The Bondage/BDSM Thread

Does anyone else have this particular fetish? I haven't seen it mentioned much on the forums, so I'm curious. It's hard to tell how common it is because obviously it isn't something most people will be comfortable talking about.

I'm also wondering what people's opinions on it are? Do you think bondage can be part of a healthy relationship? Christian opinions would be especially welcome.

I feel like if I get married and we never do anything bondage-related, a part of me will always be hungering for it, and that will lead to temptation to seek that pleasure elsewhere (i.e. PMO).

 

That was the subgenre you were into?

 

It all started when I was really young. I first masturbated when I was four and I soon linked the pleasure sensation of masturbation with seeing characters on TV or movies get tied up. It is probably significant that I was turned on by restraints and gags before I was turned on by women. So when I was young the gender of the person getting tied up didn't matter.

I eventually did get turned on by women once puberty hit. At that point I liked masturbating to women in bikinis and underwear (and later with nothing on) along with women who were tied and gagged. I eventually discovered that there was an actual sexual practice called "bondage" and it wasn't just me who was turned on by this stuff. Thus entered bondage porn.

There was an earlier post in this thread that I wanted to address, but it seems to have been deleted. I won't mention the poster by name for anonymity reasons, but I wanted to address the point made in the post anyway because I think it is important.

In my introductory post on NoFap, I mentioned how bondage porn was unleashing the sadist within me and I started getting turned on by some pretty bad stuff (e.g. whippings that left marks, women tied in painful positions). This was part of the catalyst for me wanting to give up on porn. The poster basically said that I was aware that the things that turned me on when I was deep into my bondage porn addiction were cruel and objectifying and not in line with a loving relationship or the Christian faith, so why am I asking if I can participate in the bondage scene when I already know the answer?

First off, I agree that the stuff I was watching is bad and shouldn't be practiced by a loving couple. But here's the thing. I was turned onto seeing people (and now specifically women) bound and gagged from a very young age and long before I started watching porn. What either appeared or ramped up significantly with porn was the cruelty.

So I'm not asking if cruel or painful sexual practices are compatible with a healthy, Christian relationship. I know that they are not. I want to cut that part out of my sex life completely. I also don't want to be part of "BDSM culture" (e.g. going to conventions, wearing bondage gear in public, wearing leather, have dom/sub roles outside of the bedroom). If I'm honest what it really comes down to is gags. Even restraints are something that I would like, but could do without if that is the wisest course to take. For some reason the sight and sound of a gagged woman is incredibly sexy to me and, because this developed so early, it feels primal. At its most basic, this would mean having otherwise vanilla sex, but she would be gagged. I don't need it to turn me on, but I feel like I would always desire it if I didn't get it, and that desire may cause me, or at least tempt me, to seek that pleasure somewhere else (e.g. PMO).

 

That's really interesting. I've noticed that since giving up PMO, I've been craving vanilla sex with a woman on almost an equal level to my cravings for bondage porn. It's a little unexpected, but also welcome.

I know what you mean about the power thing. Even if I stripped down to just a gag and nothing else, there still is an element of dominance in gagging someone. I guess that's the part of sex that kind of confused me (as someone who has never done it). I almost get the sense that dominance and submission at some level is inherent in sexual practice, but then some talk as if dominance and submission are evil. I don't think they are necessarily as long as it stays in the bedroom and doesn't get carried away.

I really wouldn't mind it if my desire for restraints and gags gave way to vanilla sex, cuddling etc. In my present state, the idea of never fulfilling my fetish desire seems suffocating at times, but if the desire itself disappeared, I don't think I would mourn it.

Because I developed it so young, though, I don't know if it can simply go away. And maybe it doesn't have to. We'll see. I'm only two weeks into my reboot and I intend to not have sex until I'm married, so who knows what my desires and brain chemistry will be like when I actually get around to having sex for the first time (Lord willing).

 

I think I will see a therapist. It's going to be awkward as heck though...

 

@Jolie: I have taken your advice and have contacted a counselling service.

I think the important thing is that I want to ditch my sadistic fantasies in favour of a loving relationship with a real woman. The actual desire is there; it isn't just a vague feeling of something I ought to do without any real conviction. I think that will get stuff done.

As far as where to draw the line in the context of a loving relationship... that is something I guess I will have to play by ear. Every person and relationship is different, I don't now how my long-term reboot will affect my sexuality, and I've never had sex and don't know what affect it would have on me, so it probably wouldn't make sense to draw my line in the sand now when I'm single and celibate (aside from the obvious: no porn, no sadism, no cruelty).