Start of a new journey…I guess

Hi all, new to nofap here.

You might be wondering about the title of my post - doesn’t seem very inspiring does it!

I’ll tell you why - I’m not really sure what I hope to get out of it. I understand that a lot of people really struggle with porn and masturbation and that it can REALLY badly affect their lives. Luckily for me, I don’t really notice any adverse effects. Obviously the more porn I watch the more desensitised I get. I completely understand that as it makes total sense.

But porn doesn’t seem to have any noticeable effects on my life. I have never had any ED issues no matter how much porn I watch. I can get hard and stay hard for hours. What’s more, despite the porn I watch, even a slightly passionate kiss from my wife will get me hard.

I never miss work or appointments because of PMO - in fact I’m working a full time job as well as running 2 other businesses right now. Funnily enough this in itself doesn’t give me much time for PMO. lol

But for me, even though I’m married, PMO is my only outlet. Because of my wife’s many illnesses and physical issues, we have not had sex for 5 years now. As well as her physical problems she also suffers from anxiety and is therefore on medication for that, as well as large amounts of pain meds for her physical issues. These meds have absolutely destroyed the very small libido she had before all her physical problems started.

Oh, and prior to her medical problems we went through 7 years of trying to get pregnant which was finally successful after 6 rounds of IVF. So to say she’s had a very tough run of things the last 10+ years would be an understatement.

I would do anything to take her pain and anxiety away. I would take it all on board for her if I could. But I can’t.

As I’m sure you can imagine, a complete lack of any physical intimacy in our marriage has taken it to breaking point. Not only have we not had sex in 5 years, but we have done nothing else. She just refuses. Lord knows I understand she’s suffered and I know that her libido is non existent but what hurts the most is that she won’t even do anything for me. No oral or hand relief - nothing.

That’s what is really hard to accept. That’s what hurts so much. We’ve been through so much together and it seems like she’s just given up. Given up on me and our marriage.

But at the end of the day I’m still human, I’m still a man and I need more than just a house mate - which is basically all she is now.

So my dilemma is this - I know that I have an addiction to porn - I can’t masturbate without it. I know that’s bad. But my question is this - if there is no hope of me ever having sex again (and I’m at the point now where I think this is a real possibility) is PM really something I need to give up? If it’s not adversely affecting me in my life, why should I stop?

Not trying to be negative, just wondering why everyone else wants to stop? So your life and relationships can be better? What if your life is not affected and your relationship will not be affected either?

Any help or feedback will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks and good luck everyone!

 

I assume you actually have intimacy with him? I assume that his sexual needs are met by you, at least in some capacity? Tell me, what would he be like if he was not PMOing AND you totally and utterly refused him any sexual intimacy whatsoever? Would he be a better or worse person than when he was PMO?

 

I know it’s personal, but can you please elaborate? Why could you not wait to divorce him? Was he angry all the time? If so, why? Was he depressed all the time? If so, why? What were the issues that were caused by PMO that clearly didn’t affect his success but made you want to divorce him? Genuinely curious.

 

I hear what you’re saying but nothing you described about your husband relates to me at all. I’m extremely attentive to my wife, very affectionate and CRAVE more than anything intimacy in the bedroom. But no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try nothing ever works. The ONLY thing that frustrates me and upsets me and annoys me is the total lack of any intimacy from my wife. I get angry about it.

But then I catch myself and try to be happy and bubbly. I make a concerted effort to never mention sex or put pressure on her about it. I realise that pressuring her about it can make things worse so I don’t. Our relationship has devolved into room mate status. As a result I’m angry and frustrated. We got to a breaking point 6 months ago and nearly called it quits. But we decided to make an effort. I promised that I would be happy and calm and not mention, bring up or pressure her for sex and she promised she would at least try. I told her I just need SOMETHING. Some sort of effort to show she is at least willing to try. We got some medication for her which is supposed to counteract the anti anxiety meds and increase her libido. She promised she would take them. I told her if she did that I would be happy. Or I told her to at least start exercising. Her health issues and subsequent medication have caused her to put on a lot of weight which she hates so much and is giving her even more anxiety. I told her that I would help her train, eat better - whatever she wanted. I just wanted her to try. I told her that I didn’t even need her to try and have sex with me or anything sexual - I just wanted her to try SOMETHING to make a change.

And here we are 6 months later and nothing has changed. Well nothing from her anyway. I have been happy, friendly, attentive, loving and have not mentioned sex once. Not matter how desperate, horny, sad and depressed our complete lack of intimacy has made me I always put a smile on my face and made a real effort to make things better for her at home. Hell, I’m nearly a month into no PMO as well.

But she has done absolutely nothing. She hasn’t even taken the pills. No exercise, no effort to be intimate - nothing. She was always down because I used to get mad about our lack of intimacy. But still never did anything. Then when I make no mention of it and am happy, she thinks that things are great and I’m happy so there’s no need to change anything. It’s a never ending cycle, but I’m the only one who ever changes my behaviour.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I know her health issues are not her fault and she has had to deal with so much pain and suffering and is now suffering the consequences of the medications. But what am I supposed to do? Do I not matter at all? My wife has health issues and a low libido so therefore my needs are irrelevant?

Im seriously lost. I understand she doesn’t feel like sex but the most heartbreaking thing is that she KNOWS I do, she knows how sad and depressed our total lack of intimacy has made me and it doesn’t matter to her. She says it does but how can that be true if she refuses to even take a pill. I’m not asker her to have sex with me every day, I’m not asking her to do anything physical except take a pill and even that’s too much effort for her.

I would do absolutely anything she asked me no matter how much I hated it if she told me it meant that much to her, but she won’t for me.

I really don’t know what to do.