Sorry I'm late so let me introduce myself

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Taylor25, Oct 23, 2016.

  1. Taylor25

    Taylor25 Fapstronaut

    Hello! I'm just a new member in less than two months. I'm an secluded autistic 25 years old musician, gamer and Funko Pops collector who is currently working at IMAX for two and a half years, where I've earned Employee of the Month. I never have a girlfriend and I had crush on alot. I also don't smoke, drink, sex, drug or partying. I have been currently looking for physical help since November 2015 just to get better. However, I have a lot of problems & issues in my life since Summer 2005 and it's rough, so there's nothing much around here in this town. Anyway, I would like to tell a story on how I got into pornography like Playboy, Girls Gone Wild and stuff. Yes, it's obvious and it's a truth so I'm not going to offense you by any means though.

    On Summer 2005, when I was 14 years old, I went on a random website (something related to Star Wars I was searching on Google) and I accidentally clicked on the site to look at celebrity's interviews and stuff, but when it pops up on-screen, I just saw a nude actress and I automatically masturbated. At the same time, I felt like crap and I shouldn't be doing that because I wasn't aware of that website has nude women, and that's what got me into porn. After that, I looked up Playboy over the Internet and started to get into it every year. I also use my brain to think about random nude women in my own mind and I fapped to it as well. :( I also masturbated to the scene where EVA was showing her body in the Playstation 2 game called Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater and I couldn't stop doing that! :(

    After 2005-06 schoolyear, when I was an 8th grader, and during Summer 2006, I still could't remember if I fapped to anything in that season or not. Outside of porno during that summer, it was great. I got to see my families for 1 1/2 months in Arizona and California and it was a joy. ;)

    Shortly I graduated from high school in 2010, I was started to touch women's breasts without permission at some rock concerts and I still feel ashamed for doing that and, yes, it was sinful. After one of the concerts in mid-2011, I stopped doing that for life and I will not be able to do that ever again. Man, I was so freaking dumb and I feel like I'm going to Hell when I die. :( What the f was I just thinking?! :mad:

    After that happen, I still masturbated to a new website like seeing videos on-screen called Girls Gone Wild. Since I went to that website, I started to into it every week and holy crap, what a crazy website that was! :eek: Shortly after I found Girls Gone Wild, I've discovered something new and that was mostly just cam shows. I remember it wasn't Pornhub, it was some cam websites like GGWLive and Cammodel I masturbated and I've been doing it as well. :( However, since the ending of 2015, I've discovered and installed BlockSite for my Google Chrome and started to block many, many social media and adult websites. I also found an articles of listed adult websites I can block and that's may be the best thing to do.

    Since then, I have been out of my mind and horny for wanting to have sex with a beautiful girl with medium-sized breasts who is close to my age in my near future but I feel like it causes relapse. The reason why I wanted to have sex because I felt like I want to squeeze chick's breasts and messing with her body so it could be any young girl. However, I'm not interest in women anymore because I'm tired of being addicted to beautiful women for 7-8 years. I also have been using my smartphone to look at cam models to masturbate and start looking for apps to install & block sites. However, most of these apps won't work and I don't why but now I stop looking at cam models over the Internet on the smartphone.

    Speaking of issues, I've been suffering anxiety and depression before my historic Warriors lost the 2016 NBA Finals and I don't know how this happened to me so there's got to be something. For the rest of my life, I have social issues and never talk well because I speak like a 10-12 years old kid but people from my high school and workplace still like me as a person. Since the Warriors loss, I've been suffering frustration and panic attack more than ever, as well as being a reckless for a little bit. Also, I've lost interest in reading novels & comics and watching Disney movies because it feels very uncomfortable when I think of women in my head and after masturbated once in a while. Sometimes, I feel suicidal when it comes to porn addiction, masturbation and sports. That's because my brain is mess up with some of disorder, disease or whatever I call it so I cannot complain.

    To this day, I'm continuing to hit new streak again and again. Like I said earlier, I still feel like a new me is a bit reckless because I don't like being reckless like I used to be a bada$$ headbanger in high school and now I kind of go back to my former self just for metal music, that's all. Of course it feels different but it will hit me up when the time come to my new self after I stop thinking of or looking at cam girls for 2+ months but much more mature and give me self-confidence so that's a theory right here.

    For now, this is all I can say about my story. I have a decent life since the very beginning of my elementary school and porn addiction with decent English skills. I blame few things for putting me to a special place in elementary because of a stupid doctor didn't check on me and my mother was being an idiot just to get remarried with a man I didn't care about. Right now, I'm living with my good father and my first pet together somewhere in West Coast. With that being said, I'm happy having a job for two years and speaking my own words good but needs improvement. I do have a light future ahead of my life and there is so many things to look forward to. ;)

    PS. Sorry for English errors, so again I'm still learning how to speak & type properly because my bad elementary years. :(
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2016
  2. NewLife101

    NewLife101 Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap, Taylor25 and thank you for sharing your story; that took great courage. I'm glad you have a positive attitude' NoFap has helped me change my attitude. I am glad you are here.
    AndySky180 and Taylor25 like this.
  3. tout ça pour ça

    tout ça pour ça Distinguished Fapstronaut

    It is good to have your honesty here and your ideas. I hope you will succeed on your journey. I think you will because you seem to have determination and clarity.
    AndySky180 likes this.
  4. needing2change

    needing2change Fapstronaut

    I'll second what newlife and tout ça have said. Welcome. You'll find a great deal of hope and help on this website. Good luck on your journey. N2C
    AndySky180 likes this.
  5. Taylor25

    Taylor25 Fapstronaut

    Thanks buddy! :)

    It has been crazy in my last 5 years of porn addiction though.
    AndySky180 likes this.
  6. Saskia

    Saskia Guest

    Welcome, and thanks for sharing your story. You have a good way of writing about yourself, with much honesty and many positives:)

    I wish you every success:)
    AndySky180 likes this.
  7. Taylor25

    Taylor25 Fapstronaut

    Thanks bud!

    I wish I've told my story to my families, co-workers and some managers because I'm afraid they might get confused and deranged about me. Who knows?
    AndySky180 likes this.
  8. Saskia

    Saskia Guest

    It can be hard to know who to tell. This is a fairly private thing to share, though, so I don't tell too many people. I have my friends here to share with, and that works pretty well for me.

    I'm glad for your work - your employer is lucky to have you:)
    Taylor25 and AndySky180 like this.

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