strange obscure problems with my body

Hi, I just registered to these forums today. I'm just really seeking some answers that I really can't find anywhere on the internet.

For about 6 years, I was addicted to masturbation. I remember various times in those years where I researched whether or not it was harmful to sexually exert one's self as much as I was, but I never found anything. There would be various times where I would skip a night, or a stretch of a few days to a week due to some sort of vacation, but I would always return right back to it when I could. It became a daily thing pretty early on.

The reason I was able to quit was because problems began to appear in my health, and it began to scare me how little control I had over quitting. Please understand that every one of these health effects would become significantly worsened after a sexual climax, helping me confirm many times over that they are correlated to sexual activity. Not only that, but after each relapse, these symptoms would also take longer to go away.

The first health problem that appeared was a tendon connecting the crotch area to my left leg, (possibly the groin muscle) began to feel very discomforted and weird, almost as if it was squirming out of control. The strangest thing was that it did not hurt. But it was very distracting and detoured me from climaxing myself for a few days, but my self control at this point in my life was very low, a result of going through a very emotionally tough period of my life.

The next problem didn't take long to appear, but it was a change in my breathing. Every few breaths, I would just feel a sudden quick inhale, and this would happen every here and there. I also just had difficulty breathing comfortably in general, as if there were some sort of tightness in my lower stomach stopping me from breathing in enough air, and breathing automatically wouldn't take in enough air and I would have to force a deep breath just to feel okay.

The next problem that presented itself was a strange feeling in my head and throat. It's very hard to describe, but it feels like my head is just full of air and my throat feels swollen, and would even squirm a little bit sometimes just the way my leg muscle did.

Next came a strange one. I realized after a while that my head was leaning to what would be the right side from my perspective. I realized that during masturbation, my head would hold a tight focus on a certain point to the right side of my vision. It almost feels like my whole head now feels off centered, non-symmetrical and unbalanced.

The last health issue, being the most recent one, appeared much longer after the other symptoms compared to how soon they all appeared after each other. Basically, my left eyelid has a twitch, and it began after a relapse, and worsened after a session of edging.

As strange as it is that I would link these problems to masturbation and sexual climaxing, they all consistently prove to be linked to this with how heightened they all become after even just one climax now. Not a single one of them appeared another way, and this is by far the worst addiction I've ever had. There would be some days where I climaxed 3 or 4 times, while not breaking the pattern of at least 1 climax per day. I know that even with all these symptoms aside, this is unhealthy behavior and can mess with the chemical imbalance with the brain, and screw up the reward circuits. I've had that happen too, to the point where I don't really feel all the way myself the day after a climax, and feel little motivation to do anything. Even still, those are both problems I can easily see being fixed by simply just quitting.

All I want is my sexual freedom back. I admit I am terrified that my body will never be returned to normal again and I've ruined sex for myself, or even that I may not even live very long now. If anybody has any information on what I can do to 1. discipline myself to quit entirely and 2. repair or reverse these health problems that I'm seeing stem from masturbation.

I also want to add that I have seen a doctor about this, and he was absolutely useless about it. His notes were very inaccurate to what I told him, and he denied my idea that it's even linked to masturbation even though I have VERY CLEARLY seen them appear from it, and worsen from it. And the next time I went to him, I was in a good stretch of staying away from this, so my symptoms weren't as bad, and because of that he swept it under the rug and never helped me with it.

Thanks for any sort of help, and I'm sorry if this is not the proper place in the forum for this. I seem to be able to go 1-2 months without this, but as the symptoms disappear and the urges increase, there still seems to be a point where I give in after a while. I like to think that I've done a good job keeping myself from doing this, although I really didn't have much of a choice. That's why I posted this in the recovery section

Again, thank you.

 

Thanks for the inspirational responses. It's a good relief to see that at least some of these symptoms have shown in others as well. It was somewhat scary to know that neither google, or an actual doctor could tell me anything about what I feel, as if my problems were unique to me and nobody knew what to do about them. I've known about this forum for some time, it's just been a matter of acknowledging the problem and actually setting out to fix it.

I'd say the problem that worries me the most is the head leaning. In a way, it feels irreversible, as if I messed up something neurologically, but I have also seen it recede in the stretches of time that I've managed to stay away from this, so I don't think that is the case.

After these brief responses I'd say I've had the final little cutoff I've been seeking. I need to be able to tell myself, "It doesn't matter if it's been 2 months and the symptoms are low, they will come back after just one time. Don't do it." which is easier said than done knowing the temptation of this addiction.

Another thing that I think has gotten in the way a little bit is nocturnal emission. My mind loves to dream, and in a period of trying to control where my brain goes and avoid certain thought paths, it can be a bit difficult to keep under control when I'm asleep. I think this has interrupted my quitting twice in two years, so it's not a game changer, it's just the part of this process where I see the importance of the mindset and discipline.

Anyway, thanks again for the help. The welcoming nature of this community will prove worthwhile to me, I'll make sure of it.