Straight guy / gay porn

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by jetskisetter, Jan 22, 2019.

  1. aspiringwriter1997

    aspiringwriter1997 Fapstronaut

    Man, you took the words right out of my mouth. I was a small, nerdy, meek guy who was well respected, but not very popular at school. I've always wanted to be accepted and craved more male friends since all of the alpha males at my school would look down at me as an easy target. I never had that problem with my fellow intellectual friends and female friends (which I've always had more of).

    My desire to be accepted by the males got me was one ingredient into the mix of my porn addiction. I wanted to be accepted so badly that I had dreams throughout my senior year of either the alpha males or my two absolute best guy friends fucking me and I craved that attention so badly. Ever since starting this reboot, however, those desires have vanished and I now see how porn has a poisonous effect on people. I'm still reclaiming my identity and while I do know that I no longer have the interest to watch porn, my mind is still trying to rewire in terms of who I like and all that jazz. None of us in this thread should be ashamed of what we've done, but rather be thankful that it lead us to this reboot process and taking back our lives. c:
     
  2. EL88

    EL88 Fapstronaut

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    You're completely right - and thank you!

    In another thread, I'm talking to some guys about SSA as well in context of "attentive fapping". And, if I'm reading it right, not everybody on here is as accepting as you guys are:
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/attentive-fapping.219056/#post-1944478
     
  3. aspiringwriter1997

    aspiringwriter1997 Fapstronaut

    You've read it right. I'm getting the vibe that they're not as accepting in that thread as this one is.
     
    EL88 likes this.
  4. WARNING: TRIGGER CONTENT.

    30 year old married dude here. I haven’t been completely addicted to PMO, but I’m married and found myself edging all the time and M quite a bit. If a day went by and I didn’t have sex or get a BJ or get off from other messing around I’d just do it myself. If a day or two went by and I didn’t O I’d get moody. I was reading a book about porn for a friend of mine who wanted me to proofread it and I realized the effects of porn were real in my life - not really from porn - but from my dirty fantasies that I’d play over in my head to get myself off. The thing that made me question it all was that my fantasies were getting more and more graphic. I thought about sharing my wife, jerking off with friends, and getting caught being turned of or having sex in public... I realized I was actually fantasizing about being into guys. I once told a friend that I’d do anything with a guy besides anal when I was like... WTF. That is so different from the me that I know on the inside.

    Four years ago, a straight friend of mine told me about how he had a jerkoff buddy. He sent me pics of the dudes jerking off together and I wanted to try it. We did it a few times and I loved it. Told my wife and she wasn’t opposed to it. Thought it was weird but “didn’t hate it.” This same friend sent me all kinds of porn - hot guys, threesomes with two guys and one girl, circle jerks, etc. and I secretly loved it even though I was initially repulsed. I showed some of it to my wife. Again... my wife didn’t hate it. I’d think about the fact that she didn’t dislike it when I’d jerk off. I eventually ended that toxic relationship with this friend because he was too into it and obsessive about it and haven’t looked at porn. But it would fuel my jerkoff sessions with those thoughts. I also was thinking about actually developing some of my close relationships into jerkoff buddy relationships. That’s when I said. I need a reboot.

    I’m straight. I’m super happy in my marriage. But the wife-sharing/showing her off, jerkoff buddy with a guy wanted my wife, and seeing other guys who were more fit than me got me off. Idk if it’s a self esteem thing or what. But I decided to put and end to it. After 11 days of no PMO I can already see my thought pattern clearing up. It’s not as hard for me since I’m not addicted, not I see that my compulsion to MO was tied to morning and night.

    This is going to change my life and I’m committed to no MO or edging for the rest of my life. Easy decision. Hopefully it finishes clearing my my messed up fantasy pattern soon.
     
  5. Spot618

    Spot618 Fapstronaut

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    Good luck brother!
     
  6. A.V.R

    A.V.R Fapstronaut

    I created a flowchart in my head as to the levels of escalation when it comes to porn addiction
    1-Watching porn
    2-masturbating to porn
    3-Cam models
    4-sex
    5-return to porn but harder fetishes gay etc
    6-you seek out to do twisted fetishes with female or male partners(even if not gay)

    The more porn you watch the more you need hardcore and sick videos to keep yourself aroused although none of us are gay this is just the natural progression of where the addiction takes us. Rebooting is literally saving lives.
     
    Capt. U and aspiringwriter1997 like this.
  7. LIF€ ₩ORRIOR

    LIF€ ₩ORRIOR Fapstronaut

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    Totally agree thanks 4 sharing
     
    Committed to One likes this.
  8. aspiringwriter1997

    aspiringwriter1997 Fapstronaut

  9. ManIUsedToBe

    ManIUsedToBe Fapstronaut

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    Me and some friends had a small experience when we were about 12, we took our dicks out and touched each others. But I am bi sexual now. I love women and want to be with a women and have kids, but I also like playing with men from time to time. Giving/receiving oral or anal. Sexuality is a BROAD spectrum. Nothing is set in stone. If you get aroused by men naked, you are bi sexual. But there is nothing wrong with that.
     
