So, I've been learning this as I went along with trying to control my addiction to P and M: I find that for the last 20 years - which were the years in which sex has been a factor in my mind and life - my drive and desire to sit at home masturbating to some story or images has always been stronger than my drive to have sex with a person. I've always been shy and not easy in making contact, especially afraid of bodily contact with anyone, even clumsy in hugging my friends. Finally I realised that my drive to touch people, and do more, is not as strong as I think other people have it. Which is fine, because it's not absent at all, occasionally I have had strong sexual clicks with people, just not with every girl I meet. But almost separate from that, I still had this desire, that found its way in reading stimulating stories and watching stimulating material and masturbating to that, that grew and grew until it became this habit that I've indulged in a lot - even doing it at work. Now I've been trying to get rid of it for 7 years, with varying results, but now it's going very well. However, I still find that I feel like sitting by myself masturbating more often and more strongly than I feel like having sex with my own girlfriend. Because sex still scares me on some level, whereas masturbating gives me a kind of pleasure that I have much more control over. I don't want to indulge in that childish and unsocial behaviour ever again and I'm confident that I'm on the right path of getting it out of my life. But I'm starting to realise that it's connected with this really fucked up connection with sexuality that might take a long time to fully heal. So I was wondering if this is recognisable for some of you here, and if you have found ways to deal with it and heal.