speak to the bitch again.

    I became mad by just reading your post... like what the hell? There is more fish in the sea dude, break up with this muppet and find yourself a real woman who respects you !
     
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  12. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    We are at different stages in life but probably closer to the same age @ItsInTheBag

    I've always had self esteem issues and just pmo issues. The first time I ever had sex with an orgasm was after I was 30 probably like32 and it was with a "worker" in Columbia . Then last September I pulled a random girl outside of a club whom I tried to date but ultimately only hung out with once more. Then I had the hots for my coworker and it was mutual but she dissed me and went in another direction. I learned a lot from that whole pursuit. I spent so much energy for two years and I thought I was impressing her but it turns out I impressed myself. Forget her. And then I met the current girl I am seeing or whatever you want to call it.

    I say all this bc I would prefer to engage probably in the way you do but feel like I'm behind as far as communicating with people and building relationships with people. So now I'm just being open minded and trying not to give completely up on people until I know for sure that I should.

    Also lack of local friends is a problem.
     
  13. ItsInTheBag

    ItsInTheBag Fapstronaut

    I see. I still think you can find a better one though :). Sometimes it takes time, been single for two years and at times it's not that convenient, to be honest!

    Also, congrats, mad streak you've got going in there! Maybe this new you, with all the experience behind, and no doubt more social, could easier land a higher-quality partner!
     
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  14. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    Well I drove her car lol. So i couldn't drive away without her. At the same token i wasn't nervous that she was going to tell me to take a cab home and take that other guy home or something. Please don't get mad man..i wasn't mad. Honestly I figure stuff like this happens all the time. Before i even posted on here i simply typed into google 'my girl danced with another guy the club' and so many threads pop up and with different opinions on what to do/how to feel etc.
     
  15. MikeSilva

    MikeSilva Fapstronaut

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    Just respect yourself brother, thats all I am saying... I have a girlfriend at this moment and when she dances with another guy in the matter you describes then it is bye bye
     
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  16. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    but honestly, i was more disenchanted with the dude than her. Like what kind of self respecting man would dance with a girl who comes into a lounge with two guys? One in which she already made out with with you sitting right next to.

    I just come from a place where I expect girls to seek attention and thrills etc. But that guy in the club lol...what was he thinking? I feel like he was on some ego trip, but if anyone to me displayed feminine energy it's him..seeking attention from two guys and a girl and for what? I'm pretty composed these days, i know none of that is worth fighting over. The main thing I got out of the experience at the lounge was that I don't like those places anymore...to many men with feminine energy. That ish is lame as hell trying to hit up someone else's date/girl or what have you and that's what you constantly get in these types of places.
     
  17. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the kind words. Yeah I think i'm going to open up new lines for dating or whatever. I shouldn't zone in on her. pmo took away my youth i believe that. I hope all of you guys can get to a point where it doesn't consume or negatively affect you. I'm working every day and don't feel like i'm anywhere close to being cured.
     
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  18. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    my dude, you have been trolling this thread. What i care what a dude with a spirit of a female thinks?

    If you think it was cowardly for me to not confront this guy in the lounge or her right then and there then I laugh. It's funny.
     
  19. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    well i mean i'm talking about it, i'm not completely okay with what happened. It takes two to tango. I hold us men to a higher standard always. Which is why that guy in the lounge was way out of line imo.

    For the girl, I don't know exactly what to say to her about it yet. If I come across as jealous that's a turn off and my point won't resonate with her. She'll just think i'm jealous. At the end of it all, we are not like boyfriend and girlfriend, we are not like a couple. Not to my knowledge atleast. So I can't tell her what to do bc then it's like i'm controlling her and then she self destructs and breaks it off and put fire to everything around her lol.

    walking away seems easy enough, but she has redeeming qualities. I'm more pressed about the situation with the roommate tbh.

    And to be clear, when I said "dude with a spirit of a female thinks" i meant the guy in the club/lounge and not you..if there was any confusion there I wanted to clear it up.
     
  20. wearefamily87

    wearefamily87 Fapstronaut

    all u need to understand is her slutty behavior.. it ends there
     
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