  10. aspiringwriter1997

    aspiringwriter1997 Fapstronaut

    I never had any experiences like that. I never got to hang out with my friends so I have no idea if they ever did that. However, I'm glad to see that you're expressing your sexuality and being happy with wanting to marry a woman but be with men from time to time. I think you said it best when you said, "Nothing is set in stone."
     
    ManIUsedToBe and Spot618 like this.
  11. sgtsj

    sgtsj Fapstronaut

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    I go back and forth like that to man, same struggles and same dirty secrets, trying to make this right, I'm going to give it my all I hope I can and will be strong enough, remember you're not the only one fighting this so am i
     
  12. EL88

    EL88 Fapstronaut

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    You're not alone in this, man!
     
  13. davidx

    davidx Fapstronaut

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    My first sexual experiences were with boys but I am not gay. Honestly my hormones were so out of control when I was a teenage boy I would have had sex with a tree or a cat if I could. I just wanted sex!!! I became addicted to porn at 13 had some sexual encounters with boys when I was 13-15 but I really wanted girls - girls - girls!!! I have gotten into gay and trans porn a few times over the years but I have zero interest in men / males as far as any real sex encounters. Porn corrupted my mind and fetishes and looking for different or more extreme porn took over as I wanted more dopamine. Anyway I’m not gay but I’ve definitely looked at Bi, Gay and trans porn of those 3 gay was least preferred.

    I wouldn’t have had that interest if it wasn’t for porn though. Just a porn fetish I think more than anything.
     
    sgtsj and aspiringwriter1997 like this.
  14. PornFreeMe

    PornFreeMe Fapstronaut

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    Trans porn was a big problem for me for many years. I used shemale porn out of guilt, self-hatred, and shame for about 9-10 years. During the last few years, I started trying to meet shemales to fulfill the fantasy. I scoured craigslist, used apps and things, but never met one. I've successfully stopped masturbating to trans porn and all porn in general. Sometimes, very rarely, I may edge to trans porn or other porn. To me, it seems that it never truly goes away. If you give it time and are persistent, the power it has on your psyche definitely goes away.

    2 years ago, if I had an urge or a whisper in my mind... if I was sad or lonely, I'd go into my bed, find some weird porn, and it'd be over. Today, those urges are rare and with the resolve I've built up in my mind over the last year, year and a half, saying "no" is so simple. Before that, I didn't know how to say "no." It takes time, but you'll get better. I'm still so far from being perfect, being who I want to be, who I need to be, but if you suffer out the pain of not giving in (it's painful at first) you will become so much stronger.

    It's a hard habit to break, but once you are free from it, you will feel so much better. My anxiety, my lack of confidence have all but diminished. Every time you say no, you disrupt that neural pathway, you get stronger.

    A week of not giving in is better than giving in. Progress takes time. My abstinence, if it can be summarized, was short spurts, heavy relapses, mental strength, longer spurts, shorter relapses eventually yielding: partial freedom. Good luck.
     
  15. Sharksvv

    Sharksvv Fapstronaut

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    You could potentially be getting aroused by the fantasy of it and the fetish aspect of it rather than being aroused by the actual men.
     
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  16. jetskisetter

    jetskisetter Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate this description!! I think it’s easy (and incorrect) to think of recovery as successful only when you’re abstaining. But it’s not that black and white. The goal in addiction recovery is total abstinence, but it’s a long, winding road to get there. The resets and the relapses are part of the upward trajectory to healing, not falling all the way back to square one. I don’t know, I think I’m just coming out of a phase of romanticizing recovery and thinking one strong streak is all it takes to stay clean forever, and I’m now developing a more whole view of it all.
     
  17. aspiringwriter1997

    aspiringwriter1997 Fapstronaut

    I've done well that I've gone 38 days without but this is my biggest fear right here. I'm afraid that I'll end up viewing my streak through rosy glasses and think that one long marathon will help me stay clean forever. How did you get over that and what should I do?
     
    PornFreeMe and Tannhauser like this.
  18. sgtsj

    sgtsj Fapstronaut

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    I am so impressed with you guys and seeing the counter alot of you guys have, I hope I'll be able to see my numbers get up there, i want to thank you guys for posting on these threads, first thing i do when I get up is to look at this sight, it use to be to look at some porn sight while drinking my coffee, again thank you.
     
    jetskisetter and Tiger uppercut! like this.
  19. davidx

    davidx Fapstronaut

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    That’s awesome- enjoy your coffee and the forum instead of Porn. I truly hope to make it to 90 days with no PM and only O with wife.

    This is a great site and very helpful!

    Good Luck!!
     
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  20. aspiringwriter1997

    aspiringwriter1997 Fapstronaut

    Your numbers will get up there, man. You just have to be determined, strong, and not give in to your urges. I'm glad that this website's the first thing you look at now instead of a porn site.
     
    sgtsj likes this.

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