So I've made to 30 days no pmo for only the 2nd time.

So today I've made it to 30 days no pmo. I'll try to keep my update as sort as possible.

I haven't once come to that point where id feel like I'm relapsing in this 30 days. I kind of made a vow that I'm not going to pmo ever again and I'm sticking to my word. I know no one is going to help me overcome my addiction but myself.

Before I started my 30 days I was heavy into pmo. Would spend +-3 hours edging every night for 3 months. I'd also consumed a ton of marijuana while pmo'ing. I thought it wouldn't affect me much if I keep my semen in while edging so I would do the three finger squeeze between anus and scrotum to not lose much semen. Did this at the end of each session. Yes I didn't lose all my energy but somehow I knew doing this was still bad.

I stopped alcohol on the first of January. I don't ever want to drink again. Drinking made me someone else in a sense that I did things I wouldn't when sober. So far I haven't had the urge to drink again.

Marijuana was the hardest for me to give up as I've smoked daily for 16 years. Marijuana really messed me up. I didn't realize it until recently. So I'm currently two days without marijuana. I don't ever want to smoke again. I have stopped weed before for three months but just went back to smoking daily after that.

I'm still smoking cigarettes. This has been really hard to give up as I feel like it's just not possible at times. I really need to focus my mind more to overcome this bad habit. I'm not sure when I'll stop smoking cigarettes but I hope sooner rather than later.

In this 30 days it hasn't been too difficult to not watch porn or masturbate. Previous streaks I would find it really difficult but I think my prayers has litterally been answered to help me overcome my pmo addiction. I've thought about pmo but I also think about the negative effects it will have on me. I thought that being on lockdown would cause me to relapse but somehow it hasn't been a hindrance in my progression to be pmo free for the rest of my life.

I have felt a slight improvement in my energy levels, depression and anxiety in the 30 days. I haven't exercised at all in this 30 days so I'm not seeing the full benefits of no pmo. I know that with the right diet and physical exercise I can be better mentally and physically. I just haven't had the motivation to start exercising.

So the hardest part of this 30 days is that I'm watching my mother( she means the world to me) slowly fade away from away. She is really sick ( not from covid19). She's lost a ton of weight and she's been bed ridden for the past couple of months. I'm really trying to mentally prepare myself for when she does leave this Earth. And as much as it hurts to admit it I know it's going to be very soon. It's eating me up watching her detiorating each day. I do everything I can to make sure that I can care for her as she can't do anything. I don't know what I'm going to do when she's not around anymore as i don't have anyone I'm close to except her. I know she has to go one and it's a part of life. Just seeing her suffer is what really hurts me.

My mothers condition has motivated me even more to be a better person. I want her to be proud of the human I've become. So I try to live my life right. I know I'm not perfect and there's still much work to do. So I'm taking it one day at a time. Building a strong a character. One she would be proud of.

Positive mindset is what is going to get me over addiction. I can't think about the negatives in my life but rather focus on what I'm privileged to have. Food, water, a roof over my head, clothes on my body, family and an opportunity at living each day. This positive mindset would not be possible if I was still doing pmo. So I hope that this 30 days will only be the beginning of what lies ahead. I know it's an uncertain world with what's happening with the coronavirus. And life will never be the same as we knew it. But I want to go into that uncertainty without pmo.

Good luck to all who is overcoming any addiction in their life. I really wish you strength in your battles. I just want you guys to know that there hasn't been a time more important than today to leave your addiction behind and work on improvement. Easier said than done. But if we don't do it who is going to do it for us. I pray whoever is reading this the best of luck.

 

Thank you so much for your concern. I appreciate it. I wish you all the best on your journey to overcoming whatever obstacles you might be facing. Stay strong brother.

 

Thank so much brother. Really appreciate the get well wishes for my mom.

I can't describe enough how much more mental power no pmo has brought me. I would have probably broken down mentally by now, blaming myself for not doing more for my mom in the years leading up to her condition she is in now. But I'm learning to accept the things that's out of my control and trying to make a difference, no matter how small, in the lives of those around me. I have no idea what the future holds in store for me but if I focus on the things ahead I'll lose appreciation for the things I do have and what I'm able to experience in the moment.

I truely believe that overcoming any addiction can only be achieved when you realize how powerful your thoughts can be. People and circumstances can influence what you think. But you get to decide if your thinking will be positive or negative. The wind may be strong, the seas may be rough, but you are steering that ship to the destination of your choice.

Good luck fellow journeyman Huga. I wish you all the best. May you reach your destination of your choice.