The blackpill is causing me to self sabotage

I still can't stop looking at blackpill content because a lot of blackpillers have convinced me that it is “the cheat code” to life and that people who don’t take it are “delusional” to how cruel reality is.

Because of this, it has not caused me to have any hatred towards women at all, instead it’s caused me to have hatred towards myself. I keep looking in the mirror and fixating on the small facial flaws I have. I keep fixating on the fact that I have Asperger’s and how having that mental disability will cause me to be very undesirable towards women. This has caused me to walk on eggshells with most people I interact with and some people have caught on to it saying that I’m afraid to truly be myself.

There was a woman I matched with on one dating app that I was vibing with. I fucked it up because I wanted to show off by listening to what they say in the manosphere, so I bragged and told her I was talking to other women, she then got mad at me for that and blocked me shortly after.


I overdosed on the blackpill again and fumbled the bag with another chick too She blocked me because I guess I went too long without contacting her. I thought it would’ve been a good idea to go a while without contacting her because that was the advice that a lot of guys in the blackpill space and manosphere have given me. We were actually vibing and texting back and forth a lot on tinder too, she didn’t give me dry responses, she was fully engaged and even said that she wanted to FaceTime. Things went south once I went several days without contacting her. She then blocked me. I still think it could be because my Instagram profile wasn’t cool enough. I also have a feeling that she may have blocked me because I wasn’t cool enough for her because I’m not a stereotypical black dude.

This has happened to me in high school too. I ruined several opportunities I’ve had with women that showed interest. I also keep thinking that any girl who isn’t severely unattractive is too good for me.

The blackpill has convinced me that I’m doing most women a favor by never interacting with them. I also think God is punishing me too because he has kept me away from interacting with women in real life. Most of my jobs have mostly male employees, a lot of classes in my high school had mostly guys, and even most of the parties I’ve been to were sausage fests. I have no idea why God is consistently keeping me away from women. People at work keep harassing me about being single and asking me questions about my love life, I even had several people ask me if I had a girlfriend. I try to focus on self improvement but society is so over sexualized it’s become impossible for this shit not to bother me, especially considering the fact that I’m typically around guys 24/7 and rarely get the opportunity to form any relationships with women, platonic or romantic.

 

God is definitely punishing me, there’s no way that he keeps cockblocking me to this degree and it isn’t being done on purpose. It’s happening so often that it has to be planned.

 

Has that worked for you?