Starting a hard mode challenge

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by WhvYDK5z, Apr 19, 2019.

  1. WhvYDK5z

    WhvYDK5z Fapstronaut

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    I'm 32 and I've been struggling with pornography and masturbation since I was twelve. I've been married for twelve years. My wife told me today I have one last chance to quit this addiction or she will divorce me. She's been telling me for a long time, but I haven't really heard her and internalized what she's been saying until now. The addiction has turned me into a selfish self focused person who had completely emotionally withdrawn.

    I hate myself. Every time my wife does something nice for me I hate myself more because I don't deserve it. All I can think about is that I'm going to die alone and unloved.

    Where do I start? How do I move forward?
     
  2. DAMN.

    DAMN. Fapstronaut

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    brother firstable try to find the reasons why you mastubating to porn. you should elimate them. for example if its you computer, install an blocker for porn sites. then you should try dont mastubate as long as possible. and always remember why you want to do it.
     
  3. WhvYDK5z

    WhvYDK5z Fapstronaut

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    I guess the porn and masturbation is a habit that formed when I was young and lonely. It was a way of distracting myself from my depression and lonely feelings. It's just made them worse. I just don't understand how anyone could love me. I've destroyed my marriage by abandoning the only person who loves me because I don't understand why another person could possibly love me.
     
  4. stands to reason

    stands to reason Fapstronaut

    struggling
    pornography
    masturbation since twelve
    addiction
    she's been telling me divorce for a long time
    emotionally withdrawn
    hate myself
    don't deserve
    die alone
    unloved

    Where do you start? A sinful mind. The power of thought. Belief. The power of the tongue. Life or death. Choose wisely. My Journal will fill in things not typed here. If I was married I would honor my vows. My promise. Start with your wife. Perhaps write her a letter, open your heart to her. Tell her that you do not want to lose her. If true you don' t want to die alone and unloved. Let her know you need her and what she means to you. May you overcome to find peace. May you heal and restore the love you have for your wife and family.

    In deed and truth,
     
  5. WhvYDK5z

    WhvYDK5z Fapstronaut

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    I've been keeping it up just fine. I'm beginning to think that porn isn't my main problem. My main problem is I hate myself. I just keep the porn around to prove I'm a sinner who doesn't deserve to be loved. I'm just lost right now. Like I'm awake to all the problems I've caused in my marriage and wish I could go back to sleep because of all the pain. i won't do that because it would make it worse, but it would be nice. All I can think about is that my wife is probably going to divorce me. She says I have to love myself before I can love anyone else.
     

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