So you want a GF/BF...

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by scote73, Jun 16, 2016.

  1. Why would it be coincidence? People read health. People pick up on mental wellness. People detect confidence. We breathe in every aspect of others, whether we realize it or not.

    All the "OMG, nofap has gotten me girls!" posts are not fabrications. The only problem with most of those posts is they fail to understand the why of how it works. It works because you exude health, wellness, wholesomeness, hunger for connection, confidence, peace within yourself. Women sense that, pick up on it, breathe it in. Respond to it.

    It's not nofap that works, it's you that works when you are complete, whole, natural.
     
  2. Kyle Katarn

    Kyle Katarn Fapstronaut

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    I beleive this in my heart of hearts. I hope that the longer I go on my latest streak, the more likely it will become that I will attract someone to me!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. Islanders190

    Islanders190 Fapstronaut

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    What a great post. man you dropped so many value bombs I don't know where to begin. you explained my last relationship to a T. I'll just say this I was beyond desperate and was pushing things way to fast she liked me but she was giving all the signs, verbal signs for that matter saying I'm not looking for a relationship. but I was so desperate and not mindful of the reality of the situation that when she uped and left I was beyond devasted. this was 3 years ago and I'm still a wreck. I put her on the biggest pedestal one could put them on. just not focusing on finding someone really takes alot of pressure off you if your able to do it. something I'm also trying to implement into my life
     
    WarriorScarr likes this.
  4. badeae1

    badeae1 Fapstronaut

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    Great post. I actually came here because I'm in a reversed situation. Girl is obsessing over me but its become difficult to say no to her. I am in no way attracted to her yet the possibility of being alone and not in contact with an opposite gender or even let alone be desired is scaring me. It terrifies the nature of my being, down to the core. Its almost as if I'm playing an arcade machine trying to last the longest to score more attention points. Been struggling with this for the past one week. Any advice on how to overcome her advances and let her down easy would be appreciated.... I want her to remain in contact as friends. I might be asking for too much. As op stated she glorifies the positive and never mentions the negative. I am a flawed human being who needs time to straighten his shit out. HELP PLS
     
  5. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    Before the event in my life that sent me on a new path that eventually lead me to noFap, I was a regular poster on reddit's ForeverAlone. And #ForeverAlone and #YouWillNever were regular hashtags in my social media posts. People kept telling me that I needed to change that mindset if I wanted to change the fact.
    And now I read that I need to accept I'll be #ForeverAlone.
    I find that somewhat confusing...
     
  6. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    @badeae1

    The possibility of being alone can be quite scary. So scary, in fact, that many of us settle for someone who isn't right. I even see it with myself; if a girl I'm not interested in for whatever reason starts giving me attention, I really do consider a relationship just for the sake of having someone. When you mention that the possibility of being alone "terrifies the very nature of your being", (I'm just assuming, clarify if I'm wrong), it sounds to me like you feel as if the attention from her validates your own existence in a sense. If this is correct, then this is the deeper issue to address before you start attracting the right women. Many, many people (including myself) have this issue, and it's the reason why rejection is so miserably painful.

    Advice on letting her down easy? It's as simple as just setting aside a time to speak with her and being honest and direct. Let her know that you're not interested in dating, but you appreciate her friendship very much and would love to remain in contact. You could even mention how her clingyness can be a turn-off...again, that's not being mean, it's being honest. Let me know how it goes, my friend.

    @SyrusDrake

    The process is extremely paradoxical and counter-intuitive, I understand why you feel confused. But, you're not accepting that you will be alone, rather you're accepting that you may be alone. That statement more accurately reflects reality, and accepting reality is where happiness truly starts. You must be happy and accepting with reality, and mostly with yourself, before you can start attracting the right women. It will not work the other way around. Relationships do not create happiness, happiness creates relationships.
     
  7. Red Eagle

    Red Eagle Fapstronaut

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    You need to stop listening to this kind of advice. There is so much different, contradicting advice out there and nothing is guaranteed to work. People always tell us, oh you have to be this and that, think like this or that. Just be yourself and don't let people confuse you.
    People have found each other in million different ways and all of these people had different mindsets. Some had positive mindsets and some thought they would never find someone and die alone.
     
    Green_Tea likes this.
  8. I Free I

    I Free I Guest

  9. Thug Life

    Thug Life Guest

  10. K.C_Cage

    K.C_Cage Fapstronaut

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    This was exactly my attitude for a while. I'm obviously not the oldest person here, at only 19 years of age. But, I had a few very painful rejections in the years past and I gave up trying to find a girl on purpose. It always ended in pain. Fast forward to the recent two weeks, and I've finally stumbled upon the girl for me. We are really compatible and I have high hopes for our relationship in the future. Obviously my situation is not going to happen to every one of you, but my point is if you patiently wait without being desperate, you will get to know some quality women and find the one for you. Whether it be sooner or later, it will happen. And if it doesn't, then accept it. It is a hard truth to swallow, but sometimes that is how our lives are supposed to play out.
     
    scote73 likes this.
  11. badeae1

    badeae1 Fapstronaut

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    Update on my situation:

    I told her that her advances were making things uncomfortable and she offered off the bat to remain friends although I didn't inform her of her clingyness.

