Stopping NoFap Was Great, Quarantine Edition

Hi all,

(First a TL;DR: I have wasted the last six months watching pornography daily, sometimes for six hours a day. It doesn't help that I am stuck inside all the time with the stress of graduating from college in a month (job offers being retracted with the economy the way that it is). Suggestions? Plz...)

I wanted to rejoin this forum and recover again. In order to do that I am going to start by talking about what has led to my current situation and what I plan on doing tonight to start recovering.

I came to this forum for the first time about eight months ago. I found great friends and an incredible community. Unfortunately, I was starting University again, lost someone dear to me, and made some mistakes that cost me quite a few friends at the time. Thus I let myself slip, stopped coming to this forum, and let my problems return. They returned with vengeance.

Months passed and I slowly isolated myself from everyone. It started out once a day (from seven-twenty days that I could hit in the past) and I didn't fight it. Life felt so meaningless at the time that I stopped going to the gym, meditating, and working on my life.

It felt nice in a way, not having to try so hard. It also felt nice not having to deal with withdrawal symptoms. I had on and off withdrawals for nearly two years and now it was gone! I actually noticed that I felt a little better on the daily not worrying about relapsing, working out five days a week, and reading articles on addiction 24/7.

This worsened for six months, doing it more and more every day, hiding under the guise of "wow I can enjoy myself without the constant regret!" and "Man, life is so much more relaxing not holding myself to such high standards!" Now it is April and my addiction is the worst that it has ever been.

I have turned to frightening genres of pornography, I don't think that I have slept more than six hours a night because I am doing it until 5am, and I have lost everything that I had worked three years for... In just six months mind you.

Before I felt happy and now I feel nothing. I feel like an empty hole and it would scare me if I could feel scared. I met an amazing girl that I fell in love with around two months ago but she could see the path that I am taking. She left and I don't blame her.

So tonight, after PMO-ing for eight hours today (not even joking), skipping lunch with my family to PMO, and barely passing my exam because I didn't sleep last night, I realized where I am in my life. I am at a crossroads with graduation from university right around the corner. I have so much going for me: a good degree, great work experience, friendships that have been made. I am getting to the point where I would easily trade that to PMO.

I want to change. I just don't know how to do that. This quarantine has me trapped inside all day with pornography and that is the hardest part. Staying inside is the worst thing for me right now. How are you guys dealing with PMO with the quarantine? Is there anything that has worked for you? I seriously need advice. I feel motivated right now but I know that tomorrow, being inside all day, I will just resort to PMO.

Any advice is appreciated, and thank you for reading my novel lol.