Checking in for the Black Templars! After failing pretty early in the months of November and December, this may be the longest I've lasted in battle in the Emperor's service. The Adeptus Astartes have been good to me.
My brother you are in my thoughts. You remind me of the youtube video I saw where this croc is trying to pull this wildebeest into water and it kept fighting and eventually escaped after a real long fight. You are in the zone where you are not being able to gain your composure and harness your inner strength to hold your ground. You have done longer streaks. Just let it all go. Forget about your previous streaks. Please take a deep breath and think why you are doing this. Think that what one man can do another can too. And then reengage. Good luck
I've been a bit lax checking in daily here. But here I am. No significant urges to speak of, besides occasional "hmmm I should search forrrr NO!". I have spent too much time reading & watching vids on crypto, and not getting more important things done though. That's something I need to work on: priorities. @dandausa @gegenavenger Sorry to hear its been rough. How are you doing? Wanna join the 7 day with us? Hear hear! Love this This is great to hear, soldier! Copy that @Primaris. Far out, that ain't fair, sending you unrequested nudes! You're clearly a man of action, deleting that app straight up. All the best mate. I'm looking forward to seeing that streak again. Btw, when does/did your new job start?
Thanks for sharing @Fighter_4_life. As Primaris said, it's good to hear your persective I hope and pray that the exploitation of girls and women in all its forms is erradicated, and I'm trying my best to do my part in how I think, speak to and treat all the people in my life, but still catch myself sometimes in how my perspective is warped. From what I see in the people around me and culture, it seems to have improved in the last 10-15 years, but still has so far to go...
Another relapse this morning which is tough but I could tell my mindset wasn't right going into it. I need to remember why I'm doing this and even more importantly, why I don't want to be battling PMO in 5, 10, 20 years time like many members of this forum. If you don't start now, then when?
Checking in for the Black Templars. Last night I had a wet dream, and urges were pretty high for me in the morning. The BRACE tactic helped me push through it, but I also tried to implement urge surfing so I could process those desires rather than simply pushing them away and hoping they wouldn't come back.
Fallen marine checking in on my way back to the light. Day One again and I really hadn't missed these awful two/three day PMO cycles during my long streak before. Battling through and planning to have a mighty 18 days under my belt by the time the February challenge rolls around. Deus Vult!
Yup. It's no fun still being in it after such a long time. It's left a pile of regrets for me, and many other people on this forum of course could say the same thing. Now I have a bunch of strong reasons from the past (and present) why I want out. Sure, mistakes are often how we learn, but the smartest people learn from others' mistakes, before it happens to them. Okay. I really enjoy programming, but I wonder what it's like when doing it for work. I hope it's a good thing for you - interesting to learn a new language, change of scenery at the new office, new workmates etc. What's BRACE again?
Hey! I'm announcing that I will post my daily fight with my deceptive brain messages ("You are not your brain" readers would know that). So it's because aside from PMO I didn't even succeed in abstaining from them for even 3 days. so alongside PMO, I will write the rebooting process (or rewiring) process of ignoring those deceptive brain messages. So today. ya! I failed in fighting with those messages. they come again and again in my life at specific time intervals. Also lasts for even a week and takes the real "me" from me. So the more aware I will be with them, the more strength I gain. as you know porn is also an addiction, a craving which is a deceptive brain message and it interrupts your life.
CHECKING IN!! DAY:34 or 13( for this challenge) yesterday was a F**K**G hilarious day. I was going to watch porn and do MO. but I barely survived. My cravings overpowered and I failed in controlling myself and ended up messing all the work which I have to get done. But I will endure and I have to reach where I should be and where I want myself.
Reporting for the Space Wolves. 13 days in. I am so joyful. Life is good right now. I'm getting joy from doing the most mundane things. Dancing like crazy and just enjoying the music.
It was very close tonight. So many urges. Found myself testing the blockers again. Sure, they're reinforced now, but seeing all the text results and finding websites that make it through the blockers is so dangerous (not actually viewing them - I stay on results page and mouse over the inactive tab for the address and add it to blocker). Why did I do this? a) part of it is genuine: I actually wanted to improve on the technology barriers, b) I didn't want to go to bed for some reason (an ongoing thing), c) feeling the psychological pressure of how far I've gotten, wondering if I can maintain it. "maybe it'll be easier if I'm back at zero or a couple of weeks" (it's not: it's more difficult, but for different reasons), d) probably a similar reason to porn - I wanted to escape my negative emotions, to feel good, to get that dopamine surge even from seeing the text even momentarily, e) there was a big part of me that wanted to fail, to throw away my streak to get rid of C and achieve D. C & D ---> E I'm so glad I didn't stop and view anything. But stupid. Stupid stupid thing to do. Playing with fire. Action I need to remind myself of why I'm doing this. It was only a few days ago that I read through a lot of my NoFap journal to remind myself. It seems I may need to do that more often, even at this stage, and perhaps add to it. Thursday/Friday. Socialising. Other than my housemate, I've hardly seen my own friends in the last few weeks, and frankly, I'm starting to feel isolated and lonely. I already have a catch-up planned for tomorrow afternoon with a close friend. Book in more of these. Tomorrow & ongoing. Deal with my guilt and overwhelm which has spiked lately for various reasons. It'd help to do some (not NoFap related) journalling. Friday.