    I have yet to wait for a reply from her but I think she may as have blocked me since she has already revealed how she feels about me. So it's usually difficult to remain friends immediately while the atmosphere is still so tense between us.

    Stay clean
     
  12. WELL HOW THE FUCK DO I GET MYSELF TO ACCEPT THIS
    HELP ME PLEASE
    I dont think reading it helps
     
  13. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    @mgracer48

    Believe me, I understand the frustration. Be sure not to beat yourself up if it takes you a while to just "accept" the possibility of being single the rest of your life...I wrote this post a while ago, and I'm still working on accepting it myself. This isn't an overnight process! It's okay if this is hard for you to do, it's not an easy thing to just "accept".

    The short answer to your question is self inquiry, and self reflection. Ask yourself, what's going on here? Why does being single feel so lonesome for me? Also, start getting in tune with your purpose in life, and make that your primary focus. Why? It helps your authentic self come out more fully. While you're going out into the world and uniquely making a positive difference in the world, you're attracting more and more good people into your life.

    Again, this may not happen instantly for you, and that's okay. It really does take a while for all this to sink in. Hope this helps.
     
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  14. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

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    @scote73

    But... if I'm fine with being alone, .why would I accept anyone intrude upon this paradise?
    For the sake of what?

    Hope for companionship which I left behind me?
    How can something that I do not aspire towards or take action to get, come towards me when I least expect / do not want it anymore?

    Makes no sense, pls explain
    use big boy words
    I can take it
     
  15. Audere est Facere

    Audere est Facere Fapstronaut

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    my 2 cents,

    working on yourself doesn't mean we can't approach girls.

    I don't know why people make it binary. You just have to know what you want, and don't let anyone stray you away from that.

    I used to say "ME ONLY", and that led me to loneliness.

    Now that I am testing the waters, I know I have options so I don't have desperation. I know what I want, and I'll only move forward if I feel that things are right.

    Previously, due to the limited options, I used to proceed even when all the wrong signs were there.

    Rather than self-pity, I almost feel bad for them when I have to walk away from someone that isn't right for me.
     
    scote73 likes this.
  16. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    @Audere est Facere

    I love your mentality, my friend. Even though we are working on ourselves, we can absolutely test the waters. What really helps is if you completely own your story. What I mean is, if you're working on yourself, don't hide that fact. In general, people will more often than not give you respect for owning up to your weaknesses, rather than trying to act like the perfect person.

    @Darkstar 22.84

    Hey man, if you're completely fine with your current situation, all the power to you. I think it's great that you're embracing it! If you're completely fine being single, and do not desire companionship in the manner discussed here, then the people around you must respect that choice. No one should force you to get into any situation that clearly doesn't fit your desired lifestyle. You hold all the power in that regard!
     
    Audere est Facere likes this.
  17. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

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    @scote73

    Don't get me wrong, I like affection & companionship as any other guy here.
    But, from my experience, I have found that is best to be single and enjoy silence then in a relationship and enjoy noise.

    Best to be left to my own devices.
    I'm not hurting anyone nor am I hurt by anyone.
     
    scote73 and Audere est Facere like this.
  18. Audere est Facere

    Audere est Facere Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much my friend! Great minds think alike :)

    Yessir, I am trying to own my own story and write my own story.

    I am the first to admit that I am far from perfect, but I am perfectly secure in my imperfections. It makes me happy to know that I am open and willing to work on improving myself! And as I am imperfect, why should I attribute perfection to any girl. I am just seeing if I can find that kindred spirit in another person, and if I do, then I'd like to explore it, and until then I am in NO rush :)
     
  19. Green_Tea

    Green_Tea Fapstronaut

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    This is my mantra now; it is true that the expectations are what lead to being let down. I am now working on accepting that it's perfectly fine being alone until I die.
     
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2016
  20. tet2vd

    tet2vd Fapstronaut

    @scote73 This is a great post and it really resonated with me as I remember this is how I met this one girl who I cared for very much after dating a couple years. Sadly it didn't work out due to a few reasons which in retrospect were mostly due to me not working on myself enough by the time I met her and not mature enough to realize that I was suffering from the repercussions of PMO. That being said, It's been 8 months since I've come to realize that I should accept being alone and the idea that I may never find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Like the others who have posted before me, I've spent the last 8 months learning to reflect upon myself and do things that I think will benefit me as an individual in all aspects in the long run. Sometimes it can be difficult and some days are easier than others, but I know it is a step-by-step process. I look forward to the day that it all clicks for each and every one of us here, having all come to the same relative conclusion at our own paces. Also I hope you and your lady friend are doing well!
     

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